


Sunshine on a Rainy Day

by violetknights



Category: CW RPS, J2 AU - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-09
Updated: 2009-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 57,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetknights/pseuds/violetknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (prologue)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 1,200  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the wonderful [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

Sirens wailed; police cars and fire engines littered the road outside the burning hospital. Smoke billowed around in the chill night air adding to the panic and confusion as patients and staff milled around.

Doctors, therapists and orderlies worked tirelessly through the evening to round up their charges and ensure that everyone was safe. An hour and a half after the alarm first sounded the fire fighters were beginning to win the battle and most of the patients had been taken to safety.

Steve Carlson was the nursing Team Leader for the ward that took all the patients that didn’t fit in anywhere else. He’d been off duty that night but had come in as soon as he heard about the fire. “Is everyone out?” Steve yelled to be heard above the noise, addressing the question to the nurse standing nearest him.

“We think so, just checking the roll against E wing but it’s hard because none of them answer!”

Steve nodded his understanding and jogged over to where his friend Chris was chatting soothingly to the three young men who were his special charges.

“Everyone okay here?”

“Yup,” Chris replied. “We’ve managed to get emergency beds for most of them by reopening an old ward at the City hospital, most of them are being settled in already. Those with family nearby, who can cope in the short term are going home.”

He was rubbing soothing patterns on the arm of the nearest patient to him who seemed to be oblivious to the touch. “Just a few of the most docile guys left now waitin’ to be collected, gonna go back home for a few days while we get things sorted out. My boy Jen here is going to his Aunt Lucy ‘cos his Mom and Dad are on vacation.”

Jensen didn’t react to Chris’s words or his touch; he was staring at the flames, his face blank although his eyes were entranced by the dancing movement. As part of the roof fell in a shower of sparks shot round them and Steve and Chris pulled their charges back a few paces.

One of the fire fighters came to join them. “Your guys wanna go and sit in a truck? It’s getting chilly out here now. Or maybe they don’t feel the cold like us?”

Chris’s face darkened, “Buddy, we all know what you’re saying, maybe some of us aren’t so chatty as others but it ain’t good manners to talk about people in front of them like that.”

“Sorry, dude, really I am, I didn’t think . . .” he stammered. “I’ve never had anything to do with mental people before and I . . .”

“I’d just be quiet before you put your foot any further in your mouth!” Chris advised quietly. “Our friends here are sick, it’s no different to a broken arm or leg, just trickier to fix and harder to see.”

Steve looked at Jen who was edging away from the conflict, he was always very sensitive to tension and Steve needed to keep him calm.

“Thank you, we’d like to get out of the cold, wouldn’t we guys? Wanna go and sit in a fire truck?” His two younger charges nodded and Steve sent them off with Chris while he went over to Jensen.

“Hey Jen,” he said softly, “Jensen, we need to go and wait for your Aunt Lucy now; she’s on her way.”

Jensen continued to stare at the flames, nearly under control now as the fire fighters continued to tackle the blaze, reduced to little more than an orange glow over the ruins.

Steve chatted on, not knowing really whether Jensen could even hear him. In all the years he’d worked at the hospital the young man had never replied, never responded, never given any indication that he knew Steve or anyone else was there. The only time he ever reacted was to others arguing when he’d retreat under a table or squash himself into a corner where he’d rock with his hands over his ears until the commotion had passed. They still didn’t know whether it was the noise he reacted to or if he was just sensitive to the aggressive vibes.

Steve’s cell buzzed: it was Chris saying that Jensen’s aunt had arrived and was down by the gatehouse and that emergency meds for Jensen had been left there too. Gently he steered the emotionless young man away from the burning wreckage that had been his home for the past eight years, and took him to the waiting car. Jensen hadn’t even left the place once in that whole time and Steve had no idea what Jen’s response would be.

There was no need for concern however because Jensen was completely compliant as he allowed himself to be manoeuvred into the car by Steve and his Aunt and didn’t even flinch as Steve buckled his seatbelt for him. He sat in the back of the car, his eyes gazing blankly ahead as he fidgeted with a marble, rolling it between his fingers, making it dance and roll, back and forth, back and forth.

Steve patted his shoulder gently, “Bye then Jen. You be good for your Aunt Lucy tonight okay? I’ll catch up with you soon.” He shut the car door carefully, and straightened up with a yawn, it had been a very long night.

“I’m sorry, we don’t know yet if any of his stuff can be saved,” he apologized. “But these are his anxiety pills,” Steve explained to the woman. “Give him two tonight and two more in the morning. Chris or I will come round as soon as possible to check on him.” She thanked him politely before going round to get into the driver’s seat, “We’ll be fine,” she reassured, although Steve wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince, him or herself.

Steve knew her from her frequent visits to Jensen, she obviously cared very deeply for her nephew, she came far more often than his own mother; always bringing Jensen home made cookies and reading to him for hours despite the lack of response.

Steve was relieved to know that at least one of his charges would be in caring hands tonight.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

Jared fidgeted quietly as his Mom and Dad chatted to the neighbours; the Sunday ‘bring and share’ lunch was a regular fixture that had been part of his life for as long as he could remember. Half a dozen couples took it in turn to host the informal gathering and everyone was easy and relaxed in a way that could only be achieved through years of friendship.

Over the years all the kids he’d been friendly with had grown up or moved away. There was just a couple of much younger girls left now, so Jared rarely went with his parents anymore. Today though his mother had been adamant, “Jared Tristan Padalecki; I’m about done with you mopin’ around! You are coming to church with your father and I and then you can come on over to Lucy’s to be sociable.”

So now Jared was stuck in a house full of his parents’ friends having to be polite, while he tried to balance a glass of punch and a plate of potato salad and chicken wings. Megan had gone to stay with a friend for a few days so he had to brave the ordeal alone.

He flashed a practised grin as he fielded the same old questions from each of the adults he came into contact with. “Yes ma’am, I’m just turned twenty now;” “Nope I’m taking a year out from college while I try to decide what to do;” “I’m working at the day care in town three days a week.” “Well yes, it is a strange job for a man but the kids are real cute. . .”

He sighed and pulled out his phone, no signal, damn it! He couldn’t even text Chad to relieve the boredom. He turned as a petite blonde haired woman came towards him and then he smiled a genuine smile at their hostess; Lucy Rogers had been his Mom’s best friend for years.

“Hey Aunt Lucy; great food. Could I go in the kitchen and watch some TV or something?” Lucy looked pale and tired Jared thought, not her usual easy going self but she smiled sweetly enough and said “Of course honey; you know where everything is, don’t you? I baked cookies for . . . I baked cookies today; they’re in the big jar on the dresser. You go on and help yourself.”

Jared wandered into the big ranch kitchen; Lucy always kept it so beautifully. Even after her husband died five years ago, she still kept fresh flowers in a big vase and baked fresh treats for her friends and the ranch hands. Jared had so many memories of being here with his Mom when he was growing up. Lucy had never been able to have kids of her own and she’d always lavished affection on Jared, Jeff and Megan – she’d always kept a bag of Jared’s favourite gummi candy stashed in the dresser.

He could hear music playing from the sunroom and wondered whether she’d left the stereo on by mistake; a cookie in each hand Jared wandered through to check. Opening the door he saw a young man sitting cross legged on the floor.

“Oh sorry!” Jared started to back out, “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

There was no response from the man; Jared wondered if maybe he hadn’t heard him.

“Um. . . hey there! I’m Jared, sorry for butting in.”

When he still got no reply, Jared moved forward into the room; the man who was maybe a little older than himself was sitting in a patch of sunlight staring out of the window. He had close-cropped, dark blonde hair and big green eyes. He was wearing grey sweats and a plain T-Shirt that didn’t quite fit him. Jared came and sat on the floor beside the man and put the cookies down beside him.

“So are we looking at anything interesting?” he asked; this one-way conversation was a bit creepy, Jared couldn’t figure out if it was the guy couldn’t hear him or was just ignoring him. But if he couldn’t hear why did he have music playing?

“Um, are you like, meditating or something? Am I disturbing you?” Jared was getting more than a little freaked by this strange, silent guy now, but there was something compelling about his vacant green eyes that kept Jared sitting where he was.

Looking down at the floor Jared could see that the young man was actually doing something; he had a tiny silver marble and was rolling it back and forth from one hand to the other.

Jared sat and listened to the music for a while, it was oddly relaxing sitting in the sun with the music playing in the background. The man’s expression didn’t change once as Jared looked at him, a light scattering of freckles dusted his skin but he was terribly pale and had a few days’ beard growth. His expression was blank and empty; it was like looking at a wax dummy.

Jared wondered who the guy could be; Aunt Lucy hadn’t mentioned having a house guest. On the floor near them Jared spotted a little jar with more of the marbles in; “May I?” He reached over and hooked one out; the guy didn’t make any obvious movement but Jared got the feeling that he knew what Jared had done.

Carefully Jared started copying the guy’s movements, keeping his actions small and close to the floor, spinning the little sphere from hand to hand, watching as the sunlight sparked off it.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed in this strange manner when he suddenly realized that Lucy and his mom were watching from the door. “Slowly, go slowly,” Lucy said quietly as Jared started to unfold his long body from the floor.

“Well it’s been nice er. . . chatting to you.” Jared said softly.

“Jensen, his name is Jensen.” Lucy murmured.

“Jensen, I like that. Bye for now, Jensen.”

Jared carefully replaced his marble in the jar and moved towards his mother; Lucy was looking at the young man as though her heart would break. As Jared moved to close the door behind him Jared saw the young man move; saw Jensen stretch his hand out and pick up the cookies that he’d left on the floor.

*******************************

Jared’s mom had her arm round Lucy’s shoulders as she wept softly, her fragile defences having finally given way after making the effort to hold herself together until most of their friends had left. Jared wasn’t sure how to handle this but he wanted to know more about Jensen, so he let his mom deal with the touchy feely stuff while he got a bottle of white wine out of the fridge. He poured both women a glass then helped himself to a beer – he knew Lucy wouldn’t mind and the strange encounter had left him feeling more than a little unsettled.

“He’s my nephew, there was a big fire at the psychiatric hospital he lives in, there was nowhere else for him to go because his parents are on holiday. He doesn’t react well to too many people.” She smiled gratefully at Jared and took a swallow of wine.

“You’ve met him before, back when he was . . . when he was himself.”

Jared thought back, he had a vague memory of a sun-bronzed older boy teaching him to shoot hoops the summer he was ten, he said as much to Lucy and she nodded.

“That’s right; that was Jen. He came to stay with me that summer; he was fine with me but when he went home he started acting out, nothing major really; back-chatting teachers, staying out late but Donna couldn’t get a handle on it, he was so different from his brother.” She sighed and took another mouthful of wine.

“Their Pediatrician was working with some drugs company that was trialling a new wonder-drug, meant to be even better than Ritalin. Donna thought she’d be able to take him along to the surgery for a weekly shot and she’d have a perfect son. Well I guess he’s no trouble to anyone now!”

“What happened?” Jared asked breathlessly, he was too intrigued to even open his beer.

“Five minutes after his first shot he started fitting, they couldn’t stabilize him. He was in a coma for weeks; when he came out he was like this, doesn’t speak, doesn’t respond to anything. The Doctors say it’s either an autistic spectrum disorder or a waking coma.”

Jared’s mom hugged her friend, “It was so hard for Lucy,” she explained to Jared. “I remember when it happened; we all kept hoping and praying that one day he’d wake up.”

“Oh!” Jared breathed out a long sigh, remembering the golden teenager who’d played with Jeff that summer, who’d been kind enough to let a ten year old tag along, patient enough to teach him a few throws.

“The hospital called on Wednesday night, I’m next of kin when Donna isn’t available,” Lucy continued. “There’d been a fire – they didn’t want to put Jen in the temporary wards, the other patients were too distressed and that’s what upsets him; of course I said he could come to me.”

She finished her wine, “I thought it’d be easy, I mean he takes himself to the toilet, feeds himself, even dresses himself if you put his clothes out ready for him. It’s just. . .” Lucy’s voice tailed off, unable to finish her sentence. Jared thought about the unnerving blank stare, the waxen quality to Jensen’s skin and thought he could understand why it was upsetting Lucy so much to take care of her nephew like this.

He leaned over to squeeze her shoulder, “I could help if you like,” he offered. “I could come over in the mornings and help him shower and shave and stuff. I dunno . . . take him for a walk or something on my days off.”

“Oh Jared thank you, it would be so good if you could, it’s just so much harder than I expected. The therapist from the hospital pops in before lunch and gives him his shots, makes sure he’s okay. It just breaks my heart. . .”

The door behind them swung open and Jensen walked passed them towards the bathroom. He moved silently, not with the shuffling, hospital gait that Jared had been expecting; rather he walked cautiously but surely, like a cat in new territory, his bare feet slapping softly on the tiles.

They watched him in silence.

“It’s devastating,” Jared’s mom said, and Jared put his arm round her, knowing she was thanking God that her own two boys were so perfect and healthy.

When he returned to the kitchen Jensen stopped, stood in front of them and Jared could see that he still had the little marble in his hand; rolling it around in his fingers.

“What is it, honey? Can I get you something?” Lucy asked.

Jensen just stood there, face empty, fingers twitching around his marble.

“Cookies make me thirsty; did they make you thirsty, Jensen?” Jared asked softly, Jensen still didn’t respond but again Jared had the feeling that the other man knew what he was saying.

Jared smiled warmly and stood up, “Shall we get you a drink then? How about some juice?”

He got out a glass and filled it with orange from the jug in the fridge. Hesitantly he held it out, not knowing if Jensen would even be able to take it.

Slowly Jensen reached out and took the drink. Without seeming to even look at it, he drained the glass and set it on the table, then retreated to the sunroom, closing the door silently behind him.


	3. Sunshine on a Rainy Day (2/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

**Thanks:** This chapter is dedicated with enormous gratitude to [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner that she has made me to go with this fic.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared lay on his bed as he chatted to Chad on the phone about the day’s events. Though he laughed and gossiped as normal, part of his mind was distracted, kept going back to the disturbing encounter with Jensen. When Chad asked him about the afternoon he found himself strangely reluctant to talk about Jensen to his friend. It was an odd sensation because he normally discussed everything with Chad; instead he brushed over his day, just saying he’d had to hang out with his folks before steering the conversation round to Chad’s latest girlfriend and his chances of getting laid before the week was out.

After Chad had hung up Jared had looked on the internet, found some articles on Autism and drug reactions. Some theories suggested a strong link between the condition and immunizations. He went on to read about people who’d come out of comas years, even decades after everyone had given up hope. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for really but he was unable to concentrate on the movie he’d planned to watch.

Later he’d called Sophia to say he couldn’t give her a lift to work in the morning.  
“I’ve got a kind of baby sitting job in the mornings now,” he explained.

“Hey no worries” she said and he could picture her easy-going smile over the phone. “Your shift doesn’t start till ten anyway, I know you only come in early to give me a ride but I can catch the bus easy enough.” She laughed again, “You go do your ‘kinda baby sitting’ and I’ll see you in the morning”.

Jared went downstairs to spend some time with his parents before going to bed. This was the best bit about coming home from College, getting to know them as an adult, finding a new understanding of their motivations. It was nice to spend time with them without Megan for a change too; her inane teenage chatter grated on his nerves after a while.

He snuggled beside his Mom on the couch, sometimes he couldn’t believe that he’d come from this tiny woman. She was so warm and forgiving, hadn’t given him too much hell after he’d jacked in College and come back home. He’d tried to get his Teaching degree because he’d wanted to please her but he’d never felt right with it and eventually he’d deferred his course and come home to try and work out what he wanted to do. He’d hung around with Chad for a few months, doing odd jobs and trying to get his head together before Sophia had persuaded him to apply for the job at the daycare centre where she worked.

The work was fun and undemanding, his partial teaching credit meant that he had a rudimentary grasp of child psychology and the kids seemed to like him so he spent three days a week from ten till six giving piggy back rides and wiping snotty noses. He wasn’t sure what he was learning from the experience but it beat flipping burgers at the diner and meant he didn’t have to keep begging his Mom for money every time he and Chad wanted to catch a movie.

Sharon Padalecki pulled her son into her arms and ruffled his hair affectionately. “That was a nice thing you did there Jared, thank you for offering to help Lucy.” His Mom had obviously filled his Dad in on the situation because he nodded his agreement at her words.

“Well I’d have done it to help Lucy anyway,” Jared admitted, “But there’s something special about Jensen. I dunno; I can’t believe he’s gone completely, y’know, that he isn’t locked in somewhere.” He swallowed and bit his lip for a moment. “I’m scared Mom, it’s terrifying, the thought that he could still be in there, still thinking and feeling, just trapped in his own body. I want to help him.”

She squeezed his arm as his Dad looked at him sharply, “Jared, he’s been like this for so long it’s highly unlikely that his condition will change.”

“I know Dr Dad!” Jared teased, “But if he is in there, well if I can make it a little bit easier for him then I will.”

His Dad nodded, “That’s good son, I’m glad you want to help for both of their sakes. But this isn’t a light undertaking you know. This isn’t a project you can just dabble in.” He paused for a moment as he decided how much to disclose.

”I know Jensen’s case, I’ve done some medical shifts at the psychiatric hospital.” He looked at Jared to make sure his son was really listening, that he understood. Jared was gazing at him intently, hanging on his every word. Doctor Padalecki was pleased; he hadn’t seen his son this galvanized by anything in a long time.

“Jared, he needs security and routine. He’s been at that hospital for a long time, he may not show it but all the disruption will have taken its toll on him. If he gets stressed he stops eating, I’ve been called in more than once to put a feeding tube in for him. Your mother tells me he ate and drank from you so that’s a good sign but if he comes to depend on you, you can’t just get bored and think that Lucy will do it.”

“I know, Dad,” Jared said quietly determined, “I won’t let him down.”

The more Jared heard the keener he was to get back to Jensen, to spend more time with him, to see if there were any more puzzle pieces to find, anything that could help him unlock the enigma that was Jensen Ackles.

  
*****************************

  
“Mornin’ Jensen.” Jared called out cheerfully, he knocked on the door before entering the bedroom, feeling that Jensen had the same rights to privacy as anyone else.

When he pushed the door open he could see that Jensen was awake, though still lying unmoving on the bed. Jared chatted casually as he pulled back the curtains and found clothes from the dresser. Lucy had explained that Jensen’s clothes had been lost in the fire, for now he was wearing some old stuff of her husband’s but she was planning to go shopping the following day if Jared was still able to stay with Jensen on his day off.

Out of the corner of his eye Jared could see that Jensen was getting up so he pushed open the door to the bathroom and turned on the shower, spending a minute making sure the water was at a comfortable temperature.

“So can you manage in there, buddy?” Jared asked. Jensen firmly closed the door behind him which Jared took to mean yes. As he waited for Jensen to emerge Jared wandered into the kitchen to see how Lucy was doing, she was making breakfast and drinking coffee, she looked less tired than the day before and he was already glad he’d come. He liked being useful, felt that he was finally doing something valid.

He accepted a coffee from her which he drank quickly and then went back to the little bedroom to see how Jensen was getting on. He was washed and dressed although still not shaved and was sitting on the edge of his bed rolling the marble round in his hand.

Carefully placing a hand on Jensen’s arm, Jared said “So I was thinking maybe we should get rid of the face fungus, let your Aunt Lucy see how gorgeous you still are.” There was no answer, not even the twitch of a response.

Jared hunkered down in front of Jensen and curled his fingers round Jensen’s empty hand. He guided it up to his face, stroking the man’s pale fingers down his cheek. “Feel it, it’s all rough and itchy, see?” He moved Jensen’s fingers through the fuzz on his own chin for a moment, “Now feel me,” he continued, guiding the man’s hand up to his own recently shaved jaw. “See? Nice and smooth; much more comfortable, okay?” Jensen was still gazing blankly out of the window, but Jared thought he detected a microscopic tremor in Jensen’s touch, a spark of consciousness that left Jensen’s hand tracing Jared’s jaw for a few seconds after he’d pulled his own hand away.

“We’re gonna shave you so that you’re smooth like me, so you’re not so prickly.” Jared guided Jensen into the bathroom and sat him on the edge of the tub while he ran hot water into the sink and found the shaving foam and safety razors his aunt had provided.

Jensen gazed impassively ahead throughout the procedure, as Jared gently massaged the foam into Jensen’s pale cheeks and shaved the stubble away. Jared talked because on the whole it was marginally less weird than staying silent.

“See, this is a tricky bit right here but hey it comes away easy, and I wonder who usually does this for you ‘cos this isn’t a real beard is it? Just a few days growth I’m thinking, so I wonder who took care of you before?” he paused to rinse the blade before beginning again, his hand on Jensen’s face tender as he tilted it to get a better angle.

“I’ve got work today but I’ll come back later,” Jared promised as he worked. “I thought maybe we could go for a little walk, maybe stroll down to the paddock and see the horses. This pasty look is no good for a Texas boy like you. I thought we’d get some fresh air and exercise, put some roses back in your cheeks.”

When Jared had finished he took a step back and surveyed his work critically. “Not bad at all,” he muttered, then led Jensen into the kitchen ready for Lucy to feed him up a bit.

Jensen sat at the table but ignored the food in front of him, Jared remembered the previous day, how Jensen hadn’t eaten the cookies until he’d left the room and wondered if maybe Jensen didn’t like to be watched while he was eating.

Angling his own chair away from the table he poured syrup on his own stack of pancakes and began chatting to Lucy about work, telling her a silly story about how he and Sophia had managed to papier mache a giant cactus for the pre-school kids’ show but made it so big they couldn’t get it out of the classroom door when it was time to take it to the auditorium.

As they ate and chatted Jared heard Jensen behind him pick up his knife and fork and begin to eat, he smiled in relief at Lucy. He was very conscious of what his father had told him; if Jensen was stressed he stopped eating, therefore if Jensen was eating he wasn’t stressed.

He checked his watch, nearly time to leave for work already, “If it’s okay with you I’ll come back this evening, Aunt Lucy.” He asked, “Does he get on okay with animals? I thought maybe I’d bring my dogs and we could go for a little walk.”

“I’m sure that would be fine Jared,” she smiled. “If you’re planning on stopping by anyway would you mind if I go to my bridge night? I was going to cancel but if you’ll be here anyway. . .”

“Of course, that’s fine, Aunt Lucy. I’ll come over whenever you want me to.”

“Just one thing though, Jared. . .”

He looked at her quizzically. “I think you’re old enough now to drop the Aunt bit, just Lucy is fine. You make me feel about a hundred!”

Jared laughed, “Sure Lucy, I think I can manage that.”

Behind them Jensen scraped back his chair and made his way into the sunroom, pulling back the curtain and sitting down in the resulting patch of sunlight that fell on the floor. Jared followed him through and knelt in front of the older man.

“I have to go now Jensen; gotta go to work. Is there anything you need? Anything you want me to bring back for you?”

There was a tiny clatter as Jensen dropped his marble on the floor and began rolling it steadily from one hand to the other once more. Jared smiled at him and laid his hand on Jensen’s arm again, he wasn’t sure if he should keep invading Jen’s body space like this, but somehow it made Jared feel grounded, reminded him that it was a real human being that he was talking to, not some shop window mannequin.

“Okay buddy, I get it, you’re fine doing your thing. I’ll see you tonight then.”

Before he left he put the radio on again, understanding why Lucy had done it the day before. It seemed wrong somehow to leave Jensen sitting alone in silence, as though he was unwanted or abandoned; imprisoned not just in his own mind but in the sunroom as well.

Jared was determined that when he came back he would help Jensen escape into the real world, even if it was just for a little while and he’d bring Sadie and Harley to help him.


	4. Sunshine on a Rainy Day (3/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared had found his work day dragged for once, he’d had an eye on the clock for over an hour when he eventually handed over the last of his small charges. He was finally able to rush home and grab a shower and something to eat before heading over to see Lucy and Jensen.

He whistled to the dogs and was about to let them jump in the car when he thought better of it, Harley was great but she was so exuberant, it might be too much for Jen to cope with. Patting her gently he said “Sorry, girl” and put her back in the kitchen with a treat before loading up Sadie and setting off.

Lucy greeted him warmly, “Thank you so much for this; I’ll only be a couple of hours. Here’s my cell phone number, call me if you have any problems.”

“We’ll be fine,” Jared assured her, “I take it he’s through there?”

She nodded, “I tried to take him into the TV room after lunch but he just got straight up and walked out. I want him to be happy, well as happy as he can be. It seemed kinder to just let him go where he wanted really.”

“He does like it out there,” Jared agreed. “I guess maybe he’s happy, I’m not sure how you’d tell though.”

“One of the boys in the same dorm as him in the hospital died, this time last year it was. To look at Jensen you’d think he wouldn’t even notice but he got so ill, they had to tube feed him and he got these terrible ulcers in his mouth, I was afraid he wouldn’t make it.” She shook her head as though to clear the painful memory. “His two carers, Chris and Steve pulled him through; they’re so devoted to him. When they came by today they were so pleased with how he’s doing, that he’s eating and all.”

Jared grinned, the smile lighting up his face. “You go and have a good time Lucy; the break will do you good. Me and Sadie here are going to see if we can tempt Jensen into coming out for a little walk.”

Jared clicked his fingers and Sadie came to his side, she was the most even tempered of the two dogs, the easiest to control too; if Jared told her to stay down she would, whereas Harley could lick someone to death before Jared could get her to do what she was told.

  
“Hey Jensen!” Jared gave his usual cheerful call as he pushed open the door. The music was off now and the only sound was the rolling of the marble on the floor.

“I brought someone to meet you; this is Sadie, she’s my baby girl, aren’t you darlin’?”

Carefully he let Sadie nuzzle Jen to see if he would respond to the animal. After a few moments Jensen stood up slowly and stretched, then walked towards the door. Jared watched to see what he would do, Jensen wasn’t moving like he was scared or trying to get away from the dog.

Jensen took himself into the bathroom; for a minute Jared was afraid he’d lock himself in or something but the man emerged very quickly and went through to the bedroom. When he came back, he had his shoes on.

Jared let out a long, relieved breath that he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. “So you fancy a walk outside then hey? That’s good, it’ll be fun, won’t it Sadie? Jen and me taking you for a walk.”

Opening the door onto the veranda he stepped outside and Jensen cautiously followed. Behind the ranch house was a large fenced garden, beyond that lay stables and a paddock and some small fields. Jared figured it would be a good plan to head toward a small wooded area away from the horses; they still might be a bit much for Jensen to cope with on his first venture out of the house.

Still unsure on how Jensen was with too much body contact Jared tucked a hand through his arm and said, “Probably best if we stick together right now, okay? It’s fine to let go if you want to tho’, you don’t have to keep propping me up if you don’t want to.”

He watched Jen out of the corner of his eye; he thought the man seemed to be more alert than previously, seemed to be taking in his surroundings. He didn’t trip or stumble as they walked and Jared thought that had to mean something.

“See over there?” Jared pointed to the corner of the barn. “There’s the basketball hoop, you taught me to play out here. Course I wasn’t the superb manly specimen you see today, I was short and chubby and kinda annoying in a ten year old sort of way.” He chuckled and felt an almost imperceptible tightening of Jensen’s breath beside him. “Do you remember, Jensen? You and Jeff were so tall already? You could have entire games without me getting the ball once if you wanted. You never did tho’, always gave me a chance, told me the best place to take the shot.”

He bent down to pick up a stick for Sadie, not wanting Jensen to see the emotion that suddenly threatened to overwhelm him. He swallowed hard trying to get passed the lump that had formed in his throat. “That summer was so good for me, being able to hang out with the big kids, lying up in the hay while you guys talked and drank stolen beers. Do you remember that other kid? Tom he was called; all dark hair and big blue eyes, he seemed so daring, he was the one who brought that stuff, but you always made him bring soda for me. I guess this is . . . this is my chance to say thank you, I just wish you could hear me.”

Jared moved away from Jensen to throw the stick for Sadie, spent a few minutes playing with the dog as he tried to compose himself again, so he didn’t notice the single tear that escaped from Jensen’s eye and slid down his cheek, didn’t noticed the more frantic pace with which Jensen rolled his marble until it fell from his fingers and slipped to the floor.

“Oh!” The sound that emerged from Jensen’s lips was so faint it was barely more than a breath but Jared heard it and turned back towards him at once.

“Jensen? Are you okay buddy? What is it?”

Jensen flexed his fingers anxiously; Jared could see little tremors running up his arm and quickly realized what had happened. He spotted the marble where it had rolled a few feet away. Picking it up, he wiped the dust off and pressed it into Jensen’s hand. Jensen resumed his frantic rolling of the small toy, making it twist and dance between his fingers, although his hand seemed to be the only part of him that ever moved. Jared was concerned at Jensen’s obvious anxiety and the darkening sky and figured it was time to head back.

Calling Sadie to his side, he held Jensen’s arm and guided him back towards the house. Jared had almost felt the shutters come down on the man beside him. Leading Jensen now was like leading a blind man; he stumbled if Jared didn’t guide him round the obstacles and his pallor was even more ghastly in the rapidly fading light.

********************************

Jensen remained totally unresponsive when they were back at the house, he left the juice and sandwiches Jared prepared for them untouched; sat passively while Jared put him into clean sweats and t-shirt ready for the night, didn’t move from the chair Jared had sat him in at the kitchen table.

Jared was tired, it had been a really long day, maybe babysitting Jen on top of a full day at work hadn’t been such a good idea. He glanced at his companion sitting woodenly at the table and went to the fridge. Pulling out two beers, he popped the caps and set one in front of Jensen before slumping down in the chair opposite and taking a long draught from his own.

“Hello boys, had a good evening?” Lucy shrugged herself out of her coat and flung it over the back of the nearest chair. “You’ll be pleased to know that your mother and I thrashed the Patterson’s! We were totally on form to. . . has he drunk any of that?” She snatched the bottle away from in front of Jensen.

Jared startled, jumping up from his chair. “No. . . I don’t . . . know. I don’t think so.”

“For goodness sake, Jared! How could you be so thoughtless? What on earth did you think you were doing, giving him beer.”

“Well, he’s a grown adult, older than me. I didn’t think it would hurt. Just one beer. I didn’t think . . .” Jared defended.

“No! You didn’t think. He’s on so much medication; Lord knows what a drink would do to him!”

Lucy’s voice was growing shrill in her distress, and Jared’s own voice was growing louder as he tried to defend himself.

“Nobody told me! You didn’t say he was taking anything! No wonder he’s such a zombie if he’s being drugged!”

“Oh, Jensen!” Lucy’s hand flew to her mouth as he slid bonelessly beneath the table and curled himself in tight. He began rocking and making a thin, keening noise.

Part of Jared’s brain was repeating ‘God! What have I done?’ over and over again, the other bit was noting the sound in a curiously detached manner - he can make a noise if he wants to.

“What do we do? How do we get him out?” Lucy implored. Jared struggled to be calm, deliberately slowing his breathing. “I’m not sure,” he whispered. “I don’t want to start forcing him to do stuff.”

The rocking was becoming more frantic now, with each backwards lunge Jensen was banging his head against the table leg, Sadie whined frantically, trying to edge her way between Jensen and the table. Jared saw at once that she was right and he dropped to the floor beside Jensen, twisting Jensen round so that the rocking was cushioned against Jared’s body. The first contact was a shock driving all the air out of Jared’s body. Instinctively he brought his hands up to hold Jensen still, stop him from hurting them any further. At once Jensen sagged against him, a dead weight in Jared’s arms.

Jared fought to get his breath back and tried to smile a reassuring glance at Lucy who was still standing in shock at the violent reaction of her normally placid nephew. Jared carefully stroked his fingers up over the back of Jensen’s head; the skin wasn’t broken but a large bump was raising under the skin.

“Could you get Jen an ice pack please, Lucy?” Jared asked softly, “I think his head is going to be a little sore otherwise.”

She shook herself out of her trance, “Yes, yes! Of course.” She bustled off to get one, then set about making hot chocolate, more to calm her nerves than because she thought anyone actually wanted it.

Jared held Jensen tight against his chest with one arm while he used his free hand to keep the ice pack against the back of Jensen’s head. Jared could feel how thin the older man really was, could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest.

“Kind of a shock for you, wasn’t it? I guess you don’t like people shouting, do you?” He took Jensen’s hand in his and placed it over his own heart, “Feel, it’s slowing down now but it was rushing just like yours. It’s okay, Jen. Lucy was just worried ‘cos she loves you. I got angry ‘cos I didn’t mean to do something that could hurt you.” He rocked a little, feeling the tension drain from Jensen’s body; saw that Jensen’s other hand was now fisted in Sadie’s fur, realized that he’d let his precious marble drop to the floor so that he could hold onto Jared and the dog.

Lucy slipped to the floor and crawled under the table with them, the sturdy oak table making a den all around them. Jared could understand why Jensen had thought it would be a safe place to hide. Gently removing the icepack from Jen’s head he took the drink that Lucy offered and gulped it thirstily; the adrenalin fading from his body had left a sour taste in his mouth. He could see that Jensen was watching him drink.

“I guess if I feel like crap, you feel ten times worse!” He moved Jensen’s hand away from its resting place over Jared’s heart and wrapped it around the mug of chocolate, the space on his chest felt strangely bereft without Jensen’s touch.

Jensen paused for a moment; then drank, draining the mug in deep thirsty gulps just like Jared’s. Lucy watched the interaction while she sipped her own drink. When Jensen finished, he set the mug on the floor and put his hand back over Jared’s heart before laying his head near it on Jared’s chest. Within moments his eyelids fluttered shut and Jared thought he was asleep.

“We went for a walk, saw the basketball hoop.” Jared said softly. “I keep trying to remember more about that summer; there was another kid here with us I think, a boy called Tom?” Lucy smiled at the memory, “Oh yes, Tom. He and his family lived in the house down the road for a couple of years. He and Jensen were inseparable that year. I mean, you and Jeff were here a lot as well but those two had a different sort of friendship: they were wilder somehow, would ride out into the hills overnight just for the fun of sleeping under the stars.”

She smiled fondly at her nephew, “Looking at him now, no one could tell that anything was wrong, could they?”


	5. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (4/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (4/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (4/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,000  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the wonderful [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

Next chapter on Wednesday

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html),[Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
It had been past one in the morning by the time Jared had finally got home. They’d stayed under the table and let Jensen sleep in Jared’s arms for a while as he and Lucy chatted but eventually he’d gotten too heavy and Jared’s back had begun to complain. It was the curse of tall people, he’d laughingly told Lucy, he could feel every single vertebrae groaning and creaking each time he tried to get comfortable.

Jensen hadn’t really been awake as they’d guided him back to his room. Jared figured it was probably just his imagination that Jensen had leant on him a second longer than he’d needed to before sinking onto the bed and letting Lucy tuck him in. Jared had waited for a few minutes to make sure that he was fully asleep again before sliding the bolt on the door and going to find Lucy.

Jared had hated locking him in like that, it made him feel nasty and uncomfortable but he understood that it was for Jensen’s own safety – he couldn’t be left unsecured in case he woke up and started roaming round the house. He could hurt himself or even wander off; the ranch was too big to risk Jensen going outside alone.

Back in the kitchen Jared had helped Lucy wash the few dishes and he’d tentatively raised the subject of Jensen’s medication.

“I’m not sure what he’s on, actually,” Lucy admitted. “Anti-anxiety pills for sure, but he gets shots too and I don’t know what they are.” She smiled tiredly at Jared; it was a relief to share the burden of Jensen’s care with someone. Jared was so caring and enthusiastic about her nephew; it was a long time since anyone had shared her concern. Her sister had long ago given up hope that Jensen would recover, had instead poured all her energy into her two remaining children; but in the face of Jared’s determination Lucy could feel her own hope returning.

“Well your father has been my family’s physician for years,” she said. “I’ll get him to come over and check Jensen’s drug regime, if he thinks it’s safe to reduce anything we will but you have to trust his judgement, Jared. If he says Jensen needs them we’re not going to do anything to jeopardize his well-being.”

“Yes ma’am!” Jared grinned, “I know my Dad only wants what’s best for Jensen too.”

  
*******************************

When he got home his parents were already in bed, so he fussed Harley for a bit and gave Sadie a drink before going up to his room.

He collapsed into bed then hit the message button on his cell phone. He’d forgotten that there was no phone signal at Lucy’s and Chad had left a series of random messages, they ranged through ranting that Jared was ignoring him to pleading with Jared to call him back because he’d “totally had Kristin already and won the bet”; interspersed with silly stories and snippets of gossip.

Jared grinned in spite of himself, God he loved the guy, he really did! But sometimes he was just too much. It was a major contrast between Chad’s boundless energy and Jensen’s ethereal stillness.

As Jared settle down to sleep he could almost feel the warm imprint over his heart where Jensen’s hand had rested.

*****************************

The following morning saw Jared get up earlier than he would have believed possible considering the emotional rollercoaster of the previous night. However he guessed that Jensen wouldn’t do lie-ins so he thought he ought to go give Lucy a hand getting him up and shaved.

He let the dogs out into the yard and poured himself a glass of juice while they played outside. When his Dad came into the kitchen, Jared filled him in on the conversation he and Lucy had had regarding Jensen’s drug regime.

“Jared, remember what I said, these drugs are probably all that are keeping Jensen stable right now, getting the chemistry right is a very delicate balance and the team at the hospital have put a lot of care into getting the cocktail just right.”

“Please Dad,” Jared implored. “I don’t know, it’s like sometimes he’s more there than others, and if the drugs **are** subduing parts of him they shouldn’t be, don’t you think he should be given a chance?”

“Son, I’m glad to see you’ve found a purpose again; if you can be of any help to Lucy then that’s good too. I’m doing house calls tomorrow, if Lucy phones me and it’s cleared with the hospital staff I’ll come and give your boy the once over, send off some bloods okay?”

“Thanks Dad, that’s all I . . . we want, just to check that he needs them, that they’re not just making him worse.”

**************************************

When Jared got to the ranch Jensen was already up and eating his breakfast, still wearing the clothes he’d slept in; while Lucy was pottering around the kitchen. She greeted Jared with a smile, although she looked rather tired and drawn.

“Hey Jared, how are you this morning? Do you want some breakfast?”

“Mornin’, Lucy! Hey, Jensen! I’m fine thanks, how was the rest of your night? Did you sleep okay?”

Lucy shook her head slowly as she stifled back a yawn, “No, not really. I’d just settled down when Jen’s mom finally called. I told her he was okay; she didn’t need to cut short her vacation.” She sighed softly. “I told her we were doin’ fine. I checked that she was happy for us to take him to your Dad; and she was; it just. . . it feels like an awful lot of responsibility somehow.”

Jared squeezed her shoulder, “It is. He’s special, aren’t you buddy? That’s why we all want to take such good care of him. Your job today is to get him some threads that don’t look quite so . . . institutional! You get to go shopping!”

Lucy looked unsure, “I don’t know if I should leave him after last night. . .”

“We’ll be just fine, I promise; I’ll keep it real calm today. Why don’t you call my mom and see if she wants to go with you, help you pick out something for him to wear?”

Lucy finally assented and went to call Sharon and get ready to go into town, leaving Jared alone with Jensen. Jared chatted softly while Jensen finished eating; he was starting to get used to these one-sided conversations now, it wasn’t like he was ever lost for words anyway. He had a good supply of anecdotes about work, the dogs and Chad’s love life. If nothing else Jensen wasn’t going to get bored on Jared’s watch.

When Jensen was ready, Jared guided him back to the bathroom to shower while he found him clean clothes. He helped him shave as he had the previous day, trying to keep to the same routine, letting Jensen feel the difference between his own stubble and Jared’s smoothly shaven jaw.

As Jared finished cleaning up he realized that Jensen had wandered off to the sunroom. When he went in he found Jensen sitting in his usual spot in the sunshine, marble rolling across the floor. The music was already playing – Jared wasn’t sure if Lucy had set it going in readiness or if Jensen had switched it on himself.

Wanting to make himself useful, Jared went back into the kitchen and cleared away the breakfast things, he made sandwiches ready for their lunch, wrapped them and put them in the fridge and squeezed more juice. He was just finishing off when Lucy came back into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you can manage, honey? You’ve got my cell phone number, I’m meeting your Mom for lunch but we won’t be late.” She looked at Jared anxiously, “His nurse from the hospital will be here at about eleven, will you make him a drink? He usually spends a little time here.”

“I promise I’ll be perfectly civilised Aunt Lucy! I’m even mostly house trained now!”

“Don’t be smart! You know what I mean,” she smiled in spite of herself, “You’re being really good to us, Jared and I do appreciate it; but it’s only for a few days – he’ll have to go back sooner or later.”

Jared nodded, although privately he was already appalled at the thought of Jensen having to leave. He’d only known Jensen a couple of days and Jared knew that he was seriously hooked. He’d never felt like this about anyone before, this strange mixture of intrigue and protectiveness. He was impatient for Lucy to leave because he wanted to be alone with Jensen again, wanted to spend more time studying him, finding out what if anything would unlock more of Jensen’s personality.

***************************

Once Lucy had gone Jared went back into the sunroom and closed the door behind him, he figured he had a couple of hours before the nurse arrived, time that he was going to spend trying to enter Jensen’s world.

Jared sat on the floor near Jensen. He didn’t want to sit opposite him, he didn’t want to spoil Jensen’s view; but he wanted to be where Jensen could still see him. Jared tried to imitate the other man’s posture, legs crossed, hands held loosely in front of him so that he could roll the marble on the floor. It was blue today, Jared noticed; again he wasn’t sure if the colour he chose meant something to Jensen or if he just blindly picked up whichever was on the top of the jar.

“I’m going to give you some peace for a bit, I don’t want to talk at you all the time,” Jared said. “I just thought we could spend some time together, y’know? Listen to the music, enjoy the sun.”

Jared leaned over and took a marble from the jar and began to copy Jen’s movements, letting it roll and spin on the floor in front of him. He wasn’t sure how long Jensen would tolerate his presence, or even if Jensen was aware of him but it seemed as good a place as any to start.

Jared found himself becoming almost hypnotized by the movement in front of him. He’d tried Tai chi when he was at College and this was giving him the same sort of feeling, his mind drifting away, a sort of peaceful detachment. The music tracks on the stereo blended into one another and he lost all sense of time. He didn’t even notice Jensen turn to look at him, was just suddenly aware that he was being watched; that Jensen was scrutinizing him with an alertness that Jared hadn’t seen before.

He held his body perfectly still, his posture mimicking the other man’s, the only movement from the marble in front of him. Jensen’s movements were so small, so controlled it would be easy to miss them but Jared was feeling that he was growing more and more in tune with Jensen’s feelings. He could sense the curiosity from the other man, guessed that no one had tried to share his space like this before.

Jared was distracted by the intensity of Jensen’s gaze; the marble slipped from between his fingers and spun off across the floor. Jared cursed inwardly; the spell was broken sooner than he wanted. He didn’t know whether to retrieve the marble that he’d lost or get another from the jar, he wasn’t sure which would disturb Jensen the least.

Finally he reached out towards the jar when he felt Jensen’s fingertips brush his; Jared looked down and realized Jensen had rolled his own marble towards Jared’s hand. Jared smiled. “Thank you” he whispered before gently rolling it back.

They stayed that way, rolling the marble back and forth between them until the nurse arrived.

[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1)


	6. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (5/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (5/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (5/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,300  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the wonderful [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

I’m really sorry I haven’t got round to answering any of your comments on the last chapter, real life has been sucking hugely. I love and appreciate them all very much and I will have more time this week to get back to you all.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared had been daydreaming when the doorbell rang, his mind drifting as he studied Jensen and played the simple game, the marble rolling back and forth between them. He found himself really resenting the intrusion as the noise shocked him out of his reverie.

He thought maybe Jensen had reacted to the sudden noise too; something about his posture had altered. The man was sitting a tiny bit straighter, his eyes holding a hint of watchfulness. The changes were minute and Jared was sure he would have missed them if he hadn’t been sharing Jensen’s space for the past two hours.

Carefully Jared halted the marble’s progress; he leaned forward and tucked it into Jen’s hand, curling his long, slim fingers around it and holding it there for a moment.

“I guess that means your friend from the hospital is here. I’ll have to go and let him in.”

He paused when he got to the door and turned back; Jen had shifted slightly and it was almost as though he was looking at Jared, he was still holding his fist curled around the marble the way Jared had left him.

Jared smiled at him; each tiny glimpse that Jensen was still in there made Jared more and more certain that he could be reached, could, at least to some extent, be brought back.

****************

He didn’t know exactly what he was expecting a psychiatric nurse to look like but he certainly wasn’t prepared for the two strapping young men on the doorstep. Lucy had said the nurse was a man, but hell! These two were fine specimens, tall and handsome with easy going smiles. Jared couldn’t quite mask his surprise as they showed him their ID cards and told him their names.

Steve explained that they’d both come today so he knew the set up because he’d be covering for Chris at weekends. Jared grinned and introduced himself as he invited them in. “Jen’s in the sunroom, he seems to want to be out there most of the time,” Jared volunteered. “I mean I took him for a walk last night and Lucy tried to take him to the TV room but he always wants to come back here, so I guess he like the sunlight or the music or . . .” Jared tailed off, knowing he was rambling. Something about these two, the fact that they had known Jensen so long, that they would be the ones who would take him away again made Jared feel vulnerable.

Jared led the way into the kitchen and went to put the kettle on while the other two went through to the sunroom to say hi to Jensen. Jared was pleased to note that they knocked before going in and both chatted to Jensen for a few minutes before Steve came back out to the kitchen. The nurse carefully closed the door behind him.

“I hope that’s okay,” Steve drawled, “I wanted to ask you a few questions about how Jensen’s getting on and I don’t like to talk about it in front of him, y’know? Just in case he can hear us.”

Jared nodded his approval, “Yeah, I feel that too; like it’s disrespectful or something.” He hesitated a moment then asked “Is there a reason why you think he can’t hear? I mean other than the fact he doesn’t answer?” Steve shook his head, “Not really, because of his total lack of response most of the standard tests and evaluations are useless, why?”

Jared frowned; he thought Jensen did respond if you looked really, really carefully but he wasn’t about to share that information with anyone else just yet. “Just wondered. D’you want a coffee? Lucy said I should be hospitable!” Steve accepted the mug gratefully and sat back in his chair; he really was the most unlikely looking nurse Jared had ever seen. He wore denims and a casual shirt and his eyes were a piercing blue. Under their scrutiny Jared could feel himself getting flustered again. “So you uh. . . wanted to ask questions?” he prompted.

“Yeah, nothing major, but Jensen is the most fragile patient we’ve had to put back with his family, so I need to make sure you’re all coping. I’m sorry; I didn’t quite get your relationship to him?”

Jared took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm. He knew that Steve wasn’t trying to attack him but he felt defensive just the same; like the man was querying his ability to look after Jensen. “I’m a family friend, my mom and Lucy are really close. We just felt it would be easier on Lucy to have someone else around.”

Steve looked at him intently, “Are you saying it’s too much for her? That she’s not coping?”

“No!” Jared’s reply was vehement though he kept his voice low, still aware of Jen in the next room. “It’s not that at all! She was doing fine, just that everything is easier when there are two of you.” He took a shaky breath and took a nervous swallow from his coffee without really tasting it. “Like getting ready in the mornings, I help him shave and stuff while she cooks breakfast. Once he’s ready he’s no trouble, feeds himself then listens to music in the sunroom.”

“How much is he eating?” Steve asked, “That’s been one of our major issues at the hospital, getting him to eat and drink enough. Lucy knows she needs to call us for backup if there are any problems at all, but his eating is what I’m most concerned about.”

“He’s been fine,” Jared said, feeling strangely proud that he’d been able to accomplish that at least. “He’s been eating his meals regularly and has drinks and snacks as well.”

Steve nodded approvingly, “You’ve been doing real well, he looks good.”

“Do you think so?” Jared asked, “’Cos I thought so too. I mean this morning when we were. . . hanging out in the sunroom, he didn’t seem so anxious.”

There was a soft click as Chris opened the door and came out of the sunroom. “I’ve given him his shot, chatted to him for a while. He’s doing okay.” Jared got up to pour Chris a coffee as the man joined them at the table, Steve held out his mug for a refill.

“I think Lucy and Jared are doing a great job,” Steve said warmly. “They seem to be keeping Jensen nice and stable.” Jared had a guilty flash of Jensen sliding under the table the previous night but smothered the image quickly; he didn’t want these two finding out about that just yet. He brought the mugs of coffee to the table with a plate of cookies; Lucy had made a fresh batch while she was doing breakfast that morning.

“So do you know how long he’ll be here?” Jared asked abruptly. Steve gave him an appraising look, “Have you had enough or do you want to keep him a bit longer?”

Jared flushed and looked away, “I didn’t. . . I wasn’t . . . I mean. . .” he stammered. Steve laughed, “Dude, I was just messing with you. Doing the job we do our humor gets a little twisted sometimes.”

Chris looked at Jared, his eyes hooded, his expression almost as guarded as Jensen’s. “The hospital won’t reopen for several weeks so we’ve got to organize the long term arrangements.” Jared eyed him suspiciously, it wasn’t that the man was openly hostile but he didn’t give off the open, upfront vibe that Steve did. “Won’t he just stay here till the hospital reopens?”

Chris shook his head, “ not automatically, no. We’re pulling together case conferences for three weeks time, all the professionals who are involved with him will submit reports; the decision will get made then as to what’s best for Jensen.”

Jared nodded. “Um, I was just curious, that’s all, I wanted to. . . “ He broke off as the sunroom door opened again and Jensen came out. He took no notice of them as he took himself to the bathroom but on his return he came to stand by Jared.

“Hey buddy, had enough sunshine for a minute?” Jared was aware that the other two were watching him, he felt like he was on trial but he knew he owed it to Jensen to just be as natural as possible. He pulled out the chair nearest him and guided Jensen into it, reaching over to pull the plate of cookies closer. Jensen didn’t touch them but stayed seated at the table.

Chris and Steve chatted to him for a few minutes, telling him about the other patients and about the wedding of a staff member that was due to take place at the weekend. “We’re the band for the evening,” Steve laughed. “So we’re putting in plenty of practise!” “Oh hey, what do you play?” Jared asked, a glimmer of memory beginning to emerge. “Guitar, the instrument of choice for real men!” Steve joked.

“Oh! Jen can play!” Jared exclaimed.

“What?” Chris looked at him with suspicion.

“I knew Jensen a long time ago, and I just remembered something, that’s all.” Jared turned to Jensen and put his hand on Jensen’s arm. “It was that summer, you remember? We were all here, my folks too; we’d had a barbecue and were sitting round out there on the deck and you were playing. What is it when it’s not electric guitar?”

“Acoustic” Steve supplied softly.

“Yeah! You had an acoustic guitar, Jen. You’d put your fingers on the chords so Megan could strum, but then you played properly. You played and Tom sang a bit. You were good Jen, really good.”

“I didn’t know.” Chris muttered helplessly. “Why didn’t his mother tell us? If we knew more about him we could have . . . I don’t know . . . played for him or something.”

Jared still had his hand on Jensen’s arm and he could feel the tension thrumming beneath his skin. He realized then that Jensen was holding himself in with iron control; that somehow, some part of Jensen wanted to react but Jensen was suppressing it.

***********************

Steve and Chris had left shortly after that, leaving Jared to get Jensen’s lunch. He knew instinctively that Jen wouldn’t eat while he was still so keyed up, so he suggested a walk first and was gratified when Jensen stood up almost immediately to go and put on his shoes. _I guess that proves he can hear me too._

During the walk Jared was careful to keep his chatter light and inconsequential; he talked about the dogs, suggesting that he’d bring Sadie over again to go for a proper walk. He kept his hand tucked through Jensen’s arm and could feel the tension draining away as they walked.

Jensen sat at the table again when they returned to the house so Jared figured that meant he was ready for lunch. Jared got the sandwiches out of the fridge and took out plates and glasses.

“What do you want to drink?” he asked lightly; then thought for a moment. “You **can** choose.” Going back to the fridge he got out the juice and the milk and placed them on the table in front of Jensen, he waited for a minute but Jensen didn’t move. Jared exhaled slowly, “So you don’t want to choose or I’ve given the wrong choices?” he muttered to himself. He studied Jensen again for a minute before he realized that Jensen was looking at Steve’s abandoned coffee mug. “Hot damn! You did choose!”

Jared brought over a fresh mug of coffee and placed it on the table. “I’ve left it black, if you want milk it’s here.” Jensen slowly reached out and pulled the mug closer, he took a cautious swallow before setting it back on the table and reaching for a cookie. Jared laughed at him, “Eating the cookies first huh? Sure you don’t want a sandwich?” He pushed the plate closer, taking one for himself as he did. “These ones here are beef, and those are tuna.”

Jensen very deliberately ate his cookie before taking a sandwich and Jared ate his own lunch happily, more sure than ever that he was going to be able to make a difference to Jensen.

After they’d eaten Jared could see that Jensen was tired. He slumped in his chair and he seemed less aware of his surroundings; when he stood up from the table he stumbled a little so that Jared had to move in for him to lean on.  
“Hey Jensen, I know you didn’t feel like watching TV yesterday but we both had a real late night last night and I’m tired. Can we go and sit on the couch for a while? We can put on a music channel if you like but I really need to have a rest.”

Jared sat Jensen on the couch while he fiddled with the television, finding a channel that was playing country rock and turning the volume down low. Jared seated himself by Jensen and sank back into the cushions with a sigh he hadn’t realized quite how tired he was. Jensen too had slid down against the cushions and seemed to be nearly asleep already. Jared shifted in closer and put his hand on Jensen’s arm. Jared was almost asleep himself when he felt Jensen’s hand come up to rest on his chest.

[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1)


	7. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (6/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (6/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (6/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,200  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the wonderful [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

I’m very sorry I still haven’t got round to answering any of your comments on the last chapter, real life has been sucking hugely. I love and appreciate them all very much and knowing how much you all like this story has helped keep me writing this week.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Lucy returned from her shopping trip feeling happier than she had in a long time. She always had a good time when she was with Sharon and today’s outing had been no exception. It had been fun picking out clothes for Jensen, she had not been sure what sort of things to get at first. She’d been worried that he might not manage difficult fastenings and things but Sharon had persuaded her to go with what she’d thought he would like. They’d picked out stone-washed blue jeans and soft, flannel shirts; as well as a variety of T-shirts and underwear. Remembering how much Jensen had enjoyed his music, she also bought him an MP3 player and some speakers, Sharon assured her that Jared would be able to set it up for him.

Afterwards they’d had lunched at their favorite coffee house, and chatted about mutual friends and the school where Sharon worked; Lucy volunteered there in her spare time, helping pupils with special needs. Lucy had also told Sharon how natural Jared had been with Jensen; how much support he was being and Sharon had confessed her relief that Jared had finally found something to focus his attention on. He’d been drifting for far too long, she had been starting to worry about him.

As Lucy let herself in through the kitchen door, she could hear the soft lull of country music coming from the other room. Sticking her head round the door she could see at once that both boys were asleep; she wasn’t surprised, they’d all had an exhausting evening the day before. It warmed her heart to see Jensen like this; for so long the only times she’d seen him had been in the dayroom of the hospital unit. The other young men with him all had a range of mental illnesses and their interactions had been severely limited. In the few days since Jared had been around, she felt that Jensen was more responsive than he’d been in years.

She’d tried hard not to have favorites when it came to all her friends’ children. There were always children in and out of the house, whether for the Sunday socials or the regular barbecues she hosted or just coming to ride the horses. Jared had always been special though and Lucy tracked that back to that summer. The youngest of the four boys he’d still been fearless – trying everything they did; determined to keep up and emulate their teenage bravado. He’d been like a Great Dane puppy, all too big feet and clumsy enthusiasm; even then his gentle good humor had shone through everything he did. His polite and caring nature was a testament to how well he’d been raised and foretold a glimpse of the man he would grow up to be.

That last summer before Jensen’s tragedy had been the last time she’d been truly happy herself. Not long after they were given the news that Jensen would probably never recover; her husband had been diagnosed with throat cancer. She’d fought so hard for him – to the very end he had stayed at home. They’d had the little room behind the kitchen that Jensen was using converted then, she’d had help with the house and the farm but had nursed him herself. All the determination and fortitude she had still hadn’t been enough to get him through.

Despite all her best efforts, all her prayers and willpower the treatment hadn’t worked and in the end he’d said enough was enough and insisted that it all be stopped so that they could enjoy their remaining time together. They hadn’t had long but they’d made it count, most of her memories were happy ones. He’d died peacefully in her arms, morphine numbing the pain but his mind still lucid enough for his last words to be of his love for her.

The memories that she really cherished came from the summer Jensen was with them. David’s diagnosis was still in the future, their life was rich and fulfilled. The one regret of their marriage was that they hadn’t had children, they had wanted to enjoy each other before they started a family and left it too late, Lucy went through an early menopause when she was only 38.

She and David had finally faced the fact they wouldn’t be able to have biological children of their own and had just started discussing the possibility of adoption. From the first day of his stay her nephew had completed them; made them into a family.

She knew they’d spoiled him; bought him CDs and a Discman, given him a generous allowance. They’d taken him on day trips and had parties for him so he could make friends. Lucy was afraid that maybe that had been why he’d acted up when he’d returned to his family; because she’d given him too much freedom and he hadn’t been able to cope with Donna and Alan’s rules when he got home. When she’d said as much to David though he’d told her she mustn’t think like that; she wasn’t to blame. The reason Jensen had come to stay for the summer in the first place was because Donna couldn’t cope with all three children. Josh had been getting ready to go off to college and Donna had wanted to spend some time with him before he left.

After the summer had ended Lucy and David had been reluctant to let him go. His parents had agreed that he could come back at weekends but, after the first couple of visits, the trouble had started and Donna had grounded him; not realizing she was punishing Lucy as much as she was disciplining her son. Lucy’s heart still ached as she remembered Jensen sobbing on the telephone, begging her to please come and get him; Alan had been adamant though and refused to give in. That was the last time she’d spoken to him, that week Donna took him to the Pediatrician and the next time Lucy saw the nephew she’d come to look on as a surrogate son, he was in Intensive Care hooked up to a ventilator.

Lucy gave herself a little shake; now after all this time Jensen had come back to the place he had loved. The little boy who had hero-worshipped him was all grown up but still seemed prepared to follow him around and be his friend. Maybe, just maybe, there was something to be salvaged from the wreckage.

She put Jensen’s new clothes in his room and set about unpacking the rest of the groceries. She had been cautious about the food that she’d served Jensen up until now; his problems with eating in the hospital had made her wary but he’d eaten a good breakfast and judging from the two plates on the table and the empty cookie jar he’d eaten lunch as well.

She decided to make him his favorite supper now. Well, the meal that had been his favorite before anyway. Barbecue Chicken with home-made fries and she’d follow it up with Jared’s favorite Coconut Cream Pie. She was in the mood to spoil her boys and Jensen definitely needed feeding up. She’d do some baking too, more cookies of course and maybe a coffee cake and some blueberry muffins. Lucy found herself humming along to the sound of the television as she worked. Sharon had been right when she said it was good for Jared to have a purpose; Lucy was glad to have one too.

***********************

Jared groaned softly and stretched, his spine had a kink in it from sleeping on the couch. He twisted a little to make it crack and opened his eyes to find Jensen staring at him, the marble rolling gently between his fingers.

“Hey there! I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you; we had kind of a hectic night last night, didn’t we? I didn’t realize how tired I was!” Jared sat up and could hear that Lucy was back and busy in the kitchen. “Shall we go and see what your Aunt Lucy is up too? It smells good whatever it is!” He stood up and walked towards the kitchen; he wasn’t sure whether he should guide Jensen through but the older man stood up and followed without further prompting.

“Ummm! That smells amazing!” Jared grinned at Lucy, it always astonished him how fast she was in the kitchen; making it seem totally effortless as she produced an array of mouth-watering treats. She couldn’t have been back much over an hour and already the cooling rack held cookies and muffins and the oven was filled with more goodies. “Did you have a good day with Mom?”

Lucy looked up from the recipe she was studying, “Lovely thank you dear, we had a real girly day. I’ve put Jensen’s new clothes in his room, do you want to go and see if you approve of our choices?” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear leaving a smudge of flour on her cheek. “I hope you don’t mind Jared, I took the liberty of collecting Sadie on my way home; she’s in the yard.”

“That’s cool, I was going to pop home and get her later anyway,” Jared enthused. “Let’s go get you dressed up then we can take her for a walk,” He said turning to Jensen.

“Don’t be too long,” Lucy warned. “Supper will be ready in an hour.”

************************

Jared was pleased to see Lucy had bought proper clothes for Jensen, he could see his Momma’s hand in some of the selections; some of the T-shirts were very similar to the ones Jared himself wore.

“Hey dude! These’re cool!” Jared put a T-shirt on the bed as he took the tags off the jeans. Jensen tentatively reached out a hand and touched the new denim; he pulled it back and looked at his fingers. Jared looked at him curiously, “What’s the problem, buddy?” He touched the material like Jensen had and found it was crisp and stiff to the touch. “Oh! Too hard for you right?”

He took Jensen’s hand in his and stroked them across the knee of Jared’s jeans. “Feel, mine are soft right? You want yours to be like mine?” Jensen’s hand flexed then relaxed under Jared’s touch. “I thought so, we just need to wash them a couple of times, that’s all; we’ll go and put them through the washer now, shall we?” Jared scooped up the jeans and took the other pair out of the dresser.

In the laundry room, he chatted his way through the process, putting the clothes in the machine and getting Jensen to smell the detergent and softener. “What now then, buddy? Are you up for taking Sadie out? Let’s go into the yard and throw a ball for her.”

****************

Lucy studied them out of the window as she set the table, Jared throwing a tennis ball for the dog while Jensen watched him. It was obvious to her that Jensen was watching though, not just passively standing by as he had done for so long.

Jared came to stand behind Jensen, wrapped his arms round Jen’s body so that he was manipulating him into throwing the ball. When the dog returned with it she would nuzzle him, pushing at Jensen’s thigh with her nose until Jared helped him throw the ball again.

She opened the window so she could hear the stream of animated chatter that seemed to permanently issue from Jared’s mouth.

“Yay girl! Fetch the ball then Sadie! Good throw Jen! That’s awesome. Feel her Jen; her nose is so cold, isn’t it? Aw, you’re my baby girl aren’t you? Go get it then, Jensen’s throwing the ball for Sadie; good throw!”

She laughed softly, her heart gladdened by the sight; Jared and Jensen seemed so at ease as the dog romped round them, Jensen’s normally rigid posture seemed looser, his arms moving fluidly as Jared helped him throw the ball. When the dog finally gave up and refused to bring the ball back Jensen sagged back against Jared’s body. They stayed like that in the evening sunshine until Lucy was ready to call them in for dinner.

  
[ Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html)


	8. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (7/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (7/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (7/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,200  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the wonderful [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),  
[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1), [Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared had found himself becoming totally engrossed in the situation at the ranch; he enjoyed chatting to Lucy and her cooking was out of this world! Mainly though he wanted to spend every possible minute with Jensen. During the week he had felt that there was a bond growing between them. Jared found he was able to pick up all the minute nuances of Jensen’s behaviour, the indicators of his moods; tiny almost imperceptible changes that no one else noticed. The pace that he rolled the marble between his fingers, a tightening of the muscles round his eyes, tremors that ran through his arms all indicated that he was distressed or anxious. A softening to his lips, an ease to his rigid posture showed he was happy, his hand reaching out to Jared meant he was looking for reassurance.

Lucy had insisted that Jared go home after supper on Saturday evening.  
“I can manage tonight, you need to go out and have some fun,” she said. He really would have preferred to stay, maybe taken Jensen down to see the horses or play fetch with Sadie but he was feeling guilty for neglecting Chad and the others so he went out; though not until he’d made her promise to call on his cell if she needed him, and reassuring Jensen that he would be back in the morning.

  
****************************

  
Jared walked into the bar, scanning the crowd for his friends. It wasn’t hard to find them; Sophia, Sandy and Chad were all wearing Pink Lady jackets and giggling wildly. Although he was supposedly only a few minutes late he could see that they had started the party without him. “Jare-bear!” Chad bellowed, “Long time no see, dude! Jell-O Shot?”

Jared laughed in spite of himself and wrinkled his nose, “I’m sticking with beer thanks. Nice threads, what’s this in aid of?”

“Karaoke night!” Sandy slurred, tipping another of the lurid-colored drinks down her throat.

“It’s Grease medley night tonight,” Sophia added.

Chad punched his arm, “So, Dude, you’re holding out on me!”

“What? “ Jared was confused.

“Sophia told me about this babysitting gig, is that why you’re too busy to call me now? Got yourself a nice, little suburban MILF?”

“No! It’s not like that, Chad.” Jared laughed though he did feel guilty for not telling Chad about the situation before.

“Aha! It’s a DILF then!”

“No! Chad, it’s not even proper babysitting, I’m looking after this . . . someone who just got out of hospital!”

“Oh yeah?” Chad wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“He’s just some guy. I dunno, I feel sorry for his aunt; you know my mom’s friend Lucy.”

“Oh, so it’s a Mrs Robinson thing with your Momma’s friend, pretty lady gonna teach you all she knows! J-man, you need to get laid!”

“Don’t make me say the D word, man.” Jared warned. “’cos seriously you are on form tonight. I need another beer!”

He bypassed the girls who were still knocking back the Jell-O shots like they were going out of fashion. Jared suppressed a sigh, he loved these people; he really did. Two weeks ago he’d have been enjoying partying with them, up for every silly prank Chad could come up with. Now though it all seemed vacuous, just a waste of time he could be spending with Jensen. The clamor of the bar was already making his head hurt; he longed for the peace of the sunroom, the muted country music that Jensen seemed to favor. It was going to be a very long night.

Chad, now sporting a lopsided blonde wig grabbed his hand and yanked him towards the stage. “We’re on! Are you ready?” He turned to the tumultuous crowd, “I SAID . . . ARE . . . YOU . . . READY?” They started yelling and catcalling, as the music started to play, Chad was a regular at most of the town’s hotspots and everybody knew he could be relied on for entertainment.

As the girls started wiggling and providing the back-up harmonies Chad began to gyrate himself around Jared’s body, using the taller man’s frame to support an enthusiastic parody of a pole dance. When he sang it was with a forced, squeaking falsetto.

“Look at me I’m Sandra D, lousy with virginity, won’t go to bed ‘til I’m legally wed, I can’t! I’m Sandra D . . .”

*************************

Lucy greeted Jared’s father with a gentle peck to the cheek, Jerry wasn’t quite as tall as his son but she still had to stand on tiptoe to reach him.

“Hey Lucy, I’ve got Jensen’s blood results back and I’ve reviewed his meds so I thought I’d drop by to see what you want to do.”

“That’s kind,” she smiled. “The boys are in the sunroom right now, do you want to talk there or in the kitchen?”

He thought for a moment, “Kitchen I think, it’s been a long day. I’m ready for a cup of coffee and a piece of whatever cake my garbage disposal of a son hasn’t finished off.”

“I have been having to bake double what I usually do since Jared’s been around,” she admitted. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world, seeing how they are together; Jared is so good for him.”

The door to the sunroom was open as they went into the kitchen, Jerry could see his son and Jensen were sitting on the floor; it looked like they were playing marbles. Both young men seemed focused on what they were doing but Jerry had never seen Jensen so alert before. Although his face was still expressionless, his eyes were following every move that Jared made. Even in the few days since his last visit it was obvious how much better Jensen looked, he had filled out a little and his face had a healthy glow that accentuated his freckles.

“See how good they are together?” Lucy said proudly.

Jerry smiled fondly at her, “I think some of it’s down to you too, I’ve never seen him look so robust. I don’t need to ask you if he’s eating!”

They chatted inconsequentially for a few minutes until Jerry was settled with his coffee and a big chunk of Caramel Banana sponge. “That is good; I can see why Jensen can’t resist your cooking!” He opened the briefcase and took out some papers and put them on the table in front of him. “Now I have to say that what I’ve found is fairly significant, I think we need to make some drastic changes to Jensen’s drug regime.”

“Wait,” Lucy held up her hand. “I think the boys should hear this. Jared will need to know and I guess if it concerns Jensen he’s got a right to hear it too.”

“Okay, sure, it’s your call, I mean as long as you think Donna and Alan will be happy with him being here while we discuss it.”

She fixed him with look of steely determination, “Donna and Alan are the other side of the world, I’ve spoken to Donna and she told me to do what ever I think best. Now I’ve told Jared that we are to be guided by your judgement in this but it is a decision we can all make together.” He nodded his assent and Lucy called the boys through, Jensen standing to follow as soon as Jared got up.

Jared made sure Jensen was settled and fetched him a drink before he sat down himself. Jerry cleared his throat feeling strangely nervous; seeing his wayward son looking so mature and level-headed was more than a little unnerving. “Well we have two separate issues with the medications he is on; the first being the levels of toxins in his blood and the second being a clash between two of the medications.” He grinned at Jared across the table, “Jared, you know how much I hate to say this to you but you’re right! If Jensen has been waking up from the coma state the meds he is on would be suppressing him.”

Jared struggled valiantly to suppress his triumphant smirk. “I knew it! I knew he went dozy after he had his shots! Can we stop them?”

Lucy squeezed Jensen’s shoulder. “Oh honey!” she breathed, choked with emotion.

“Well it’s not quite that simple,” Jerry warned. “He will have to go through a very gradual withdrawal program; the anxiety meds he’s on are reacting together with the result that they are certainly sedating him. On top of that the Loxapine is possibly causing nausea and headaches as well. We will need to lower the doses very slowly until he is only taking a maintenance dose of the Ativan; it will control his anxiety with the minimum of side effects.”

Jensen stood up slowly and walked to the fridge, he pulled out a bottle of water, Jared turned to unscrew the cap without seeming to even think about it. Jensen took the water and moved to stand gazing out of the kitchen window as he drank. “Good grief!” Jerry wasn’t able to contain his shock. “He . . . I mean, I didn’t realize that he was already functioning so well. I don’t understand why he wasn’t reviewed sooner.”

“I don’t think he was doing so well before he came to us, were you Jensen?” Jared’s voice was soft and filled with gentle pride. Jerry nodded, and looked back at his notes. “What’s the other issue, Dad?”

“The other drug, the shot is Olanzapine and it has built up to quite high levels in his blood, that too is a sedative and we will need to wean him off slowly. I’ve come up with a regime for tapering the drugs off but we will need to monitor him very carefully.”

“I don’t understand,” Lucy looked troubled. “How did he get to be on so much medication? Will there be permanent damage?”

Jerry looked at his notes again. “Well he doesn’t seem to have been on most of them very long, it looks like they were added to his drug regime when he was so ill last year. That means that the risk of permanent damage is minimal.”

Lucy was peering at him earnestly, eyes shining; while Jared was hanging off his every word as he explained to them his proposals for keeping Jensen stable. “As always. . .” he concluded, “the key indicator to Jensen’s levels of anxiety is his eating; I don’t want to jeopardize all your good work. If there are any concerns at all we will have to review this.”

Jared turned to look at Jensen, he was standing, apparently oblivious to the conversation and gazing out of the window. Miniscule tremors made it look as though he was shivering and Jared suddenly realized that he had grasped what they were talking about. Jensen was able to comprehend what was happening, to understand language beyond what he wanted to drink or going for a walk. Jared was shocked by the revelation but was more concerned about Jensen’s state of mind. He breathed in slowly and stood up, “Thanks for coming over Dad, I think Jensen wants to go out now. We’ll be back soon, Lucy.” He put his arm on Jensen’s and guided him through to the bedroom.

Jensen was obviously too caught up in the maelstrom of emotions that he was feeling to do anything, so Jared helped him put his shoes on and a jacket then led him outside. Jared felt that he needed to get Jensen away somewhere safe, somewhere private where he could let go some of his iron control and Jared could talk to him about what they’d learned. He thought for a moment then headed for the stables.

He pushed open the door to a little room that got used as a junk store, old pieces of tack and some bales of straw almost filled the room, it was small and cramped and stuffy but Jared hoped Jensen would feel safe here. He sat down on a bale and pulled Jensen down beside him, the trembling was getting worse and Jared was afraid that he’d done the wrong thing in not telling his father that Jensen was upset. He was afraid that if he did Steve or Chris would be called and they would want to sedate Jensen again; he couldn’t bear the thought of Jensen being turned into a zombie again when he was just starting to wake up.

Jared wrapped his arms round Jensen in a huge bear hug, pulled him close and began to rock him gently. “It’s good news Jen; it’s okay, it means you will feel better; you **will** be able to come back to us. Jen, I promise that I’ll be here for you, we’ll do this together. It’s going to be okay.” Gradually the trembling stopped until Jensen was lying passively in Jared’s arms. There was a pinched, tight quality to Jensen’s face that made Jared feel even more protective than ever. Gently he ran his fingers over Jensen’s cheekbone, wanting to smooth the tension away. Jensen turned his face, leaning into the touch and Jared felt him relax in Jared’s embrace.

  
[Chapter 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html)


	9. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (8/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (8/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (8/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,600  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the talented and lovely [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

Apologies for leaving it so long between updates, I promise to do better this week. Next update will be on Sunday.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1),[Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Lucy busied herself in the kitchen preparing Jensen’s lunch. It was strange how much she missed Jared when he wasn’t there: his large presence more to do with his big personality than his physical size. She wondered how Jensen felt about it; he never seemed to take any notice of who, if anyone was in the room with him. No one had spent so much time or attention on her nephew for such a long time though and surely that had to count for something.

Jensen’s doctor from the hospital had okayed the changes that Jerry had recommended so Chris was leaving it as late as he could to come and give Jensen his shots. That meant that after Jared had left for work that morning they had been on their own. Jensen had been in the sunroom most of the time, but once when Lucy had looked up from putting a tray of cookies in the oven he had been standing and looking at her. She’d offered him a drink and a snack and he’d sat at the table for a long time, although he never looked directly at her Lucy couldn’t help feeling that he was watching her while he ate.

Following Jared’s example, Lucy talked to him while she worked; chattered about the movie she’d been to with Sharon and her plans to ride out in the evening when Jared got back from work. “Your hair’s getting longer, honey; maybe we’ll have a go at cutting it later. All the time you and Jared spend outside, it’s going blonder again. When you were here that summer it was bleached almost white you were outside that much.” She wiped her floury hands on a towel and turned to smile at her nephew, “I’ve made another cream pie for supper tonight. Jared likes them so much. I think you do too.”

Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, Lucy moved to stand next to her nephew and folded him into her arms. Usually he pulled away from physical contact and she prepared herself to be rejected but instead Jensen leaned into the embrace, burrowing his face into her neck and staying with her until she pulled away to wipe her eyes. “Oh lovey! Look at me! It makes me so happy to have you here with me again. Now I’ve got to get our lunch, so why don’t you go sit in the yard with Sadie for a while? I can hear her whining out there, I think she’d like some company.”

Lucy found it hard to contain her joy. Jensen still didn’t talk or make eye contact, but Jared was right: Jensen was awake, he was aware of them. At her words, he stood up and walked out to the yard; she watched him out of the window as the dog came straight up to him, tail wagging and obviously pleased to see him. Lucy chuckled out loud as Jensen slipped the dog a cookie that he’d taken without her noticing and sat on the edge of the deck; as soon as she’d crunched her cookie, the dog curled up beside him, her head in his lap.

*************************************

  
Jared gently untangled the sleeping child’s arms from round his neck and handed her to her mother. “She’s had a fantastic day, the petting zoo was so much fun; but then she got sick on the coach on the way home and has been asleep since we got back.”

The mother smiled, tired but grateful. “She loves coming here so much, all I hear is Jared said this and Jared said that; I’m sure she’ll be just fine once we get home.” Jared smiled and waved as she left, but the minute she was gone, he let out a huge sigh.

“God! I stink of barf! Tell me again why I’m doing this?”

Sophia laughed and reached up to pat him on the head, “Aw honey! Did those scary three year olds wear you out?”

“I’m going home to grab a shower the minute that we get out of here,” he moaned.

“Hey Jared, how was the field trip?” Sandy came out of the office holding a bunch of memos.

“He’s all tired and cranky ‘cos Hannah threw up on him on the coach coming home!” Sophia grinned.

“Ew! I wondered what the smell was.” Sandy shuffled through her messages; “Jimmy’s mom called, she’s going to be late and Emily’s dad popped in to say she’s definitely got Chicken Pox. Oh and someone called Lucy phoned for Jared, she said to please come over as soon as possible.”

“Hey Jay-red! You got a new lady in your life?” Sophia teased.

Jared felt the blood drain from his face; he dragged his cell phone from his pocket and realized he’d managed to turn it off without noticing. He suppressed his panic, aware of the children still around them and switched the phone back on. Immediately it beeped showing a host of messages and missed calls. “Sophia, please; there’s got to be a problem with the guy I look after. They wouldn’t phone me here unless it was serious.”

Sophia did a quick headcount, “Okay, we’re covered. I’ve got enough staff if you have to go; but you owe me!”

Sandy grabbed Jared’s arm, “Calm down a minute, come to the office and call them. If you drive off now you’ll be dangerous.” Numbly he did as she suggested, feeling his heart pounding in his chest as he waited impatiently for Lucy to answer the phone.

************************

Jared burst into the kitchen to find Chris and Steve had got there ahead of him. Chris had his medical bag open on the kitchen table and was drawing up a syringe.

“No, wait. What’s going on?” Jared asked, his eyes searching for Jensen.

“He’s in there,” Chris indicated the sunroom. “He’s gotten upset, won’t stop crying, we don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Just crying?” Jared asked, “Not banging his head or trying to hurt himself?”

“Just crying but he won’t let anyone near him and he’s been doing it for a couple of hours now.” Chris looked over to Steve who was talking to Jensen from the doorway, his soft drawl trying to offer reassurance. “I’m going to give him a shot, help him calm down. He’ll make himself ill if he keeps it up.” Chris flicked the barrel of the syringe and pressed the plunger in a little.

“Please,” Jared begged. “Let me try first, just give me a minute with him.”

Not waiting for an answer Jared shoved past Steve and made his way to Jensen’s side. “Jen? Can you hear me? I’ve got you now, it’s okay.”

Jensen sat in his normal position in front of the windows; tears poured down his cheeks. Apart from an occasional choked gasp, he was silent but the sobbing was so intense that his whole body shook with the effort. Lucy was sitting nearby, looking nearly as distressed as her nephew.

“Oh Jared, honey! Thank God you’re here. I found him like this a couple of hours ago, I couldn’t reach you; I didn’t know what to do!”

“It’s alright Lucy, why don’t you take Steve and Chris and put the kettle on? Give Jen and I some space for a bit; I don’t want him drugged again, please.”

Lucy stood up shakily and looked at the two young men. Although he was still crying Jensen hadn’t pushed Jared away as he had the rest of them. More than that, he’d got his hand on Jared’s bicep and was holding onto him as though his life depended on it.

“I think we need to give him a shot,” Chris insisted stubbornly. “He’s gonna have a major relapse if we don’t stop this now!”

Lucy breathed in and looked at Steve for guidance, as the more senior of the two nurses she respected his judgement. She understood why Jared didn’t want to see Jensen sedated but she didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardise his health.

Steve shook his head slowly. “No Chris, give him a little longer. I’ve never seen him express any emotion before; maybe he needs to do this. If he’s not hurting himself, I think we can give him a few more minutes.”

Jared concentrated on trying to calm his own breathing as the others moved out of the sunroom and into the kitchen; he was aware that they could still see and hear what was going on but at least they weren’t in the immediate vicinity.

“Jen, I hate seeing you like this, I wish I knew what was wrong,” Jared murmured softly into Jensen’s hair. For once Jared found himself lost for words as he tried to comfort the man sobbing in his arms. Already though he could feel the tremors were subsiding and Jensen was getting calmer. Jared continued to hold Jensen close, rubbing his hand up and down Jensen’s back.

It was only a matter of minutes until the crying had ceased completely and Jared was able to ease back a little. Aware that his flannel shirt was now completely ruined, Jared stripped it off and slung it in the corner. “Do I smell a little better now, buddy? That shirt was gross!”

Jensen sat up and looked at him and Jared could see the question in his eyes. “One of the kids at work upchucked while we were on a field trip this afternoon. It’s why I didn’t get Lucy’s message. I’d have come straight away if I’d known you needed me.” Jared wiped a stray tear from Jensen’s cheek with his thumb.

Chris was watching them from the doorway, his expression carefully guarded. Jared tried to ignore the nurse and refocus his attention on Jensen; he didn’t want to give Chris an excuse to alter Jensen’s medication again.

“That was a lot of emotion to come out,” Jared said softly. “I bet you’ve been keeping that bottled up inside for a very long time.” Jensen lolled against him and tightened his hand a little on Jared’s arm. “I bet you’re ready for a drink now, shall we go see Lucy? You can show her you’re okay now, she was worried about you.”

Jared could see the amazement on Chris’s face as Jensen stood up, still clutching Jared’s arm and walked through to the kitchen. As he backed up to let them past, Jared had to fight down the urge to tell the medic to pack up his zombie drugs and fuck off.

Jared wasn’t sure how to proceed, he wanted to keep treating Jensen the way he always did, but was afraid to put him on the spot in front of Chris and Steve. He opened the fridge and peered in; Jen was still holding his arm, which made it easier to follow their normal routine.

“Milk, juice or soda?” he asked, looking over his shoulder. Jensen turned away from the fridge and released his hold on Jared to go and stand by Lucy who was pouring Jared a mug of coffee.

“Want one of these too, huh?” Lucy smiled at him, “Well okay, honey.” She reached down another mug. Jared took his gratefully. “I think you’re going to be pretty dehydrated, Jensen. If you’re going to drink coffee, you ought to have a cold drink first.”

Chris looked at Jared as though he’d completely lost the plot, but Steve was taking in every nuance of the interchange between the three with interest.

“Jensen must be exhausted now; I should take him through to rest. You shouldn’t talk to him like that.” Chris kept his tone low but there was no missing the admonishment in his voice.

Jared flushed and slumped down in a chair. How else was he supposed to talk to him then? He was damned if he was going to start treating him like a kid.  
“Chris, I work with pre-school kids all day; believe me when I tell you that being with Jensen is nothing like that. He’s a grown up and I intend to keep treating him like one!” Chris tried to silence him, afraid of upsetting Jensen all over again.

Jensen seemed oblivious to the altercation. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water, carefully opened the cap and drank it in deep, thirsty gulps as Chris and Jared watched open mouthed; stunned into silence by his actions. When Jensen placed the empty bottle into Jared’s hand, Jared couldn’t help laughing, his delighted grin lighting up the whole of his face. “Well I guess that means you’re ready for your coffee now, huh?”

*******************************

Steve glanced at his companion, Chris was obviously deep in thought and the journey home so far had been silent. “Penny for ‘em.” he quipped.

“I’m worried about Jensen,” Chris admitted.

“I think he’s doing well,” Steve tried to reassure. “I think he looks better than I’ve ever seen him. In fact I think he’s waking up.”

“That’s what worries me,” Chris stated quietly. “If he is, he needs to be where we can monitor him properly; do more tests on his levels of consciousness; get him the therapy he needs.”

“I think he’s doing just fine where he is, I think it’s Jared and Lucy and that house that are bringing him back. He turned to Jared for comfort. Even when he was so distressed, he didn’t head under the table or into the corner; he didn’t try to hide at all. He near as dammit asked for that cup of coffee. What more do you want?”

Chris stared moodily out of the window. “I want him to be safe, I’m just not convinced that they can look after him properly, give him what he needs.”

“I know; believe me I understand what you’re saying and it’s hard for me too.” Steve could see that Chris was more than a little jealous of Jared's relationship with Jensen, but could see too that he was genuinely concerned for the man’s well being. “I thought we were taking care of him right for so long and yet we never got him to react like Jared does.”

Chris sighed slowly. “It’s like this kid comes along, he’s got no training, no experience of mental health issues, no knowledge of how to deal with a problem as complex as Jensen’s and yet that’s what Jensen responds to; after all our years of hard work.”

Steve was very disturbed by Chris’s reaction, they worked hard at keeping their personal and professional lives separate. For the first time he felt like a work issue was something that might come between them. “Maybe those are the very reasons he’s been able to connect with Jensen,” he suggested. “He’s got no expectations, no preconceived ideas; he’s just running on enthusiasm and intuition.”

He rolled the Jeep into its parking slot outside their apartment and switched off the engine. “We’ve got the knowledge and the experience; we’re still here for support and back up. We’ll make sure that Jensen stays safe, I promise.”

Chris still didn’t look completely convinced but he made a good enough show of conversation over dinner that Steve figured they’d sorted things out for now at least.

  
[Chapter 9 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1)


	10. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (9/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy day (9/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (9/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** This part PG, will rise later.  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve, Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,000  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the talented and lovely [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

RL sucked badly this week! [](http://angieobsessed.livejournal.com/profile)[**angieobsessed**](http://angieobsessed.livejournal.com/) I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday hun, this Chapter is for you and I hope you had a good day.

Next Chapter on Wednesday.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Ch 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Ch 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Ch 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Ch 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Ch 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Ch 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1),[Ch 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
“I can’t do this! It’s no good!” Jared yelled as he hurled the orange away from him. The fruit bounced across the kitchen floor and rolled against the fridge.

“It’s okay,” Steve said soothingly. “You’re doing fine, just keep practising.”  
Jared forcefully banged the water filled syringe down on the table and shook his head slowly.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” His voice was filled with anguish, “Sure, you could teach me to do this, to give Jensen his shots and then you wouldn’t need to come out here so much; it’s just . . .” His voice trailed off and he looked the picture of misery as he sank his head into his hands.

“Hey! It’s not a problem; I don’t mind coming here,” Steve tried to reassure, not quite understanding why this was upsetting Jared so much.

“Nuh-uh!” Jared shook his head. “I mean even if I could give the shots perfectly I couldn’t do it, because it hurts him; it hurts Jen and I can’t make myself do that,” Jared’s voice was agonized.

“Okay,” Steve drawled the word out, making it sound like it had at least five syllables.

Steve wasn’t sure what was going on with Jared but he wanted to give him a chance to explain. The younger man had been edgy all night; Steve had spent a couple of hours at the ranch that evening, knowing that Lucy had gone away for the weekend. He had hoped it would give him a chance to find out why Jared was always so edgy around him but as yet Jared hadn’t really spoken, other than to be polite and offer refreshments.

He picked up the orange and tossed it in the trash and carefully disposed of the syringe in the medical waste container he’d brought with him. The plan to teach Jared to give the shots had come up during the week because it would mean that Steve and Chris wouldn’t have to come so late. At the moment they were doing the shots at seven, but that still meant Jensen was sleepy for most of the evening.

Steve had brought his guitar with him and had played for Jensen while Jared cleared up the dinner things. It had been an interesting experience; to all intents and purposes Jensen didn’t seem any different to when he’d been in the hospital and yet . . . Steve couldn’t quite put his finger on it but there **was** a difference; it did seem to him as though Jensen was listening. He was more alert; his eyes were less glassy; the changes so minute that only someone who was used to being with him a lot would notice.

When Jared came in, he had led Jensen over to sit right beside Steve, had placed Jensen’s hand on the guitar to feel the vibrations. And maybe, just maybe Jensen **had** responded, had brushed his fingers along the fret without Jared prompting.

Steve sighed and ran his fingers back through his hair; he looked over to where Jared had buried his face in his hands, elbows on the table and looking utterly dejected. Steve felt at a loss as to what to say to this unusual young man. Jared seemed so confident and in control when Jensen was here but seemed to be completely lost now Jensen was in bed.

“Jared? Talk to me. Tell me what the problem is.” Steve prompted.

“Why are you still here?” Jared returned softly. “It’s getting late; haven’t you got a wife, a girlfriend to be getting home to?”

Steve laughed gently. “Things are a little rocky at home right now,” he admitted.

“”I’m sorry.” Jared pushed back his chair and went to the fridge. “Want a beer?” Steve nodded and watched as Jared popped the caps and came back to sit down, passing one of the beers across the table to him.

“I guess you must be pretty busy, fitting in the home visits and sorting out what’s happening with the hospital and all.” Jared was obviously too polite to ask outright but Steve could hear the question in his voice just the same.  
Steve weighed things up for a minute as he took a deep swig of the beer, trying to decide how much to share with Jared.

“Well, my partner’s pretty understanding about all that stuff usually. You know him actually; it’s Chris.” He studied Jared’s face for a reaction. Jared said nothing but drank his beer steadily.

“We try and keep it separate from work. Most of the time that’s pretty easy, but I guess things have got a little blurred around the edges since the fire.” Jared still didn’t react; he’d obviously been spending too much time with Jensen. Steve didn’t have a clue what the other man was thinking; if he was even listening. “His heart’s in the right place but he has his own ideas, y’know? He can be a bit of a hardass if he doesn’t agree with you. It’s putting a bit of a strain on things at the moment but we’ll sort it out; we always do.”

“Yeah,” Jared breathed, his voice so quiet Steve had to lean in to hear him. “I had . . . in college I was sleeping with . . . this guy. He was a lot older than me, he owned the campus bookshop. James was so cool, had his own ideas. I learned a lot from him . . . about myself I mean.”

“Uh-uh!” Steve was almost afraid to respond, Jared seemed so lost in his thoughts. It was amazing how someone so large could suddenly appear so small and defeated.

Jared took another swallow of his beer. “I didn’t understand the rules; that he’d pick someone each year to share the benefit of his wisdom with; that I was supposed to realize that it was meant to be part of my welcome to college experience.” He laughed bitterly and Steve had to hold himself back from reaching out.

“That’s rough,” he sympathized.

Jared flashed a smile that was obviously forced. “I’m making it sound worse than it was. He cared for me as much as he was capable of caring for anybody. We were together for eighteen months and a lot of it was good, just . . . I was in deeper than he was; like you said about Chris, he could be a hardass but that was part of his charm. When it ended it was like everything had no meaning, I stuck it out at college till the summer then came home. I’ve been drifting ever since.”

Jared finished his beer and pushed the empty bottle away from him, he finally raised his eyes to meet Steve’s. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I have to be a hardass too; I have to stick to my principles about this. I can’t hurt Jensen and that’s more than just not wanting to stick him with a needle. I really believe that those meds are poisoning him and the quicker he’s off them the better. I can’t be a part of giving them to him.”

Steve smiled at him, trying to put as much genuine affection and understanding into it as possible, wanting to chase the haunted look from the young man’s eyes. “It’s cool. I get it, really I do. We can’t just stop giving him the meds though ‘cos the cold turkey would be worse for him in the long run. But it’s my job to do the shots; I’ll keep doing them as long as you need me to.”

Jared smiled again and to Steve’s relief it was genuine this time, lighting up his face and making his eyes fill with warmth. “Thank you.”

***************************

After Steve had gone Jared pottered around the ranch kitchen for a while. It was strange to have the place to himself. Time alone was something he didn’t get very often. He debated getting another beer then figured one was enough, he needed to be able to think straight in case Jensen needed him. He knew coffee would keep him awake so in the end he settled for juice; pouring it into a large tumbler and drinking it out on the deck while Sadie romped round in the dim evening light.

His mind was turning over the conversation he’d had with Steve, wondering if he’d told the older man too much. Jared didn’t know why it was important to him what Steve thought about him; maybe it was something to do with Jensen; whether Jensen would like him if he woke up; if Jensen did like him now.

Whistling softly Jared called the dog back to his side. If he’d been able to take the dogs with him to college maybe things would have turned out differently. Sadie was such a good judge of character – she’d have sniffed James out for the phoney he was in seconds. No, that wasn’t fair; James had never really pretended to be anything he wasn’t. Jared had just read more into the situation than he should have.

Angrily he scrubbed his hand across his eyes, he’d cried enough tears over the man, he should have moved on long ago. Sadie whined and he sank down beside her, the wood of the deck was still warm to the touch. He twisted his hand into the soft fur round her neck and allowed himself the luxury of tears for one last time, remembering how James’ hair had felt under his hands, how perfectly blue his eyes had seemed, how every word he uttered had seemed to be so wise.

A soft hand on his shoulder startled him and Jared turned to see Jensen crouching down behind him. “I’m okay Jensen, honestly, it’s fine.” Jensen squeezed his arm gently and then touched a finger to Jared’s wet cheek. “It’s just memories, Jensen. I promise.” He wiped his eyes and stood up, noticing for the first time that Jensen was barefooted and wearing only his pajamas. “Come on buddy, you’ll catch cold. Let’s go in and get a hot drink, see what else Lucy left us to eat.”

***********************

It took a few moments for Jared to work out where he was when he woke, the room was unfamiliar and it took a minute before he remembered that he was staying at the ranch while Lucy was away with his Mom for the night. Then he heard the noise that had woken him again, a whimpering sound coming through the intercom from Jensen’s bedroom. Instantly Jared was out of bed; he half fell over Sadie as he ran from the room, muttering apologies to her as he went. He ran down the stairs, his hands were shaking as he tried to undo the bolt to Jensen’s room.

Jensen was still whimpering and he moved restlessly on the bed as he did so. Jared pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. “Jensen? Jen? Can you hear me? It’s just a dream, Jen, you’re okay, I’m here.” But Jensen continued to whimper and moan, his voice sounding thin and scared and it made Jared’s heart ache to hear the sadness in the unfamiliar sounds that the man was making.

Jared leaned over Jensen, overwhelmed by the urge to scoop him into his arms, to just hold him until he was calm again. Jensen responded instinctively, tumbling into the security of Jared’s embrace; his hand clutching Jared’s arm so that Jared couldn’t easily let him go again. Jared eased himself onto the bed behind Jensen, spooned round him so that he could hold him more comfortably. He lay on the bed, silent for once; not sure what to say; what to do.

Jensen seemed calmed by Jared’s presence, by being held and he settled at once. Jared lay awake in the dark, eyes open, staring at nothing; the sadness of his mood from earlier in the evening was still with him, but somehow he felt comforted by Jensen’s grip on his arm, by the fact that Jensen needed him and finally Jared slept as well.

[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1),


	11. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (10/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (10/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (10/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** PG13  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,200  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the talented and lovely [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a bit since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),Chapter 6, [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1),  
[ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Chad did a handbrake turn into the driveway and screeched his convertible sports car to a halt outside the ranch. He grinned at his companion as he took his sunglasses off and slid them into his shirt pocket.

“I’m still not sure this is a good idea,” Sophia muttered. “We really should have called Jared first, checked it was okay to come out here.”

“It’ll be cool. Anyway, if the man mountain won’t come to us, we gotta go to the man mountain,” Chad responded dryly. As they got out of the car and walked towards the house they could see a man sat on the deck with Sadie so rather than knocking Chad called out.

“Hey there, we’ve come to say hi to Jared. Is he around?” he yelled.  
The man looked at him blankly, threading his fingers through the fur round Sadie’s neck as they walked towards him. “Jared, y’know, eight feet tall, six feet across the shoulders?” Still no response and Chad wasn’t used to being ignored. “Jared, comprendez? Donde esta’ Jared?” he yelled even louder.

The guy finally stood up and Chad could see that he was taller than he’d first thought, blonde and sun tanned, good looking if you liked them pretty like that.

Sophia smiled gently at the guy; she had already guessed that this must be the man that Jared looked after but he’d never actually said what was wrong with him. “Ignore Chad. He’s an idiot!” she said softly. “Do you know where Jared is, honey?”

He turned away from them and walked into the house with Sadie padding softly after him.

“Well, that was weird!” Chad drawled, “not exactly chatty, was he?”

“So do we follow him or should we stay here?” Sophia asked. “I really don’t know why I let you talk me into this!”

“It’s my natural good looks and boyish charm!” Chad joked.

**********************

Jared was in the kitchen putting together sandwiches for lunch while Jensen was outside with Sadie. It had been a little weird waking up with Jensen that morning, but not in a bad way. Jensen had seemed very relaxed, even pleased that Jared was there. He’d showered and dressed quickly and helped Jared get breakfast, pouring them both glasses of juice and finding the bacon and eggs from the fridge.

After breakfast Lucy and Sharon had called to see how they were getting on. Jared chatted to his Mom for a few minutes and then passed Jensen the phone; he’d appeared more alert than Jared had ever seen him and was obviously listening as Lucy described the hotel they were staying in.

Their morning had been spent playing with Sadie and walking by the creek. When it got too hot outside, they’d come back to the ranch and Jared had made them both ice creams. Now Jensen was sitting on the deck with Sadie while Jared prepared their lunch. He seemed to have forged a real bond with the dog and now he seemed to prefer sitting with her to being in the sunroom.

Jared sang along to the radio as he rummaged in the fridge for salad and cold meat. He jumped a little in surprise when Jensen caught hold of his arm. “Oh! You startled me!” he exclaimed.

“Jar. . ?” Jensen’s voice was so soft it was barely a whisper but it was there!

“Oh my God! Jensen, you spoke! You said my name, dude, that’s fantastic!”

“Jar . . .” he said again and if the smile didn’t appear on his face yet, it still shone through his eyes. Jared’s eyes sparkled in return and he grinned a face-splitting grin.

Jensen took his arm and led him through the sunroom and back out onto the deck. He pointed to Sophia and Chad, who were still arguing on the deck as to whether or not they were in the right place.

“Hey guys!” Jared called. “Good of you to drop by!”

“Well Jay-red! Man, what else could we do? We haven’t seen you for days, we were afraid you’d dropped off the face of the earth.”

Sophia peeped out from behind Chad’s shoulder and waved. “Er, hi!”

Jared shook his head, “I don’t know if you’re ready for this, Jensen, but here goes nothing! Jensen, this is Chad. He’s an idiot but mostly harmless.”

Chad raised his hand in a mock salute as Jensen studied him carefully. “Hey, Jensen!”

Jared indicated Sophia, “and this is Sophia, we have to be nice to her ‘cos technically she’s my boss! Guys, this is Jensen, we’ve been hanging out for a few days.”

“So what’s with the strong and silent here then? Is it like a rainman act or something?”

Sophia immediately hit Chad round the shoulder, annoyed at his lack of tact; “You douche!” She yelled. Jared felt his fist bunch instinctively and had to force himself to stay calm as Jensen retreated back against him, gripping Jared’s bicep for support.

“Jen, it’s cool. They’re only messing, only playing around, okay? No big deal, I promise.” Jared could feel Jensen twisting and fidgeting the fabric of his shirt; he could feel the anxiety coming off his friend in waves. “It’s okay, Jen,” Jared repeated. He fished in his pocket for a marble and carefully placed it in his friend’s hand, disengaging Jensen’s fingers from their tight grip on Jared’s shirt to do so.

“Chad, let’s get one thing straight, okay? Jensen is coming out of a coma, but he understands everything that is said, so you treat him with respect or you can leave now.” Jared kept his tone low and even friendly, but he made it very clear that he meant what he said.

“Sure, sorry.” Chad grinned ruefully and turned to Jensen, “. These two are right, Jensen. I am an idiot, I’m really sorry, man.” Chad smiled a genuine smile and Jared remembered why he was friends with the man in the first place; sure he could be a douche at times, but he wouldn’t purposely hurt anyone and his heart was in the right place.

Soon the four of them were settled in the garden with cold drinks, sandwiches and a plate of muffins, Jared grinned as he handed them round, “Honestly, I’m sure Lucy thought we were going to starve while she was away, she’s left enough baked goods to feed an army!”

Jensen relaxed quickly, seeming to enjoy the interchange of banter between the three friends. Chad and Jared were teasing each other while Sophia seemed to act almost as referee. Sadie remained protective; lying across Jensen’s feet, occasionally nudging his fingers to remind him to drop cake in her direction.

Jared liked to see his two friends together; Sophia was the one woman Chad liked and respected too much to fool around with. Jared just hoped his friend would realize how right they were together before Sophia gave up waiting for him and found someone else.

After about an hour they started talking about leaving. “Tomorrow we’re going to my mom’s, gonna hang out by the pool. You guys should come,” Sophia offered.

“Yeah, totally,” agreed Chad. “Sandy’s coming over with her new sugar daddy but that’s all. We’ll keep it quiet.”

“Well . . .” Jared hesitated. “I’m not sure; I mean I don’t know if Jen can even swim or anything.”

Sophia smiled over at Jensen, “What do you think, Jensen? Want to come to a pool party? If you don’t want to swim, you can top up your tan. We might even barbecue later!” she encouraged.

Jensen turned to Jared, “Jar?” his voice all whispered hoarseness, but still betraying his eagerness.

There was no way Jared could resist that. “Of course we can go if you want to.”

Suddenly anxious, Jen started plucking at his jeans; Jared looked at him with concern. “What’s the matter, buddy? Oh, of course you’ll need something else to wear! What do you think, Sophia? Is he a Speedos guy or more of a board shorts man?” he teased.

Sophia looked at Jensen appraisingly, “Well I’d love to see him in Speedos but I think board shorts are more his style!”

Jensen’s face twitched and Jared could swear that he was trying to smile. “Okay then, buddy; we’ll stop at the mall on the way over.”

“You might want to get him some throat pastilles too,” Sophia suggested. “We had a little girl at pre-school last year who was elective mute. When she first started talking again her throat was real sore. It’s a hard job getting the vocal chords working again. I have some of the exercises that I did with her in my office still, you can have them on Monday if you like.”

“Thank you, that’d be cool. We’ll be over to you about three then. Shall we bring something for the barbecue?” Jared smiled; glad his friends had accepted Jensen so easily.

“Yeah, you can bring more of these muffins, they’re awesome,” Chad laughed as they headed off to the car, glad that they’d come to find Jared.

***********************

When Steve got home from giving Jensen his shot that night, Chris had already started drinking. Steve had stayed later than he’d meant to, he’d found himself succumbing to the atmosphere of the ranch. Jared was good conversation and Jensen seemed to be opening up more everyday, Steve had taken his guitar again and found that their gentle admiration of his playing was more rewarding than the applause of the biggest audience.

Several beer bottles lay empty on the table and Chris had already started on the tequila. “You bothered to come back then,” he muttered bitchily as Steve hung his keys on the hook and put his jacket in the closet.

“Don’t start, Chris!” Steve warned wearily. “I told you, I only stayed late last night ‘cos I was playing the guitar for Jensen. I wanted to play for him again tonight.”

“Yeah right!” Chris slurred. “And that big chunk of manhood doin’ the babysitting was nothin’ to do with it!”

“He’s a nice kid, nothing more. Chris, why are you being like this?”

“It’s just wrong, is all. I mean how do we know that he’s got no ulterior motive?”

Steve shook his head. “You’re talking nonsense, Jared’s not like that.”

“Why would anyone want to hang around like that? Have all the work of lookin’ after Jensen if he wasn’t after something?” Chris poured himself another shot of tequila and knocked it back, barely wincing as the liquor went down.

“We do it,” Steve pointed out, “and I don’t even know why I’m bothering to argue with you when you’re like this.”

“Yeah, well, we get paid,” Chris murmured, but he was already losing interest in the argument, hauling himself to his feet and heading towards the bathroom.

Steve slumped himself down on the sofa; he really didn’t need this; Chris’ jealousy was so senseless. Sure, Jared _was_ a nice kid and he’d won Steve over with his devotion to Jensen and his easygoing nature, but that was all there was to it. Steve had thought Chris had understood that, but clearly that wasn’t the case because Chris was obviously still feeling insecure and Steve wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Steve poured himself a drink and downed the tequila, relishing the burn as it hit the back of his throat.

Shaking his head, he stood up and put the bottle away and put the empty beer bottles in the trash. Quietly he set the apartment straight before settling down to play his guitar, calming himself with music until Chris was ready to try and fix this thing properly.

[Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html)


	12. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (11/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (11/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (11/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** PG13  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,200  
 **Beta:** Many thanks to the talented and lovely [](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunset_dark**](http://sunset-dark.livejournal.com/) , but I have played with it a lot since I got it back, so any mistakes are mine. Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** is chocolate for the soul – please feed me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),Chapter 6, [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1),  
[ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1)

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared had called Lucy at the hotel to see what she’d thought of the plan to take Jensen to Sophia’s pool party. He was concerned as to whether it was a good idea for Jensen to leave the security of the ranch when he was making so much progress; he explained his particular concern over how Jensen had reacted badly to Chad and Sophia’s play fighting.

They’d discussed it at length and in the end had decided that since Jensen was obviously keen to go then it would be okay for Jared to take him, it was probably as safe an environment as anywhere for him to go out for the first time. Lucy suggested that he call Chad again and explain the importance of not fighting, even in fun, when Jensen was around. After all despite the progress he’d made it was only three weeks since he’d had the terrible scene of hiding under the table and banging his head. Jared agreed and promised to watch carefully that Jensen didn’t get stressed or tired and to bring him home in plenty of time to meet Steve. Lucy was due to return that evening and should be back when they got home anyway.

Steve had stayed late with them again that evening, sharing their evening meal because Lucy, as usual, had left enough for more than just the two of them. He’d played his guitar again afterwards, delaying giving Jensen his shot as late as possible. Jensen didn’t speak in front of Steve but had listened to the music intently, reaching out to feel the vibrations in the guitar without being prompted. Jared had watched in wide-eyed fascination as Jensen had allowed his fingers to cover Steve’s, his joy at the music obvious.

Jensen now seemed far more relaxed in Steve’s presence, Jared thought it had something to do with Sadie’s acceptance of the man. She bounced up to great him each day with her tail wagging and Jensen seemed to understand that if Sadie liked him he must be okay. Sadie and Jensen were both more wary of Chris however, Jared had to smother a chuckle on one occasion when Sadie growled at him for trying to hurry Jensen inside for his shot.

After he’d gone to bed, Jared and Steve sat out on the deck in the dying heat of the evening and had another beer. They didn’t talk much but the silence was friendly and Jared had sensed that Steve was just enjoying the tranquility as he psyched himself up to go home. His reluctance to leave was palpable but Steve had tried to laugh it off, putting his tension down to the fact that he had so many reports to write for the case conferences that were to be held that week. Jared didn’t push but he suspected that Steve’s tension had more to do with the deterioration of his relationship with Chris than any work pressures.

Jensen had had a peaceful night but Jared had found himself lying awake and listening to the monitor. Jensen’s breathing was soft and even but Jared caught himself almost hoping for something that would mean he could go down to Jensen’s room. His own house was always filled with noise, Megan’s teeny bopper music played all night; his Dad being called out and his Mom always getting up with him, sitting in the kitchen with the TV on and doing her marking until he returned safely. The ranch was so quiet that every sound startled him and kept him on edge. Eventually he drifted off, glad of Sadie’s presence as she curled on his feet; her gentle snores an accompaniment to Jared’s thoughts.

Jared tried to wake early but the poor night’s sleep had taken its toll and he felt groggy and uncoordinated, unable to wake up fully. He lay there, not awake and not asleep and wondered if this was how Jensen felt all of the time. When he heard Jensen on the monitor, obviously up already and getting dressed, Jared forced himself awake and leapt out of bed. Jared hated to think of him waking alone in the locked room and hurried to get dressed so he could go and let him out.

After they’d eaten and walked Sadie, they’d wandered down to the stable to pet the horses. Jensen seemed fascinated by the velvety softness of their muzzles, stroking them for as long as they would tolerate it. The ranch was worked by a manager and two farmhands who had all grown used to seeing Jared and Jensen wandering about the place. Cary, the manager was grooming the horses when they arrived and she greeted them cheerfully and tossed Sadie a treat.

As she explained what she was doing, Jensen was running his fingers over the muscles in the big bay horse’s shoulder. “That one’s called Rufus; do you want to help me groom him?”

Jensen didn’t respond but Jared nodded, “Sure, he’d like that. Wouldn’t you?” So she passed Jensen a currycomb and encouraged him to help, guiding his hand in broad sweeping strokes and talking gently to explain what she was doing all the time. Jared sat back on a bale of hay to watch them work; he was still tired from his disturbed night and was quite content to sit in the warm barn and pet Sadie. He grinned to see Jensen so engrossed in the task.

Jared remembered how Jensen had loved the horses when he was a boy and was sure that the task must be a familiar one. Indeed it was almost as though some sort of muscle memory took over because once the comb was in his hand he set to the job with an ease of movement that Jared hadn’t seen before. His fingers were deft and sure as he combed the dust and sweat from the horse’s coat. Cary wasn’t given to idle chatter but she murmured her approval at Jensen’s work and soon left him to work alone as she tackled the next horse, obviously confident that he was doing the job properly.

When they had finally finished all four horses, Jensen was disheveled and sweaty but looked more awake, more ‘normal’ than Jared had ever seen him and Jared was glad. Sure, the ethereal otherworldliness Jensen had displayed at their first meeting had been what intrigued him to start with, now however it was the possibility of returning Jensen to the potential he had displayed as a boy that kept Jared hooked.

He wrinkled his nose as he laughed, “Dude! You stink!” and Jensen smiled back.

“”Wow! You were so much help, Jensen, thanks,” Cary’s gratitude was genuine. “Honestly, it usually takes me ages when I’m on my own. We’ll have to get you riding again next.”

Jensen nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah,” he rasped, “Yeah!”

“I’ve only got to work the morning on Tuesday, how ‘bout we try going for a ride after lunch then?” Jared suggested, “Sounds cool!” Cary agreed, “Rufus here is big but he’s real steady. Jensen will be safe with him.”

******************************

Jared took Jensen back to the ranch to shower and change then they had a light lunch before setting off to the mall.

Jensen had happily climbed into Jared’s truck and it made Jared wonder why he hadn’t thought to take him out before. Jared was worried that Jensen would be drowsy after lunch and had wanted him to rest but Jensen had put on his shoes and found a light weight jacket , saying “Jare” so plaintively that Jared hadn’t been able to refuse. He wondered if it would always be like this, even as Jensen became more awake and functioning, whether Jared would always feel this strange mixture of protectiveness and devotion.

The mall had been quiet, which was a relief. Jared wasn’t sure that Jensen was ready for crowds yet. Jensen had stayed silent and reserved while they shopped but had smiled again as Jared jokingly held up a pair of lurid green Speedos! They’d quickly found board shorts in Gap and had gone to a drugstore to collect a selection of throat lozenges, Jared wasn’t sure which flavors Jensen would prefer so he got a pack of each kind.

They’d brought some of Lucy’s home made flapjacks with them for the barbecue but Jared had also brought a cooler which they filled with cans of soda and he also flowers for Sophia’s mom.

Sophia had given both men a hug when they arrived, Jared had given a nervous glance in Jensen’s direction, not sure of how he would react to the contact, but Jensen Gave a shy smile and hugged Sophia back so Jared started to relax. Sophia took the flowers off to put them in water explaining that her parents had gone off to play golf for the day so they could have the pool to themselves.

The afternoon went so well Jared was sorry when it was time to leave, he could tell Jensen was getting tired though and Steve would be over at seven to give Jensen his shot. He was keen to see Lucy too and tell her about Jensen’s behavior with the horses and his attempts at speech.

Jensen had appeared to enjoy the water; he hadn’t swum much but had spent a lot of time just lying in the warm water by the steps. The pallor of the skin on his torso was obvious, standing out in stark contrast to the tanned skin of his arms and face so Jared had been careful to cover him in high factor sun screen. He’d stayed back as Chad, Jared and the others horsed around splashing each other with water. Sandy had been mortified when she accidentally splashed Jensen but he’d smiled gently and flicked a few drops of water back in her direction.

Sophia had spent a few minutes with Jensen and Jared, encouraging Jensen to put his fingers on first her throat, then his own as she encouraged him to feel the vibrations as she talked. She showed Jared some simple exercises to try and help Jensen get used to talking again, once again she reminded Jared to get throat sweets. “Lots” Jensen croaked as Jared chuckled and explained that he had enough in the truck to start his own drug store.

Later he’d watched the fun as Jared and Chad grilled steaks and ribs on the barbecue, Chad, of course, had to have the right outfit for the job and had a tall white hat and a stripper apron - complete with tassels! He’d spent most of the time trying to get them to twirl while Jared had done aloof the actual cooking.

They’d all had eaten well; Sophia and Sandy had made big dishes full of coleslaw and potato salad while Sandy’s new boyfriend, Michael had brought a huge gateau from the Deli where he worked. “The way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach!” Sandy joked, “As soon as I tasted his Avocado Salad, I knew I had to have him!”

Michael had laughed at all her jokes and spent the afternoon gazing adoringly at her. Although older than the rest of them he seemed friendly and easy going, he had accepted Jensen’s silent presence without question; passing him food and including him in the conversation. Jensen had responded with a rasped out “yeah” to all the offers of food or drink, and often used Jared’s name to get his attention.

  
When they finally said their goodbyes Jensen was yawning, obviously exhausted by his first public outing. As they sat in the truck on the way home, Jensen sucked a throat sweet and drowsed as Jared chatted happily, glad that Jensen’s first public outing had been a success.

They’d greeted Lucy happily when they returned and Jared quickly filled her in on everything that had happened while she’d been away. She looked relaxed and happy and Jared was glad he’d insisted that she go – the break had obviously done her good. Jensen was obviously tired and didn’t try to join in the conversation but he smiled and nodded occasionally to confirm Jared stories.

As Jared talked about the horses and the proposed riding session on Tuesday Jensen had smiled again and Lucy’s face had lit up to see it. They were still chatting happily as Chris arrived and it shocked Jared to see how quickly the shutters came down on Jensen’s emotions, returning his face to a blank mask as the reminder of his hospitalization intruded onto his new life. Jensen was obviously disappointed to see Chris rather than Steve but Chris seemed oblivious to Jensen's distress.

Jared felt another wave of protectiveness as Chris gave Jensen his shot and led him through to get him ready for bed. Somehow Jared had lost sight of the damaged and broken Jensen as he spent the day with the emerging new one. It was like seeing a butterfly turn back into a chrysalis and it sent a chill down Jared’s spine as he realized just how fragile Jensen’s transformation really was.

  
[Chapter 12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1)   



	13. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (12/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (12/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (12/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** PG13 (strong language)  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris, Jensen/Tom implied  
 **Wordcount:** 2,200  
Thanks also to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner.  
 **Feedback:** We take a change of direction for a few chapters, please bear with me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years.

I'm posting this to my journal first because it is unbeta'd. If any of you see anything that needs correcting please let me know :)

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
**Case conference 2/7/08 Jensen Ross Ackles D.O.B 1st March 1984  
Chaired by Ms S. Gamble (MSW)**   


Extract from report submitted by C. Kane (LVN)

On a recent occasion I was called to assist with Mr Ackles when he had become seriously distressed. At this time I was prevented by the family from giving appropriate medical care . . .

Mr Ackles condition has seriously destabilized . . .

. . . therefore it is my professional opinion that Mr Ackles’ needs can be met more suitably within a formal institutional setting. If there is any improvement in his condition it is important that he be properly assessed and monitored. It is my recommendation that he is returned to the long-term psychiatric facility where he has been cared for until very recently.

  
 **Extract from Psychiatric assessment submitted by Dr J. D. Morgan (PhD )**

At the time of my most recent attempt to assess Mr Ackles he remained completely unresponsive and it was therefore impossible to carry out any of the standard tests . . .

Throughout our session he remained enervated to the point of catatonia, however he no longer displays the symptoms of high anxiety that he showed on my previous visit.

  
 **Extract from Medical assessment submitted by Dr K. Manners (MD)**

In conjunction with the family physician several changes have been made to Mr Ackles’ medication regime. Whether this will have any effect on his state of responsiveness is still open to question; most of the changes will need several weeks before any effects will be noticeable. We will need to monitor his welfare very closely in order to ensure that this is not harmful to the patient.

 **Extract from report submitted by S. Carlson (RN)**

Although the set up in the family home where Jensen is staying is unorthodox he appears to be thriving. On my most recent visit he ate a substantial meal as well as spending some time walking outside . . .

In the hospital environment his behaviour was entirely withdrawn and catatonic – he made no attempts to do anything without being prompted. At home he regularly helps himself to food and drink, on hearing that we were to go for a walk he went so far as to get himself shoes and a jacket . . .

He is showing signs of attempting to interact with the people and animals that are significant to him . . .

 **Letter from Mr & Mrs A Ackles (Parents)**

Dear Dr Manners,  
We are sorry that we are unable to be present for the meeting today, so we have faxed you this letter in the hope our wishes will still be listened to.

Since Jensen had his accident, nearly nine years ago now, he has been in the care of your facility. It is our sincere wish that this continues to be the case.

Of course my heartfelt thanks go to my sister for all she has done for Jensen in the aftermath of the fire, however we long ago realized that our son will never be returned to us and his profound needs can only be met by specialists.

The interest on the financial settlement continues to be more than enough to fund his care so there is no need to remove him from the institution which has ably provided his care until now . . .

  
**********************************

  
Sera pushed her glasses back up her nose and sighed. It had been a long few days of collating reports and preparing agendas ready for the case conferences that were due to begin tomorrow.

Of all of her clients it was Jensen that affected her the most deeply. She found part of herself hoping that his mind really had been destroyed all those years ago; Steve’s intimation that he was cognitive and aware was terrifying. She tried to imagine what it must feel like to be trapped like that, imprisoned in one’s own body. She found herself shivering despite the afternoon heat.

Carefully Sera tucked the bundle of papers into a file ready for the morning and prepared to leave the office. She knew it was unprofessional of her really but she hoped that she would be able to convince the other professionals of the best course of action. Of course it was important that they make the right decision for all their clients but Jensen was so fragile and defenceless, it seemed even more vital in his case.

  
*************************

  
Jared and Sadie bounded through the door almost tumbling over each other in their haste to get into the kitchen. “Hey Lucy! Hey Jen! Ready to go riding? You’ll never guess what happened at . . . Lucy? What’s wrong?”

Lucy was sitting slumped at the table, she had obviously been crying, though she tried to straighten up and smile as Jared came into the room. He sat beside her and patted her shoulder; she reached up and covered his hand with her own.

“He’s gone, Jared! They took our boy away.” She started to cry again, Jared wanted to be able to comfort her but he was reeling from the news, he felt numb. “Who did? When?” He felt the blood drain from his face, and he was suddenly icy cold.

Lucy shook her head dumbly, completely overwhelmed by her distress. He fetched her a glass of water, forcing himself not to pester her while she tried to pull herself together again. Finally she managed to give him a weak smile and he sat down beside her again, Sadie pushed against his knees and whined softly, sensing the pain they were feeling.

“It was Chris, and a Social Worker called Sera; but they were only doing their jobs really. The case conference was this morning, well I assumed it was only a formality, Steve said his report was in favor of Jensen staying here.” She took another drink of water and patted Sadie absently. “It was my wretched sister, she wrote a letter insisting that he go back; that together with the reports of a bunch of doctors who haven’t even seen him in the last three weeks was enough to condemn him.”

She cast an anguished glance at Jared, her green eyes were so similar to Jensen’s that it hurt to look at them. “You’ve worked so hard, Jared. He was waking up, coming back to us and now . . . she said it was best if we don’t go to see him for a few days, give him a chance to settle back in.”

Jared slammed his fist down on the table making Sandy bark. “Fuck that! He’ll think we’ve abandoned him, we **have** to go and see him, please Lucy,” he begged.

“Oh, Jared! You’re so like . . . “ She stood up abruptly and walked to the coffee machine. Lucy busied herself for a few moments making them both coffee and putting cookies on a plate. She moved mechanically though, obviously on auto-pilot while she turned things over in her mind, deciding what to share with Jared, wondering which of Jensen’s secrets she should betray.

Finally she sat down again; Jared was still shocked into silence, reflexively petting Sadie while he waited for Lucy to tell him what they should do next.

“That summer, you were so young but so plucky, always chasing after the big boys, nothing ever stopped you. I remember Jensen saying to me that he thought you were a good kid, you’d been really brave when you fell in the creek or something.”

In spite of himself Jared smiled at the memory, he had wanted so desperately to cry but had forced himself to laugh and shake like a dog, make a joke of it so that his brother wouldn’t take him back to the grownups. It had been worth the effort though, Jensen had given him a flannel shirt to towel off with and Tom had given him a candy bar from his backpack and he’d been able to spend the rest of the day with them. Tom had been showing off, bare back riding one of the ponies and the other boys had whooped and catcalled, cheering him on to ever more daring stunts.

“I didn’t know why he started acting out again as soon as he got home, Donna kept grounding him though and that seemed to make him worse. He started staying out late, got drunk a couple of times. I thought it was just normal teenage stuff to be honest but to hear Donna you’d think he was the biggest delinquent in town.”

“I have photo’s, I didn’t know whether to show him or not, didn’t want to upset him.” Jared looked at her questioningly and she stood up and went into the study for a minute. When she returned she was holding a big, leather bound album and she handed it over silently. “I haven’t looked at it in years, too many painful memories.”

As Jared turned the pages the memories came rushing back, there were several pictures of his family, Meggie as a charming curly haired toddler, his Dad with more hair! Most were of the boys though, Jeff looking tanned and confident, Jensen had a restless, cockiness to him, in every picture he seemed on the verge of movement and himself, determined but still looking so small next to them. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had made him feel small. And then there was Tom, taller than the others were, handsome too with an arrogance that made him look like he owned the world.

As Jared turned the pages he came to a section where the photos were all of Tom and Tom alone. “Jensen took those,” Lucy said quietly, “I found them in his room after . . .” The pictures were beautiful, well composed and often dramatic, Tom on horseback, Tom climbing a tree, Tom posed like James Dean with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth; the final images were a series of Tom sleeping, a small smile softened the arrogant curl to his lip.

“Why are you showing these to me now?” Jared asked softly.

“I don’t know really, for a moment you reminded me so much of him. The night we got back here from the hospital when Jensen first went into the coma I found Tom on the porch. I don’t know how long he’d been waiting. He kept saying how Jensen had written him and promised he’d be here. It didn’t seem to sink in when I tried to explain what had happened.”

Jared nodded as understanding finally began to dawn and Lucy reached over and squeezed his hand. “He and Jensen were lovers, Jared. In love in that heady way that only teenagers in love can be. That’s why Jensen was so desperate to come back to the ranch, I found out later that was also why Donna reacted so badly when Jensen told her. She banned him from seeing Tom so he tried to run away to come back here; then she took him to the Doctor for a shot like it was a disease that needed to be cured.”

She squeezed Jared’s hand again, seeming to need the contact. “It’s why your Mom was so understanding about you, dear. She came to me when she first began to suspect and I told her then about Donna and how her reaction destroyed Jensen.”

Jared sighed deeply, the lump in his throat felt so huge he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to speak again. “What will happen to him there?” He whispered.

“I don’t know, you’re right though. We can’t let him think we’ve abandoned him. We’ll go over tomorrow, I’ll find out when visiting hours are.” Jared nodded slowly, he felt like he was moving through treacle, his head was buzzing with the aching space left by Jensen’s absence. “I guess I better go home then,” he muttered, at a loss as to what to do. His every waking moment had been filled with Jensen for nearly a month and now he felt adrift and rudderless. “I’ll call you,” Lucy promised.

As he got to his truck Lucy followed him and handed him a folder. “Here, these are copies of the reports from the case conference, Sera left them for me but I can’t take it in. Could you ask your Dad to take a look at them? Make sure they’re not going to do anything drastic like up his meds again.”

Jared nodded numbly, “Sure,” he murmured. He turned the key and heard the engine roar into life. He wasn’t sure if he was safe to drive home but all he wanted to do now was curl up and go to sleep, maybe then he would wake up to find that it had all been a terrible nightmare.

[Chapter 13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html#cutid1)


	14. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (13/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (13/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (13/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for suicidal thoughts  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris, Jensen/Tom implied  
 **Wordcount:** 2,400  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3  
 **Feedback:** We take a change of direction for a few chapters, please bear with me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [Chapter 12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1)

  


  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

It took a long time for me to wake up, a really long time. I don’t know if it was years or months. To start with all I felt was sick; dizzy and disorientated. There was always this bright light burning and it was cold and hard. One day it penetrated through the fog in my mind that the light changed – sometimes it was yellow tinged and flickered slightly, other times it was stronger and hurt my eyes.

Each time I became aware of the light I tried to figure out a little more of what it meant and then, suddenly there was sound as well. The first time it happened I guess I must have freaked out, it rushed over me like a tidal wave – this clattering, chattering that was just too much. Whatever happened there was a sharp sting in my arm before I fogged out again, so now my world held pain as well as light and sound.

After that I came back more and more and the horror of my life finally dawned on me. I guess I’d thought that I was lying in a hospital bed somewhere and there’d be this touching scene with my family calling a nurse as I opened my eyes and they sobbed and told me they loved me. My memory was patchy like that – I could picture a scene from some ancient TV show so clearly but couldn’t remember my own name. It was kind of a shock when I woke up sat at a table eating a meal and found out that my body had been going on without me the whole time, although then I had no idea of how long it had been or even who I was.

Sometimes there was a woman there, I didn’t know who she was but they sat me in a chair next to her and she read to me. Her voice was gentle and soothing and I wanted to reach out to her, but my body didn’t remember that it was mine. I could see the pain she was in and it made me want to cry but again my body betrayed me.

As I became more aware I began to have a concept of time, I think by that point I was waking up when my body did, every morning. Every day was the same, one bleeding into the other; the only people who seemed to notice I was back were the patients. They seemed to have some sort of sixth sense about it because it was a gradual thing, the way they talked to me, included me in their conversations. And _they_ told me my name; they knew my name long before I did.

There were four of us in the little dorm room that I slept in; we had maybe an hour each night when we could talk after they put us to bed and before the meds kicked in. I use conversation in the loosest possible way of course – I didn’t speak, couldn’t even move my head to nod. Paul didn’t speak either but he made himself understood through a series of grunts and moans, Connor and Logan talked enough for all of us. When I was first aware of them I wondered why they’d put a kid like me in with all these grown men until I saw a mirror and realized I was grown up now too. The shock of that one sent me back to hide in my mind again for a while, but they seemed to know somehow when I was gone and greeted me like a long lost friend when I came back.

It was Logan who seemed to understand me best, sensed my moods and what I was feeling. He made it bearable for me and when he died I couldn’t go on. I had a vision of myself being stuck in there forever, trapped in my own body until I died too. The misery was so huge it choked me and for the first time I found part of my body I could control. I could stop myself from eating. I didn’t want to go on without him, I didn’t want this half-life trapped in my robot body that walked when I wanted to rest and pushed everyone away even when I wanted the comfort of someone else’s touch.

The weaker my body got the clearer my mind became; I was ready to let go of this, to go back to the fog or the darkness or whatever the hell else waited for me. Then they brought me back, Steve with the kind eyes and his strong arms that held me and soothed me. He talked to me, sang to me in the night. The lady with the gentle voice was there too and it finally got through to me that maybe I wasn’t totally alone, so I didn’t try to fight when they put in a feeding tube and I let them bring me back.

Of course that episode brought more meds and with them came the headaches and the nausea that left me feeling wiped out and trembling for days. Sometimes I’d vomit and then it was hard to start eating again and they’d put the feeding tube back in. After that there were lucid times when I’d hear the gentle lady reading and watch the other inmates in the dayroom, interspersed with fog and migraines and the sting of the needle.

It ended in fire and confusion and more noise then I’d ever heard before. As always my body betrayed me – for a few minutes I thought I would just stand there and burn while everyone milled around me. Chris found me though, took me outside to the dark and the chill night air. I was entranced by the dark, back lit by the orange glow of the hospital burning and I was filled with a savage glee to watch it fall in on itself.

I was aware of ambulances taking people away but I stayed, Chris talked but his words washed over me, words didn’t have much meaning for me anymore. Then Steve was there and a stranger and more words and Chris was getting cross. When people get cross it hurts my ears and the robot body wants to hide, but that night the fire was too big to let anything come close to me.

I thought I would go in an ambulance too, but there was a car and the gentle lady and Steve saying goodbye. My mind was buzzing, I couldn’t take it in, I wanted to stay awake so much but there was music on the car radio and the car was warm and soothing and I guess I slept.

When I woke up I knew where I was and the memories threatened to overwhelm me. It felt like coming home. There was sunshine and music and the smell of cooking. The gentle lady was there and I knew her name, Lucy; she was my Aunt Lucy and this **was** home.

When I get anxious or stressed my fingers twitch and fidget, in the hospital someone gave me a marble to play with and my robot body seemed to like it. Here I was relaxed and as happy as I was ever likely to be but I still had the marble anyway. I tried to focus on it now, to bring another tiny bit of my body back under my control. By the end of the first day I found I could do it myself, make my hand open and close to pick it up and put it down again at will. I felt satisfaction at my achievement but I still couldn’t make my arms reach out to Lucy when she hugged me goodnight.

The sunlight made me feel like I wasn’t a robot anymore, rather that I was imprisoned in ice and if I sat in it long enough the ice would melt and I would be free. Chris still came with his meds and his needles and afterwards it would be harder to focus, the fog would creep back into my brain and when I tried to make my hand do what I wanted the headache would come back.

I knew that something special was going to happen, I could feel Lucy’s excitement. There was more food than usual – she was cooking mountains of food that smelled so good. In the hospital everything smelled of cabbage and disinfectant. Here the kitchen was filled with such an array of scents it made me feel dizzy. She tried to talk to me; I guess she was telling me what was going to happen but the words still slid past me. I wanted to know what she was saying but the words were gone before I could grasp them. Chris was there with more empty words and his needle and I went back inside my head for a while.

How do you explain what the sunshine looks like to a blind man, or describe the first taste of water to someone who is dying of thirst? That’s what it felt like when I first saw _him_ , I knew that he was here to save me. If that makes me sound like my little sister dreaming of fairy tales and princes I’m sorry but that’s the truth. For a moment he was so big he blocked out the sun but he brought his own light with him.

When he spoke his voice was soft and warm, his words were slow and they got through the fog. He saw me, he . . . oh, I don’t know! I don’t want to start talking about soul mates or mumbo-jumbo like that but whatever it was I know he felt it too. When he offered me a drink, I made my arm reach out and take it.

Suddenly my life was filled with noise, but it was good noise and it didn’t hurt or make me want to hide. The words flowed from him like music and some of them got through; _he_ made more of me start to come back. He came into my world with me and then took me back out with him. He triggered so many memories and that hurt but it was good pain, cleansing and healing. He made me remember Tom, the agony of being separated from him. There was the shock of hearing that the meds were making me worse not better, the pain of hearing that David had died while I was asleep but _he_ was always there to help me through it.

As my memories flooded back I remembered that last summer so clearly. I had pretended in my heart that Lucy and David were my real Mom and Dad, that I had been given to the wrong parents by accident, that they would be able to adopt me. I felt a connection with David that I had never had with my own father; where he was cold and distant, David was warm and open; where my father was always harassed and busy, David was easy going and always made time for me.

One night we sat on the deck drinking beers together and I confessed how I felt about Tom. He was so relaxed and non-judgemental, just said we had to take our chance at love wherever we could find it. Man or woman, it didn’t matter, just told me to be careful and try not to hurt anyone, that if I started something with Tom and it didn’t feel right to respect his feelings and let him down as gently as possible.

The day I found out David was gone, that gentle, compassionate man, was the first time I cried. I needed Jared so badly that day and he came to me, kept Chris and the drugs away and held me close, not caring about the tears or the snot or the misery. In his arms, I felt something click back into place, my body was my own again, I knew without having to test it that it would do what I told it to now.

Of course it wasn’t quite that simple, even the easiest task needed to be remembered, relearned – some of the things that robot boy did before were harder now I was back in control but Jared was there to support me all the time. He encouraged me, praised me, kept pushing me on that little bit further each time.

Jared and Lucy and Sadie and me, I was part of a family again. I was learning to take charge of my body, I was happy. Of course it was too good to last. When Chris came to take me away I knew and I felt my heart breaking; I wanted to cry and scream and beg but my body let me down again.

Chris says it is a different hospital, but it feels just the same. Same cold light, same smell of cabbage, same rock hard lump in my throat so I can’t eat.

When Jared comes he brings the sunshine with him, fills my tiny room with his presence. He talks to me the same as he always did but I feel the pain and desperation rolling off him in waves. I want to tell him it will be alright, that it doesn’t really hurt, it won’t take long but I can’t say anything or do anything but grip his arm so he has to pry my fingers loose when it’s time to leave.

There is so much I would say to him if I could make my traitorous voice obey me but I can’t.

Then he doesn’t come back again anyway.

I can’t sit up any more; I just lie here in bed all day. I look out of the window at the rain and wait, I wish I’d had the chance to say goodbye.

.  
[Next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html#cutid1)


	15. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (14/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (14/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (14/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for suicidal thoughts  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris, Jensen/Tom implied  
 **Wordcount:** 2,400  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3  
 **Feedback:** We take a change of direction for a few chapters, please bear with me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [Chapter 12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [Chapter 13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html)

  


  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared shuffled miserably up the hospital corridor, his heart was pounding and he felt sweaty and too hot. The glaring overhead light panels made his headache and there didn’t seem to be any air conditioning. The place smelt horrible too – a disgusting mix of overcooked vegetables and antiseptic that caught in the back of his throat and made him want to gag. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Jensen to be back here again.

Lucy walked beside him through the maze of corridors, a comforting presence despite her diminutive size. She squeezed his arm and he managed to give her a weak smile.

“It’s only been two days, Jared. I’m sure he’ll still be the same.“

“He’ll think we’ve abandoned him.”

“No, sweetheart, he’ll understand. His Doctor will have told him they didn’t want him to have visitors while they were doing tests and getting him settled.”

They turned a corner and came to a locked door marked ‘Temporary Long Stay Psychiatric Facility.’ A smaller sign next to an intercom instructed them to state their name and the nature of their visit and wait for an orderly to escort them in.

When the door was finally opened, a young woman in a pink coverall ushered them through; she smiled before speaking briskly. “ Jensen is still in his room,” she said. “He didn’t want to get up today”

“What’s wrong with him? Is he ill?” Jared remembered how keen Jen had been to get up recently. He remembered how Jensen was already up and dressed on Tuesday morning, obviously excited about the fact that they were due to go riding. The older man had smiled and fidgeted as Jared shaved him and Jared had laughed, promising he’d get back from work as soon as possible. Jensen had breathed out a “thank you,” obviously proud of having added a new word to his vocabulary.

“No, I mean, I think he’s okay. I guess he’s just a bit weak because he hasn’t eaten since he got here.”

“Oh God!” Jared groaned, turning an anguished look at Lucy, whose mouth had narrowed into a thin line of disapproval. The little orderly looked frightened and stammered, “I only came on duty a couple of hours ago, I don’t really know any details. Maybe I should get Dr Manners . . . “

“I think that would be a good idea,” Lucy said frostily. “Perhaps we could leave Jared with Jensen and then you can take me to Dr Manner’s office.”

  
Jared stood in the doorway for some time studying Jensen who appeared to be asleep. Jared knew that he wasn’t though; knew that when he was really asleep was when Jensen looked the most alive; he moved and shuffled around, made tiny breathy little noises. Jensen here was lying so still, so silent, he almost looked like a corpse. His face looked thinner, more pinched than when Jared had last seen him, his skin had a greyish cast to it while his freckles stood out in stark relief.

The lump in Jared’s throat felt too huge for him to speak but finally he forced himself to speak as he dragged a chair close to the side of the bed and sat down.

“I’m so sorry.”

Jensen's eyes opened wide and he moved his hand to grasp Jared’s arm and huffed out a breath. Jared knew he was trying to speak, but no sound came out. Jared felt helpless; unable to reply, unable to do anything.

It suddenly came to him how much he loved Jensen, how much that had to do with his own recovery. There was so much he felt he ought to tell Jensen but the lump in his throat threatened to choke him. Sighing softly, he leaned round awkwardly so that he could hold Jensen in his arms and rock him gently. He hoped Jen would know by touch how Jared was feeling right now because for once his words had deserted him.

Jensen was a familiar weight in his arms, moulding into them as though it was where he was meant to be. Jared wasn’t sure which of them needed the hug most; it was the first time since Jensen had been taken that Jared didn’t feel like he’d lost a limb.

Neither or them spoke, they just clung together like frightened children until Lucy and Dr Manners appeared.

  
Jared strode down the corridor blindly; hot, angry tears coursed down his face. Dr Manners had had to pry Jensen's fingers loose from Jared’s arm in order for him to be able to leave. Lucy had asked him to wait in the car while she spent a few minutes with Jensen.

Stumbling round the corner, Jared bumped into someone going the other way. Automatically he began to apologize, “Sorry . . . I didn’t . . .” before recognition dawned.

“You!”

With one hand, he dashed the tears from his eyes and with the other he shoved Chris up against the wall, feeling the anger raging through him like a tide of boiling lava.

Chris struggled, but he was no match for Jared, who towered above him. “Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve killed him!”

“Get off me, you ape!” Chris struggled again and Jared let fly with the full force of his rage, a fast punch to the face left Chris reeling and spitting blood.

“He’s dying! You’re a fucking murder! Why did you have to spoil things?” Jared dodged as Chris tried to hit back and retaliated by pounding into the man in front of him until he was dragged off by the security guards. Blood poured from Chris’s nose and one eye was rapidly swelling shut.

“Come on, cool down. You can wait with me for the police!” The security guard forced Jared’s hands behind his back. The anger gone, Jared was docile and nodded miserably.

“No!” Chris swatted away the nurse who was trying to help him, “I’m fine, I . . . I started it. I’m not going to press charges. You can let him go.”

The security guard shook his head doubtfully. “I can’t do that, it’s hospital policy.”

“Please?” Chris finally accepted tissues to stem the bleeding.

“Sorry, Chris,” the security guard said. “I won’t call the cops, but he’ll have to be banned from the premises. It’s hospital policy and I could lose my job if I don’t follow it.”

Chris nodded regretfully, “Okay, thanks.” He looked at Jared, who was standing in silent shock, his hands now hanging limply by his sides. “I’m sorry, Jared. Really I am. I thought I was acting for the best, but I messed up. I’ll do what I can for him; I promise.”

Jared nodded blankly and allowed himself to be led away from the corridor to the front of the building.

Steve put down the phone and chewed thoughtfully at the end of his pen. He was terribly concerned by Jensen’s rapid deterioration, but Sera had been convinced it was just a reaction to being moved. Steve had reluctantly agreed to give it another couple of days to see if Jensen improved, but he wasn’t really convinced.

There was a quiet knock at the door, which swung open before he could finish saying, "Come in."

“Hey, Boss! I think I need to go home . . .” Chris was trying to smile, but he looked dreadful, his face was swollen and bruised and he was holding a wodge of tissues to his still bleeding nose.

“Fuck! I mean . . . Jesus! What happened to you?”

Steve was round the desk and helping Chris to sit down in an instant. Gently he pulled away the bloody mass of tissues and winced at the mess beneath.

Chris flinched, “It’s nothing I didn’t have coming.”

“Don’t say that! You didn’t deserve this from anyone.”

“I’ll be fine, I just need to go home and get cleaned up.”

Steve nodded, “Will you be okay? I mean do you need . . . “ he faltered, not sure how to go on. He and Chris were barely on speaking terms at the moment.

Chris took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. “Yes, please. I do need you. I need you to and I want you to. I’ve been so afraid of losing you that I’ve been pushing you away, but I can’t do it anymore.” Steve felt himself go limp with relief. He tried to pull Chris into a hug, but let him go as the older man winced in pain.

“Hang on then, I’ll get agency staff to cover your shifts for the next couple of days, and tell Sera I’m taking an annual leave day.”

  
By the time they got back to the flat, Chris’s injuries had started to stiffen up and he leaned heavily on Steve as they got out of the truck and went in.

“Why don’t you take a shower?” Steve suggested. “It’ll make you feel better and I can sort out the first aid kit, I might need to put a couple of stitches in your eyebrow.”

Chris nodded wearily and headed into the bathroom while Steve sorted out his emergency kit.

When Chris returned, Steve offered him a shot of Tequila. “ For the pain, it might make things easier.” Chris shook his head.

“You saying I can’t take a little more pain?” he tried to grin, but only succeeded in splitting his lip open again. “I’ve had more than enough of that stuff lately,” he added more seriously. “Once you’ve patched me up, we need to talk and I’m gonna need a clear head.”

Steve nodded his agreement and spread a little anesthetic cream on the split above Chris’s left eye; it still oozed blood and would definitely need stitching. While he waited for the cream to take effect, Steve cleaned the spilt lip and put a small steri-strip to hold it together. None of the other wounds were too bad; the number of contusions suggested an opponent with a lot of strength, but not much skill in fighting. Some one who knew what they were doing would have continued his attack on Chris’s head rather than raining blows over his arms and upper body.

Chris barely winced as Steve put two neat stitches in his eyebrow, and finished checking him over. Finally he curled into the corner of the sofa with an ice pack to his nose, while Steve cleared away the detritus and made them both coffee.

He watched his lover who moved the same way he spoke, the slow easy confidence that had first attracted him. As Steve came over to join him on the sofa, Chris accepted the coffee with a grateful smile. “Thank you. For coming back with me, for wanting to come back with me even though I’ve been such an ass to you.”

Steve grinned, his blue eyes twinkled, and “Yeah, but you’ll always be my ass, even when you’re being such an idiot. Just as well someone else sorted you out or I might have had to do it and then I might have damaged my musician’s hands!”

“Yeah, well Jared’s not a musician, is he?”

“Jared did this? I’m impressed! I didn’t think the kid had it in him.”

Chris’s face became somber, “ He said Jensen’s dying and it’s all my fault.”

Steve shook his head in consternation. “No! Not your fault, it was the letter from his parents more than anything.”

Chris set his mouth in a stubborn line. “I helped, I wouldn’t let myself see how much good Jared was doing. Just got all caught up in why Jensen wouldn’t talk to me when I’d done so much for him.” He gulped down the rest of his coffee and put the mug back on the table. He shuffled himself round on the sofa, so that he was lying with his head in Steve’s lap and sighed softly. “We’ll help them sort it out,” he promised quietly.

“Yes, we will.” Steve agreed and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of Chris’s mouth that wasn’t held together with tape. He let his hand drift down to sift through Chris’s hair, soothing and stroking until his lover fell asleep in his arms. Steve was content now; happy that he and Chris had resolved the issues that had threatened to tear them apart. Jensen could wait for tomorrow. There must be something they could do to help him get back to where he belonged; with Jared.

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html)  



	16. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (15/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (15/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (15/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris, Jensen/Tom implied  
 **Wordcount:** 3,000  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3  
 **Feedback:** We take a change of direction for a few chapters, please bear with me!  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [Chapter 12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [Chapter 13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [Chapter 14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html)

  


  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Jared lay curled in his bed. He could see the dawn slowly breaking outside his window, hear the noises of the birds in the yard. It was raining again; it was the wettest it had been for years. The water thudded on the porch roof below his window, the sound lulled his brain with its relentless monotony. Eventually he heard the noise of his parents’ alarm clock going off. He listened to his Mom as she went downstairs and let the dogs out and thought _that should be my job_ but it didn’t stay in his head long enough for him to feel really guilty.

Nothing stayed with him very long any more; there was just a dark, empty space inside that felt like it was consuming him. A few tears leaked out from eyelids that were already red raw from crying but he didn’t notice them any more. His Mom called from outside his bedroom door to say that she’d left his breakfast on a tray but he didn’t feel hungry, didn’t really feel anything now, just empty, hollow and alone.

Little shapes swam before his eyes and briefly he knuckled his fists into his eye sockets to make the patterns go away; but all that happened was it caused further starbursts of shape and color that made the pain even worse.

Sometimes when he slept he dreamt of Jensen. In his dreams Jensen was always falling; out of a window or over a cliff, sometimes just tumbling over and over through the air. Jared would reach out to catch him but however hard he tried Jensen would be just out of his reach. When he woke up his hands would be stiff and sore from reaching out. Mostly though, sleep brought relief from the endless exhaustion that made his mind feel foggy and his body ache as though he’d been hiking for miles.

So now Jared filled his days with sleeping and waiting. He slept because it took too much effort to do anything else and he waited for the phone call that would tell him it was over and Jensen was dead.

  
***********************************

Jerry was stacking the dishwasher with the breakfast things, only a few now that it was only him and Sharon to eat in the mornings; Jeff was long gone and Megan never ate breakfast anymore despite how often he nagged her about it. Jared had hardly eaten anything for days, his normally hearty appetite numbed by his depression. Sharon came back with Jared’s tray.

“He didn’t eat anything at all this morning but the juice has gone,” she reported. “It’s been ten days now, Jerry. What are we going to do?”

Jerry dried his hands on a dishtowel and took her in his arms. “I wish I knew. It’s worse than when he left College, when he came back home .”

He sighed softly into her hair. “Doctors’ families make the worst patients. I tried to talk to him again about trying anti-depressants for a little while but he just acts like I’m not even there.”

Megan burst into the room and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl, “Ugh! Gross! Get a room you two!” She looked at the untouched tray on the table. “Is emo-boy still sulking in his room?”

“Don’t speak to your mother like that and don’t call your brother that,” Jerry admonished but there was no real heat in his words. His feisty teenage daughter was the only thing that kept them going at the moment, otherwise the house was shadowed by Jared’s depression and the long anguished phone conversations between Sharon and Lucy. Sharon was torn between wanting to support her friend and concern for her son.

As Megan explained her plans to Sharon, at high speed because Serena’s Mom would be here to pick her up “In like, 5 minutes, y’know, so, like can I have $20 ‘cos we’re going to the mall,” Jerry answered the phone.

“Padalecki residence, Jerry speaking.”

“Um, hi! Is Jared there, please?” The voice on the other end of the phone was quiet and well spoken but Jerry couldn’t place it as any of Jared’s friends that he knew.

“Sorry, Jared’s not feeling too good right now. I can try and give him a message but I’m afraid I can’t promise he’ll be able to get back to you for a while.”

“Oh. Um . . . hang on.”

Jerry could hear the sound of the caller conferring with someone for a few moments then he came back on the line.

“Dr Padalecki, my name is Christian Kane. We’ve met professionally a couple of times, I work with Jensen Ackles.”

Jerry recognized the name at once; this was the man whose report had helped to condemn Jensen, the one who Jared had punched. His tone became icy. “I’m sorry, Mr. Kane, I really don’t think there’s anything you could say to my son at the moment. This whole business has made him terribly ill.”

“I’m sorry, more sorry than you can know. I’ve been trying to go through official channels to put things right but we’re out of time.”

“What do you mean?” Jerry asked sharply. Sharon had given Megan her money and kissed her goodbye and was trying to listen to what was happening.

“My wife is here, do you mind if I put this on speakerphone? It’ll save having to explain everything later on.” Chris agreed and Jerry clicked the button, explaining briefly to Sharon who he was talking to.

“I’ve just come off my shift at the hospital. I’m breaking all confidentiality now, Lucy will be called later but not until they’ve reached Jensen’s parents. They’re asking them to come back . . . if they want to say goodbye.”

Sharon gave a little gasp, “Oh God! No!” and Jerry squeezed her shoulder. “We need to do something and do it fast,” Chris urged and Jerry had to agree.

“Can you come over here, now? Maybe if we get together we can come up with something.” he suggested and Chris agreed that he and Steve would be with them in an hour. They arranged to collect Lucy on the way because Jerry was afraid she wouldn’t be up to driving after the shock of Chris’s news.

“What do we do about Jared?” Sharon asked. “This could finish him off completely; I’ve never seen him as devoted to anyone before. Helping Jensen and Lucy made him seem happier and more focused than I’ve known him for years.”

Jared’s happy go lucky persona was the flip side of a personality that was also prone to profound bouts of depression. The last time he had suffered was when he had returned from College, his self-esteem in pieces and his depression at an all time low. It had taken all of Chad’s powers of persuasion to get Jared to leave the house then, but he had dragged Jared out to swim or run with him, had found him the job working with Sophia and had helped Jared to rebuild a life for himself.

“We need Chad,” Jerry stated and a relieved smile broke across Sharon’s face.

*********************************************************

Jared awoke to a heavy pounding at the door; he burrowed his head under the pillow and willed whoever it was to go away.

“Jayman! If you don’t open this damned door by the time I get to five I swear I’m gonna break it down!” a familiar voice threatened. Chad. Jared groaned and pulled the pillow tighter round his ears.

“One!”

Jared didn’t know if he had the energy to move.

“Two!”

On the other hand Chad sounded serious and his dad would kill them if the door did get broken.

“Three!” Chad bellowed. Tentatively Jared sat up and swung his legs off the edge of the bed.

“Four!”

“I’m coming, hang on.”

Jared shuffled over and sheepishly unlocked the door, flopping back onto the bed as Chad opened the door and let himself into the room.

“Dude! Did someone kill a bear in here ‘cos it’s rank!” He threw the window open and made a show of gulping the fresh air.

Jared muttered “Douche” under his breath.

“So, Jayman. Your Dad told me what was going on with Jensen, that’s rough.”

Jared inhaled slowly, his breath ragged. “I thought after James I’d never let myself feel for anybody again. I gave him so much and he just kept wanting more and more. Jen never asked for anything, he was so shut in, so helpless, he needed me so much he just got under my skin. It made me feel so good when he started responding to me, I felt like I mattered to someone.”

Jared waited for the mocking come back that was Chad’s usual reaction to any admission of feeling; he was shocked when Chad sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

 _Oh God! This is it!_ he thought. “Please no,” he whispered, “Don’t let him be . . .”

“No, he isn’t, not yet anyway. But he soon will be if you don’t get your act together; fast!”

Jared’s eyes flew open in shock; usually Chad teased, wheedled and cajoled Jared into doing what he wanted.

“I mean it, Jared. Chris and Steve are on their way, and so is Lucy. They’ll be here in about fifteen minutes. There’s still time to save him, Jay, but _only_ if you get up . . . NOW!”

Jared jumped up and swayed on his feet, dizzy after lying down for so long. Chad steadied him. “It’ll be okay,“ he said, more gently. “Go have a shower and a shave or everyone will think the wild man of the woods broke in!; I’ll pick you out some clothes ‘cos your taste is dire.”  
Jared flipped him the finger; already feeling more energized, just by his friend’s presence.

  
**************************************************************

When they came downstairs together fifteen minutes later the feeling of relief from Jared’s parents was tangible.

“It’s okay Mamma Padalecki, he’s still in one piece and so is the door!”

Sharon smiled fondly, “Thank you, dear. Please don’t call me Mamma it makes me feel so old.”

“I have to.” Chad defended cheerfully, “To remind myself that you’re Jayman’s Mamma, otherwise I might go hittin’ on you ‘cos you’re so hot.”

They laughed at the easy banter that for a moment broke the tension that had been gripping them.

Sharon fussed round Jared, pouring juice and making him a chicken sandwich while Jerry made coffee for everyone else. Lucy and the others arrived just as he was finding cookies.

Finally everyone was settled with a drink and they sat themselves round the dining table. Jared grinned ruefully at Chris whose bruises had faded to a dull yellow but was still sporting a neat scar over his eyebrow.

“Sorry, man,” he muttered.

“S’okay,” Chris smirked. “I deserved it; I was kind of an asshole about this Sorry ma’am.”

Sharon smiled, “I have two sons; there’s very little you could say that would offend me.”

Jerry looked at the odd assortment of people sat round the table, all bound by the one person who wasn’t present.

“Okay, Chris, maybe you could fill us in on the situation.”

Chris nodded, “Sure. I was on the night shift last night; it was pretty quiet so I went to sit with Jensen for a while. He’s refused all food since he got in but the last couple of days he hasn’t drunk either. I have been getting him to suck ice chips but about 11 o’clock his level of consciousness dropped.” He sighed and took a big swallow of his coffee, grateful for Steve’s hand on his arm.

“Dr. Tigerman was on duty so I called him for advice, told him we’d successfully used a feeding tube with Jensen last time.” He looked over at Jared and saw Chad move protectively closer and Sharon leaning in to support her son. For the first time he noticed just how ill Jared looked, his complexion was sallow and he’d obviously dropped several pounds in the last few days.

“Are you okay? I mean should you be up yet? What’s been wrong with you?”  
Jared cast an anxious glance at his Dad.

“Sorry,” Chris apologized. “I don’t mean to pry, just I was hoping to get you in to see him later and he’s so frail, we can’t risk exposing him to anything.”

“They’ll understand, Jared, them more than most,” his father said softly.

“I . . . I suffer from depression, things have just been a bit . . . overwhelming since I got banned from the hospital.” Jared’s voice was hesitant at first but grew gradually steadier. “I’m okay, if it’s for Jensen I can do whatever needs to be done.”

“Good. Okay then, basically the Doctor detected a heart murmur and decided Jensen’s heart might not take the strain of tube feeding.”  
Jared and Lucy exchanged anguished glances. Sharon tightened her grip on her son’s arm.

“See part of the problem is we just don’t know how much of his behavior is controlled, if he is totally out of it or if he might try to struggle or get distressed. We’ve put him on IV fluids and nutrition, but if he doesn’t start eating again by himself then things are only going to deteriorate until there’s nothing more we can do.”  
Chris faltered to a halt and Steve took over.

“In the short term we need to take Jared to him, Jensen connects to Jared like with no one else, I’ve never seen him as responsive as he is when Jared’s around. If he knows Jared’s there, it might give him the strength to hold on until we can get him home to the ranch.” Jared sat silent, trying to suppress the bubble of excitement that was rising inside him. _If we can bring him home, I know I can get through to him again!_ He glanced at his Dad; Jerry nodded his agreement and looked to Lucy who smiled her relief.

“After your call this morning I rang Sam,” she started. “Sam Ferris is one of our Sunday Lunch group, she’s also the finest lawyer in town. She says the best bet is for me to be made Jensen’s legal guardian, however if his parents don’t agree then the process could take time. We will have to prove that he was better off with us than at the hospital.”

“Yeah, well that should be easy enough,” Chad drawled. “Zombie Guy or party animal; I know which one I preferred.”

Chris shot him a glance that was meant to be withering. “Don’t mock him, even the slight change in awareness he showed on the ranch was better than we could have hoped for.”

“Back off cowboy, or I’ll set Jared on you again.” Chad pulled a wallet of photos out of his jacket pocket and carefully selected four pictures, which he put on the table for everyone to see.

“I wasn’t mocking Jensen when I called him a party guy. Is this enough evidence for ya?”

He tapped the first picture, Jensen loading a plate with food at the barbecue, smiling at Jared as he offered him a steak. Another showed him with Sophia, studiously placing his fingers on her throat as she showed him one of the vocal chord exercises. The last two showed him in the pool looking tanned and vital, in one of them he was obviously calling Jared’s name as Jared gently splashed water at him.

There was silence for a moment as everyone reacted to the pictures in their own ways.

Jared responded first; “I forgot,” he said slowly. “It seems so long ago; Sandy’s boyfriend had a camera, didn’t he?”

Chad nodded, “Yeah, he and Sandy gave the photos to Sophia the other day, and it was her idea for me to give them to you. She thought it might help you snap out of it.”

Steve pulled one of the pictures nearer to get a closer look. “I knew he was doing well, even I never realized he’d made this much progress,” he admitted. “I can testify that he began responding to the guitar at the ranch if you need me to.”

Chris swallowed, “I don’t understand, why didn’t I see it? How could I have been so blind?”

Jared looked at him sympathetically for the first time. “You came over just after we got back that night but he was already tired and I think he was hoping Steve would bring the guitar. I don’t know how to explain it really; he just kind of shut down. He never let you see what he could do.”

Jerry interrupted, “I think there will be plenty of evidence of how much he was doing, so we don’t need to worry on that score. What else did Sam say we should do?”

“She suggested that as a short term measure we get him made a ward of court,” Lucy said. “Hopefully we can prove to a judge now that it’s in Jensen’s best interests to be at the ranch.”

The others nodded, smiling at each other. Jared felt better than he had in days; they had a plan _and_ he was going to see Jensen.

The group separated; Lucy and Sharon went to phone Sam again and get things started; Jerry took the washing up through to the kitchen and Chad made his goodbyes, telling Jared that if he didn’t call him as soon as there was any news he’d whup his ass!

Even filled with renewed purpose, Jared was still a little pale and shaky and Steve looked at him doubtfully.

“Can you drive or do you wanna ride into the hospital?”

He accepted gratefully, knowing he was still too shaky to be safe driving the truck.

Promising once again to call as soon as there was any news, Jared grabbed a jacket and opened the door in time to see a taxi cab drive away.

“Hey there, JT! You’ve grown a lot since I last saw you but I’d know you anywhere.”

Jared gasped in shock at the sun-tanned blonde woman standing on the porch. Even if he hadn’t recognized her from the photos on Lucy’s wall, he’d have known her anywhere by her eyes, beautiful, limpid green; Jensen’s eyes.

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html)

  



	17. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (16/?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong but maybe it’s not too late to put things right!

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (16/?) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (16/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 3,400  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3 and the encouragement.  
\--  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man seemingly locked in a waking coma for the past eight years. Just as they were beginning to make progress it has all gone horribly wrong but maybe it’s not too late to put things right!

This Chapter is dedicated with lots of love to [](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/profile)[**charis_kalos**](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/) who has a very special day coming up. Thank you for all your love and support, honey, I hope this chapter meets your requirements – eventually!

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ Chapter 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ Chapter 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [Chapter 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[Chapter 4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[Chapter 5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[Chapter 6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [Chapter 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [ Ch 8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ Chapter 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[Chapter 10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [Chapter 11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [Chapter 12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [Chapter 13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [Chapter 14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [Chapter 15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Unable to move or speak Jared just stood there with his mouth still wide in shock. He knew Chris had said that the hospital would call Jensen’s family but he hadn’t expected them to be here this soon.

Steve gently maneuvered past him. “Chris, why don’t you and Jared get in the truck? I assume Mrs. Ackles is looking for her sister?”

“Yes, that’s right,” she agreed. “I went to the ranch and one of the grooms told me Lucy was over here.” Donna peered at him, “It’s Steve isn’t it? From the hospital, why are you here? Is Jensen . . .”

“No, no, he’s doing as well as can be expected,” Steve soothed as Chris steered the still dumbstruck Jared out to wait in the truck. As quickly as possible, Steve took Lucy through to the others and hurried out to the truck. He didn’t want to waste any more time getting Jared and Jensen reunited.

*******************************************

  
Jared was shocked by the deterioration in Jensen’s condition since he’d last been to see him. Even when Jensen had first come to Lucy’s house he hadn’t looked so pale and wasted. His skin was practically translucent when he took Jensen’s hand in his; huge dark circles shadowed Jensen’s eyes; a drip line snaked its way into the vein at the side of his throat looking alien and unnatural where it lay against his ashen skin.

Choking back tears, Jared sank down onto the side of the bed; he was almost afraid to touch him, afraid that somehow he might break Jensen further.

“It’s okay,” Chris said softly; “You won’t hurt him, he’s the same Jensen he always was.”

Steve laid a gentle hand on Jared’s shoulder; “I know this is hard for you, Jared, but he needs you now more than ever. He can probably still hear us you know, it’s okay to talk to him.”

Jared nodded and carefully maneuvered Jensen into his arms. “I’m here Jen, I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never leave you again.” Steve moved the drip lines so that they weren’t in danger of being pulled out. “We’ll go and call your Dad if that’s okay? See how things are going down with Lucy and . . . their other guest. Will you be okay here now?”

Jared smiled, “We’ll be fine now, won’t we, Jen? We’ll just hang on here until you can get us home.” He traced his finger down the side of Jensen’s face, finding a path through the freckles from their days in the sun. He tried to remember when he’d first noticed them but they were just a part of Jensen, along with his luminous eyes and curling lashes.

  
“Hold on, Jen. Just hold on. We’re going home soon; you’ve just got to hold on a little longer.”

*******************************  
Sharon automatically went into hostess mode and offered coffee to her guest; however unwelcome she was. Gerry muttered a very cool greeting before beating a hasty retreat to his study while Lucy found she was unable to speak; there were so many things she wanted to say to her sister and she had no idea where to even start.

“We’ve been having such a wonderful time on this cruise. We’ve been in the Caribbean you know. Well I left Alan and Mackenzie there, I flew home when the hospital called. The cruise line staff were so helpful. You know Mackenzie won the holiday for us – first prize in the Miss Teen Texas beauty pageant. She’s so talented you know and pretty as a picture. She won her first competition when she was just a bitty little thing and there’s been no stopping her since. Anyway, we’ve been travelling for weeks, the ship is amazing and we’ve had dinner with the Captain and he was so charming; Mackenzie has had so many admirers; well, of course she wore her prize tiara to the dinner in her honor and she looked so glamorous . . .” Donna rattled on, trying to fill the awkward silence until Lucy couldn’t bear it any longer.

“At what point did you remember you had a son who needed you as well as your glamorous daughter?” she snapped icily.

“Oh! Oh, Lucy! I didn’t mean . . . I should have asked how he is, but that nice young man said he was doing fine and . . .” She trailed off in the face of her sister’s disapproval.

“He **was** doing fine, he **was** starting to get better! I cabled you that he was getting better! How could you have knowingly done that? You sent him back to that place and now he’s dying. Why did you do that? Will that be a relief to you? Finally let you get rid of your gay embarrassment of a son? You can wear black to the golf club for a week then go back to the high life of Mackenzie’s pageants and Josh’s wonderful career!” Lucy paced the room in her anger as she finally allowed the torrent of feeling to pour out of her.

It took a lot to rouse Lucy to anger, but she’d been bottling up her resentment of her nephew’s treatment since the summer he’d stayed with her. Donna looked stunned that her little sister had finally turned on her but made no attempt to defend herself.

“Donna, you’re my big sister! I’ve always loved you, always looked up to you, always turned to you for guidance, but over him you are wrong and you always have been!” Lucy paused for breath, her shoulders heaving with emotion. She felt like she was fighting for Jensen’s life. “You’ve been a brilliant mom to Mac and Josh but you’ve let Jensen down terribly; you’ve misunderstood him at every turn and right now you are killing him!”

“Oh, Lucy, I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to . . .” Tears were streaming down Donna’s face now and Sharon, still on autopilot, handed her a tissue. Donna immediately turned to her for support. “Sharon, you know what they’re like, these middle children, strange and awkward and so hard to talk to.”

Sharon glared at her, “I know just what middle children are like,” she retorted. “Brilliant, creative and sensitive; worth every second of the extra time they need to find their own place in the sun.”

Donna sank down on the nearest chair; on the table in front of her were the photos that Chad had left behind. She stared at them uncomprehending for a moment. “That’s Jensen! When were these taken? That’s JT with him!”

Sharon smiled wistfully, “ He goes by Jared now, hasn’t been JT since he was about 10. He’s been looking after Jensen with Lucy since just after the fire; they’ve gotten to be good friends. These were taken a couple of days before you sent Jensen back to the hospital. Jensen was waking up for Jared and Jared was thriving on looking after him. When they lost each other they both became so ill. I’m sorry if we seem hostile to you but it’s hard not to blame you for our sons’ illnesses.” She cast a glance at Lucy who was pale and drained now that the burst of anger had left her.

“It might not be my place to say this but . . . I always thought of Jensen as Lucy’s son. She was more of a mother to him than you have ever been. Every week for the last 9 years she’s visited him at least twice. When he’s been ill she is the one who has gone in to sit through the night with him. Since the fire she opened her home to him without a moment’s hesitation. **That’s** what it means to be a mother, to love someone, whatever their faults, however damaged they may be and that’s what Lucy does for him, not ignore him and punish him for a part of his nature by drugging him into a zombie just to make your own life easier!”

Donna broke down into racking sobs and cried for several minutes as the weight of their words and the burden of her responsibility for the situation took their toll. Finally though she dried her eyes and sat up, one finger stroking the picture of Jensen in the water.

“You’re right, you’re both right. I never understood him and I felt so guilty for it. I ended up palming him off on Lucy or sending him to camp rather than trying to deal with him myself. He made me feel like such a failure . . . I was jealous of his relationship with you but I didn’t want him to be a burden to you. That’s why I wrote to the hospital! I knew I wouldn’t have been able to cope with him and didn’t want you to have the worry either.” She reached out a shaky hand to Lucy, who waited a few moments before finally taking it and settling down onto the seat beside her.

Even as children they’d been different, it was more a question of personalities than the four-year age gap between them. Lucy loved to bake and sew and stay at home while Donna wanted to be out with her friends, just glad that her little sister didn’t want to tag along and get in the way. Sometimes it seemed as though the rift between them had become too big to bridge but Donna realized that it was her responsibility to try. The only thing she had that would be of any value to Lucy was her son and if that’s what it took to bring their family together again then Donna determined to do it immediately.

“Is it too late? What do I have to do to make things better?”

Lucy breathed out a long, shaky sigh of relief. “You have to let me bring him home now. Here. His only hope is Jared and I, being back at the ranch with us. Make the hospital release him now, then make me his Legal Guardian so nothing like this can happen again.”

“Of course. But. . . what if. . . what if it’s too late?”

Lucy straightened her spine and looked at Sharon for support. “If it’s too late for him to recover again, well, then we can see him through to the end with dignity, in the comfort and tranquility that he will not get in that place.”

Donna nodded, “I’ll call the hospital now.”

*************************************

  
Donna and Lucy sat silently at the Ranch kitchen table; Lucy fidgeted nervously, while Donna turned the photo of Jensen she still clutched over and over in her hands. It had been just over an hour since Chris and Steve had helped settle Jensen back in his room, but they’d gone to sit out in the yard for a while and left Jared alone with him. Jensen hadn’t moved or spoken yet and they were all aware how fast the clock was ticking. Although the drip continued to feed him fluids and nutrients he was still getting weaker and Lucy was particularly aware of the poignant symmetry of the situation and how it reminded her of those last few hours with David.

Suddenly Jared burst into the room making both women jump. “This isn’t right!”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” Lucy moved over to touch his arm, as though to ground herself with his solid presence.

“Do you trust me?” he pleaded, finally looking over to make eye contact with Donna for the first time.

“Of course,” she said without hesitation, as Lucy nodded her agreement. “You know we do, sweetheart. You’ve only ever done what’s best for Jensen.”

“Before he went back . . . even at the start I could feel he was there. I could see tension in his eyes when he was worried or feel little tremors in his arms when he was excited. Even the way he played with that marble told me what he was feeling. Now he’s gone so deep inside himself there’s nothing. He doesn’t know he’s home and I have to make him feel it.”

Lucy knew at once what he was getting at and felt a tiny glimmer of hope begin to unfurl. “You’re right, of course. What should we do?”

“We need to take him off all the meds; if he’s even the littlest bit sedated he won’t know that he’s safe to come back.”

Donna and Lucy looked at each other, “It’s up to you, Lucy,” Donna said. “I trust you to make the best decision for him.”

“And I trust Jared to know what Jensen needs,” Lucy said. “We’ll check with Steve and Jerry that it won’t shock him or make him worse but . . . yes, he needs to have the drip gone and no more shots.”

Jared’s eyes were huge with relief at her understanding as he looked around, “We need to make it feel safe, make everything familiar for him. Can we shift some furniture?”

“Of course! Whatever it takes, honey. Just tell us what to do.”

With Chris and Steve’s help they worked quickly to move the kitchen table into the sunroom, opening the doors wide to let in the afternoon sunlight. Lucy and Donna fetched quilts and comforters to make it comfortable while Jared tuned the radio to the soft country rock that Jensen had always preferred.

“Is this right now?” Lucy asked and Jared looked round slowly. “He felt safe under there,” he reminded Lucy. “Do you remember? That was the first time he touched me and we drank hot chocolate under there.”

“I remember,” she said softly. “I was so afraid that outburst of his would cause another setback but looking back it cemented your relationship. I think he trusted you to keep him safe after that.”

Jared finally smiled. “We’re nearly ready,” he added. “It just doesn’t smell right. You need to get cooking!”

While Donna put the coffeepot on, Lucy got to work making a pot of Chicken Soup that soon had the air redolent with garlic and herbs, hoping that just maybe Jared would be able to persuade Jensen to eat some. Then she set to work on a batch of cookies, rapidly chopping extra chocolate and dried cherries to make the ones that both boys loved so much.

  
**********************************

  
Chris eased the IV drip out of Jensen’s neck and watched as Jared carefully washed and shaved him. Jared talked to him the whole time trying to make the routine as comfortable and familiar as he always had, stroking Jensen’s hand across Jared’s jaw and then through the stubble on his own jaw. Telling Jensen all the time what he was doing, chattering about the clothes he was picking out for him, how they were going into the sunroom now, that everyone was waiting for him to come back. For the first time Chris realized just how natural Jared was with him and didn’t know how he’d been so blind to it before.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he apologized.

Jared looked up at him, understanding the older man’s guilt and pain, not sure if he wanted to let him off the hook just yet.

“Well, you’re here now, so help me get him dressed.”

  
********************************

  
Jared went out to check the sunroom one last time before he brought Jensen through. He gratefully accepted a mug of coffee from Donna and was just putting his cup in the sink when the doorbell rang. Lucy opened it to find Jerry and Sharon with Sadie. “I’m sorry,” Sharon apologized. “She’s been going nuts since you left, whining and scratching at the door. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. When I opened the door to let her out she hopped straight into the truck, so we finally figured out this was where she wanted to be.”

“It’s okay, Mom. Thank you. She’s the last thing we needed to make it perfect; I’ll go get him now.” Jared gave his Mother a quick hug before he stroked Sadie’s head gently. Wagging her tail happily, she padded beside him as he went through to Jensen’s room.

Deciding that her boys needed some privacy, Lucy suggested that they all take their coffee through to the lounge. Steve and Chris offered to leave but she insisted they stay for a little while, reminding them that Jared would be exhausted very quickly after his own illness. It could well end up being a long night regardless of what happened and she stressed again how grateful she was for their support.

The atmosphere was tense; nobody said much as they sipped their drinks. Waiting, hoping that when Jared called them through it wouldn’t be to say goodbye.

  
*******************************

For the first time since Jensen had been taken from him Jared felt peaceful. Jared sat with his back against the wall in the cozy den that they’d made under the table. He held Jensen in his arms; his back rested against Jared’s chest, Sadie was comforting, solid warmth lying with her head across their legs. Occasionally she’d nudge Jensen with her nose as though to push him into playing with her ears or making a fuss of her.

A warm breeze came in through the open windows making the curtains dance and causing the shadows to move and play across the floor.

“I’m not ready to give you up, Jen. I’m not ready to say goodbye.” There was a hitch in Jared’s voice and he forced himself to breathe slowly and get himself under control before he spoke again.

“I **never** gave up on you, Jen. I’m sorry I let them keep us apart but it’s not going to happen again. Please don’t give up on me now. Before I met you I was so lost; I was just drifting. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, even who I was supposed to be. You’re my anchor, Jen, you keep me grounded. I need you.”

Jared paused for breath and let his hand drift down to rest on Jensen’s thigh. He felt a tiny spark of excitement shoot through him, he was sure there was muscle tension there that had been missing before.

“Don’t you dare give up on me, Jen; I know you’re in there. Come back for me please. I need you so much; I don’t think I can go on without you.”

Sadie whined again and nudged at Jensen’s leg; Jared was sure she could feel it too.

“Listen to me, Jensen. Sadie’s right here. She’s waiting for us to take her for a walk. Rufus is still down in that stable waiting for you to ride him. All you have to do is open you eyes. Just open your eyes, Jen and let me do the rest.

Jared knew now he could feel it for sure, Jensen’s heart beating faster, thudding against his chest. “Wake up for me, Jensen. Come on, now.”

Jensen's hand moved down to cover Jared’s where it rested on his thigh as his eyes fluttered open. “Jared,” he breathed. “Home.”

  
[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html)

  



	18. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (17/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day - J2 AU (17/25)**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (17/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,300  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3 and the encouragement.  
\--  
 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Chris paced nervously while the others sat making occasional murmured comments. Jerry had a supportive arm around his wife, although he watched the other women carefully as well; he was all too aware of the strain Lucy had been under through Jensen’s worsening condition. He was very concerned as to how she and Jared would cope if the worst were still to happen.

Donna already looked like she was in shock; she was pale, despite her tan and though she lay slumped in an easy chair, her fingertips worried and picked at a loose thread in her slacks until she’d made a hole in them. The traumatic scenes of the morning and the realization of her son’s condition and her part in it had obviously taken their toll.

Chris came to a sudden halt in his pacing. “Please, I need to go see what’s going on, check he’s . . . they’re alright.” His voice sounded loud as it broke the silence.

“I’m sure Jared will call if he needs us,” Jerry responded carefully.

“I don’t know,” Sharon admitted, “He might not; think how he’s been recently, Gerry. I’m afraid he could be sitting in there with Jensen's b . . . Oh God!” She broke down and started sobbing silently, covering her face in her hands.

“Please!” Chris begged again, “It’s been nearly an hour!” He started moving towards the door and Steve leapt up putting a restraining hand on his shoulder.

“Wait, “ he said calmly. “It’s up to Lucy.” His gaze was steady as he looked to her for her decision. “We’ll go check on them if you want us to, Ma’am?”

Lucy smiled at them, “ **I’ll** go,” she said. “I promise I’ll get you at once if I need you, but I’m sure it’s fine. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Jensen, it’s that we can’t expect things to move quickly.”

  
**************************************

Lucy had tried to reassure the others, but actually her heart was in her mouth as she softly pushed open the door to the sunroom. Both boys and Sadie were lying curled in an untidy heap on the pile of quilts under the table. As soon as she got close enough she could see that Jared was asleep, hint of tears still traced his dark shadowed eyes.

She gave a little gasp and brought her hand to her mouth. At the sound Sadie stirred a little and Jensen opened his eyes.

“Oh, honey!” She breathed out a deep sigh of heartfelt relief. “Sweetheart, how do you feel? Can I get you anything?”

Slowly he brought his finger to his lips and his eyes drifted in Jared’s direction. .

“Yes, he’s exhausted, isn’t he?” Lucy whispered, looking at Jared fondly. “Do you want to come and get a drink?”

He nodded and tried to ease himself out of Jared’s arms, but didn’t have the strength to lift himself.

“Stay there a moment, I’ll go get help.”

Jensen nodded again and settled himself down in Jared’s embrace as Lucy turned to leave.

In the doorway she turned back to him, “I’m so glad you’re back, Jensen. Just so you know, you’re safe here now. No one can ever take you away again; this really is your home now.”

Jensen smiled his relief at the prospect and settled back to wait in the security of Jared’s arms.

  
*********************************

Lucy stood for a moment in the kitchen to gather her thoughts before going to speak to the others. She was well aware of how fragile Jensen was and even though he seemed to be remarkably awake now she didn’t want to do anything that might risk a setback. He had to be her priority now, regardless of how it might affect anyone else.

Determinedly she set her shoulders back and made her smile as reassuring as possible for when she re-entered the room. Lucy didn’t want anyone to worry for even a moment that the outcome had been the one they all dreaded.

“He’s back,” she grinned. “He’s awake and communicating.”

“Oh thank God!” Sharon leaped up and hugged her friend; “Jared must be so thrilled. We must go and see them.”

“No!” Lucy’s tone was gentle, but commanding. “Not tonight I’m afraid. They are both exhausted and just need to be left in peace right now. Sharon, will you trust me to take care of Jared tonight?” As Sharon nodded her agreement, Lucy continued, “ . . . and would you mind taking my sister to stay with you? I don’t know how he’ll react to her and he’s definitely not up to it at the moment.”

“Of course,” Sharon agreed immediately. “We’ll go and leave you alone, but call if there’s any change, please? Or if you need annything, anything at all, we’ll come straight over.”

“Of course I will and you’d better call Chad too,” Lucy smiled. “I dread to think what he might do if he thinks he’s been left out of the loop. Jerry, do you think it would be a good idea for you to check Jensen over, with Steve maybe? I don’t quite know what’s been happening with the drug regimes and things, then there’s this heart murmur that Chris mentioned.”

“My bag’s in the car, I’ll get itand check him over.” Jerry agreed. He hugged his wife as she prepared to leave, Donna following behind her, still looking too dazed to make a fuss about the decisions that were being made for her.

“Shall we go and see him now?” Chris asked hopefully.

Lucy shook her head, “I’m sorry, honey. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done to help recently but . . .” She paused for breath, “I think it’s best if you don’t see him right now.”

“What? Why? That’s not fair!” Chris was aware that he sounded like a whiny child but he couldn’t help it. He’d been trying so hard to put right the situation; he’d hoped he would be able to see for himself that Jensen was awake.

“I know, Chris but think about it. As far as I know the last time I saw Jensen awake and reasoning was the time you took him away. If that is his last memory of you then it won’t be good for him to see you now. Please, just be patient. We’ll explain things to him as soon as we can.”

Chris sighed disappointedly but he smiled his understanding. “Sure, you’re right. Maybe I could hitch a lift home with you, Mrs Padalecki, then I can leave the truck so Steve can come back when he’s ready?”

In a rare public display of affection, Steve hugged his partner, “See you as soon as I can, okay?”

“That’s fine,” Chris smiled. “You take as long as you need. I’m gonna go straight home and sleep anyway. If you remember I did a night shift last night and I’ve been up all day.”

*************************

Carefully Steve and Jerry tried to ease Jensen out from beside Jared without waking him but he opened his eyes as soon as he realized that Jensen was gone. “Jensen?” his voice was panicked as he called for his friend.

“He’ll be fine,” Steve reassured as together they helped Jensen to a more comfortable position on the couch. Jared rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he scrambled out from under the table to perch on the arm of the couch next to Jensen. He didn’t want to be separated from him for a second longer than necessary.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. Jensen nodded slightly, then indicated the windows that were still opened out on to the veranda.

Lucy suddenly realized Jensen’s concern and hurried to shut them “It is getting a bit chilly now, isn’t it?” She smiled and tucked one of the quilts over the top of Jensen as Sadie got up to lie by their feet.

Jensen smiled his thanks as Steve carefully made sure he was settled.  
“Are you sure you’re alright in here?” Steve asked, “We could take you through to your bedroom if you’d be more comfortable.”

“Nah! Nah!” Although still virtually soundless Jensen made it clear that he wanted to stay right where he was as a look of horror crossed his face. Even though it pained Lucy to see it, at the same time she couldn’t help but rejoice at seeing him display any emotion.

“That soup smells good, Lucy,” Jerry smiled. “Why don’t you see if Jensen can manage a little while I fetch my bag from the car?”

Jensen looked hopefully at the mug of coffee that Lucy had handed Steve. Steve laughed gently, “If I’d realized all it took to get you up was caffeine I’d have brought you some years ago!” he joked. Jensen smiled in response to the gentle teasing as Lucy brought a bowl of soup over to him. “I think you should have some of this first, dear. When Jerry’s checked you out we’ll see about coffee later, we don’t want you having palpitations!”

Steve shot her a warning glance, not sure if Jensen had been aware enough to hear any of the developments to his recent health or understand the implications of the prognosis. She glared back, “Jensen has a right to know, Steve.” She turned to face Jensen, “It’s nothing serious, honey. We are just a little concerned about your heart right now. Do you remember anything since you were taken away?”

Jensen shook his head as he tried to lift the spoon to his mouth but his hand shook with the effort. Gently Jared wrapped his hand round Jensen’s and helped support him as he ate slowly.

“You’ve been away from us nearly a month, honey.” Lucy pulled a chair closer to the couch and sat down. As she spoke she watched his face carefully to make sure he was not getting distressed. “That’s a long time of not eating, they were able to use a drip to keep you going but they couldn’t tube feed you because the Doctor found a slight heart murmur, it’s why you’re feeling so shaky now. So no major worries, we just need to feed you up for a few days and keep the food simple or it might make you sick.”

After a few more spoons Jensen was obviously too exhausted to continue trying to do it himself any more. Jared urged him gently to take a little bit more but already Jensen’s eyes were closing and he was sagging against Jared’s side. Jared put the bowl aside and helped Jensen lie down on the couch. By the time Jerry came back into the room Jensen was asleep again.

As quietly as possible Jared and Steve moved the furniture back and tried to help Lucy put things straight. Although Jared was still tired he suddenly found that for the first time in days he was hungry and the four sat down to eat the soup and ham sandwiches as though none of them had eaten in days. By the time they’d moved onto coffee and cookies it was getting late and they tried to work out how best to organize the sleeping arrangement. Given Jensen’s antipathy for going into the back bedroom it was decided in the end that Jared and Lucy would sort out the room Jensen had slept in as a boy, although it was on the first floor it had two queen sized beds in it so Jared would be able to stay with him.

While they did this Steve and Jerry gently woke Jensen for the medical checks that they felt ought to be done before they settled him down for the night and, providing all was well, left to go back to their respective homes. After being reassured that Jared was still close by, Jensen lay motionless as Jerry listened carefully to his heart.

“I hear something,” he said carefully, “but it might not be an ongoing condition. We’ll give you a few weeks of gentle exercise and good food and then you may have to go for an echocardiogram to give us a better picture. If it is just a result of the anorexia then it could well have resolved itself by then.”

“Do you want to sleep upstairs with Jared tonight?” Lucy asked and Jensen patted her hand, grateful for her understanding. Steve and Jared helped him to the bathroom and to change into a pair of sweatpants because he was still so weak and unable to stand on his own, while Lucy warmed him some milk.

Jerry repacked his bag, “He’s been off so many of the meds while he’s been unconscious that I think we’ll try leaving the shot off as well. If you have any worries don’t hesitate to phone me, but he should sleep tonight now and I’ll call back in the morning.”

After Jerry and Steve had made their goodbyes and left, Jared helped Jensen to settle down in the comfort of the upstairs bedroom. They’d shoved the beds together so all Jensen had to do was reach out if he needed anything in the night. Jared too was already dozing as Lucy dimmed the lights. Jensen closed his eyes and snuggled in.

Sadie waited until Lucy was safely out of the way, then she climbed up on the bed between them, happily she sprawled out between the two people she loved best in the world.

  
[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html#cutid1)   



	19. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (18/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (18/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (18/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,300  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

These chapters are dedicated with love to [](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/profile)[**charis_kalos**](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/). I hope your special day yesterday was everything you hoped it would be and more.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

When Jared woke up it was to the slow, dawning realization that Sadie was snoring in his ear and that someone was staring at him. He opened his eyes to find Jensen studying him intently, he had been aware of Jensen watching him before but never with this depth of scrutiny that made Jared feel like he was the whole focus of Jensen's being.

The dim light outside the window showed it to be before dawn but he’d slept so deeply that he immediately felt wide awake. He grinned happily at Jensen who returned the smile with a new openness to his expression.

“Hey, you!”

Jensen touched Jared’s arm lightly. “Food?” he breathed soundlessly.

“Sounds good to me. Shall I go and see what I can rustle up?” Jared started to get up.

Jensen froze immediately, “Nah”, he shook his head and clutched Jared’s arm in panic. “Nah!” he breathed again and Jared could see that he was starting to become really agitated. Settling back down again Jared put his arm clumsily round Jensen’s shoulders. He couldn’t bear to make Jensen let go of his arm; even though the other man’s fingernails were digging into the bare flesh of Jared’s arm; the memory of Jensen's fingers being pried away in the hospital hurt even more.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Jared muttered. “I shouldn’t have left you in there . . . I . . .” Jensen shook his head and held a finger to Jared’s lips and Jared smiled at his friend’s gentle touch.

Jensen relaxed his hold on Jared’s arm and shifted his position a little, curling himself even closer to Jared. He was still weak as a kitten and the effort of holding on to Jared had left him tired and drained. Already it was getting harder to focus again and his eyes fluttered closed as he settled into the protective circle of Jared’s arms.

  
**********************************

They spent the day quietly; Jensen stayed in bed and allowed Jared to feed him oatmeal for his breakfast and then more soup mid-morning. By lunch- time he was fed up with staying in bed and made it very plain that he wanted to go downstairs. He was still so weak that Jared had to practically carry him down but once settled on the couch in the sunroom, Jensen was able to feed himself with the soup and then toast that Lucy brought him.

Lucy seemed to be enjoying herself making a fuss of both boys and keeping everyone else updated on Jensen’s progress by phone. Although Jensen’s speech seemed to have gone again completely, he now seemed in total control of his movements and actions. He made no attempt to try and speak but would lightly touch Jared’s arm and signal what he wanted or mouth the words.

After a couple of hours he was exhausted again and didn’t object when Jared suggested he go back to bed. Clinging to Jared he walked back and climbed upstairs, desperate to regain some independence but he was trembling with exhaustion by the time Jared helped him into bed.

Jared stayed with him for most of the day but in the evening when Jerry called round to check for himself how Jensen was doing Jared took the opportunity to grab a shower and call Chad.

Jensen sat up in bed to drink milk and nibble at a cookie after Jerry examined him. Jerry noticed that he slipped most of the cookie to Sadie, down beside the bed.

“Jensen,” he said gently, “I’m not talking to you as your Doctor now, I’m speaking as Jared’s father, do you understand?” Jensen nodded; his green eyes focused intently on Jerry’s face.

“Jensen, it wasn’t Jared’s fault he couldn’t see you these past few weeks, his concern over the fact that he had let you down has affected him badly. He’s been very depressed and like you he finds it hard to eat when he’s not well. I need you to remember that when you find things difficult, that he really does understand and he cares very deeply for you. But there will be times that it’s hard for him and then he will need **you** to be strong.

Jensen nodded fervently and placed his hand over his heart.

“I think Jensen means that he cares for Jared too,” Lucy interjected quietly and Jensen gave a soft, slow smile at her understanding.

  
************************************

  
Three mornings now I’ve woken up to the feel of sunshine on my face, the sound of Sadie snoring softly from her position as my self appointed guardian at the foot of the bed. It’s only just now beginning to sink in that I am here for good now, but more than just being home at the ranch I’m back in my body, back in control.

I’ve eaten properly for three days now and am growing stronger. I feel safe and cared for. I open my eyes and my breath catches in my throat; Jared is with me still. Although he threatened to separate the beds again once I was stronger, he hasn’t yet.

He is sprawled on his back totally open and relaxed, radiating warmth and safety. He must have got hot in his sleep because he has taken his T-shirt off. I look at his bare chest and there are just miles of warm golden skin, broken up by a couple of tiny moles and his nipples are a dusky pink that looks edible.

And Jesus! I can feel the heat flush into my face and all over my body, pooling in my groin with a sharp tug of sensation that I haven’t felt in so long. Fuck! That’s embarrassing even if I am more than a little happy that I can still feel this way after so long. My hand wanders down to touch as if of its own accord and a wave of pleasure sends tingles up my spine,

Suddenly I can feel Jared stirring and I know he’s going to wake up. I try and shuffle myself over on my side, hide the evidence of my arousal from him but I’m not fast enough. His sleepy morning greeting only serves to make the problem worse and I hide my face in shame, burying it into the pillow and wishing I could just vanish.

“Hey, it’s cool, buddy, don’t worry,” he soothes. “It’s a normal reaction, its proof that those crappy drugs are getting out of your system.”

He always knows how I’m feeling and it’s just starting to drive me crazy. It leaves me feeling wrong-footed somehow, like I’m at a disadvantage, always one step behind. I try and smile then shake my head a little, trying to signal something, my response to his statement. I don’t trust words yet, don’t believe my voice will obey me; my throat feels scratchy and strange. Odd how quickly it has become normal for me to signal my needs or expect Jared to interpret for me. I don’t want to try to speak and fail.

“Jen, it really is fine y’know.”

Shit! Shit! Shit! I know any second now he is going to reach out and put his hand on my arm, I can feel the heat of his touch scorching me before his hand reaches my skin. Clumsily I roll away and awkwardly get out of bed. “Shower,” I mouth the words at him as I escape into the bathroom. In my head I’m cursing at how clumsy and weak I still feel, wassted muscles not helping the poor control I have over my body.

I look at myself in the mirror as I wait for the water to run hot and wonder suddenly how old I am; it’s never occurred to me to ask before. The last three days have been a blur of exhaustion, check ups and painful silences as first my mother then Chris tried to apologize.

I’d turned my face away from Donna and buried it in Jared’s shoulder, not really surprised when she left without a backwards glance to go back on her holidays. Part of me wishes she had fought just a little bit but another is relieved that she has signed me over to Lucy’s care and has moved on leaving me free too I guess.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be Lucy’s, she and Jared are all the family I’ll ever want. I've no need of the parents who abandoned me, the brother who beat me up for being a “pox-ridden faggot” or even the little sister who never noticed my existence since she reached the age of four because all she cared about was spray tans, manicures and the next big prize, of course. No, I just wished that they hadn’t wasted my life, that if they’d wanted me so little that they’d left me here where I was happy when I was fifteen.

Suddenly it’s important to me to know exactly how long I've been like this, how long it has been since Tom and I used to ride off into the hills and make out under the stars. The water is still running as I burst back into the bedroom and Jared’s still lying there dozing and he is so perfect it takes my breath away again for a moment and I forget what I wanted to ask.

“Hey,” he says softly. “You okay?” I nod slowly and he sits up, swings those long legs off the edge of the bed and smiles that soft little smile of his. Not the big goofy grin that he plasters on to prove to the world that he’s okay but the special one he saves for me. I can’t help noticing that he’s changed though, even though he tries to hide it I know he’s different than before Chris took me away.

I shake my head and mouth ‘sorry’ at him; I still can’t bring myself to try my voice out, not even here, alone with him. Retreating back into the bathroom I slip out of my boxers and T-shirt and climb into the shower. The water is soothing as it runs over me and I find some sweet-scented shower gel to wash away the smell of the hospital that I still feel clinging to my skin despite the showers I had yesterday and the day before.

I suddenly realize that I can feel my skin as I wash, really actually feel it, as though every nerve ending in my body is slowly waking up. Maybe Jared’s right and the meds are finally leaving my system. It’s been so long since I felt anything, had any sort of response. As I reach down to touch myself I’m shaking with anxiety but the sensations are right; it’s happening for me, the heat pooling in my loins as I lean forward and brace myself against the wall of the shower. I have to choke back the desire to groan or shout out and the thought of Jared still lying in bed the other side of the door makes it feel even better.

Of course being me I can’t just get on and enjoy my first wank in I don’t know how long. The sudden realization that I am fantasizing about Jared has me jerking back with guilt at the thought of how hurt Jared would be if he knew I was thinking about him like this. Then guilt piles up as I realize I've been awake for three days, up and functioning, and I haven’t given Tom a second thought; not asked Lucy if she knows where he is or how he’s doing.

My legs give way underneath me and I sink to the floor, the water is beginning to cool but I don’t care. I’m overwhelmed by a rush of memories as cold and oppressive as the water pounding down on me.

I remember being brought home by the police after I tried to run away from Donna for the third time. The clinically detached air of the Doctor as he plunged the needle into my arm. I saw myself thrashing and writhing on the floor of his office as if I was watching from outside of my body.

I remember things that happened in the foggy times I’ve never remembered before. Some nameless orderly forcing himself on me, my flesh tearing and the agony coursing through me though my zombie body was too locked down to push him away. Waking up to find myself choking as another patient came down my throat.

And Logan. Logan who loved me, Logan who felt too much while I felt nothing. He held me in his arms and sobbed all night, cried for me when I couldn’t cry myself. He wanted to give me pleasure so much and I was numb, aware of his presence, his silent ability to understand what I was feeling, like Jared does.

He tried so hard to make me come back but I was still too lost inside myself to manage it.

He started hoarding his pills that night I think. I knew he was doing it, saw him make the tiny slit in his mattress to keep them in and I tried to beg him to stop with wordless, motionless entreaties but he wouldn’t; his mind was made up. The night he took them I couldn’t even weep for him, let alone alert Steve, Chris or Sera to what was happening.

Wave after wave of pain and terror and loneliness poured over me as I experienced all this, some of it I was remembering for the first time, other memories I recognized as having haunted my nightmares for years. I couldn’t fight them any more, I put my hands over my face and sobbed as I mourned for the naïve child I would never be again.

*******************************

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html)


	20. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (19/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (19/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (19/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 1,800  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

These chapters are dedicated with love to [](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/profile)[**charis_kalos**](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/). I hope your special day yesterday was everything you hoped it would be and more.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

Jared lay drowsing in the sunshine, enjoying the feel of it on his skin as he dozed. He could hear the water running and the sound was soothing as he drifted in and out of sleep. Suddenly Sadie leapt off the bed onto the floor and began whining at the bathroom door. By her side in an instant Jared banged on the door. “Jen!” he called, “Jen, are you okay?” No reply which duh! He should have expected.

“Jen, I’m coming in,” he warned. It seemed a terrible invasion of his friend’s privacy. In all their time together, showering had been the one thing Jensen had been able to do alone.

Jared tried the door and thanked God that Jensen had left it unlocked. Rushing in Jared yanked open the cubicle door.

He could see at once that Jensen was in a bad way, almost blue with cold as he shivered under the cascade of icy water. Jensen was curled into a tiny ball as he rocked to and fro and mumbled under his breath. Shuddering sobs racked his frail shoulders and Jared was shocked to the core at the amount of weight he had lost since the pool party.

Turning the heat up on the water Jared hauled Jensen to his feet and held him under the warm spray until his teeth stopped chattering. Only then did he grab a bath sheet and wrap Jensen into it, before carefully lifting him from the shower and carrying him out to the bedroom.

Jensen was still muttering and sobbing incoherently, lost in a world of painful memories. He lay on the bed exactly where Jared had put him, seemingly unaware of his surroundings again. Jared slipped off his wet shorts and pulled on a dry pair and a t-Shirt before calling to Lucy for help.

They sat either side of him and held him, told him over and over again that he was safe now, that he was here for keeps, that they would never leave him. It was over an hour before together they had managed to get him calm again.

He looked pale and haunted and although he was now sitting up and drinking a mug of hot milk Lucy was still worried and insisted on going to call Jerry and Steve.  
Jerry came first and pronounced that his outburst had done him no physical harm, if anything the faint heart murmur was less pronounced than before and he continued to have faith that given time Jensen would be back to normal.

As Lucy thanked him and saw him to the front door he suggested discussing with Steve if there was a good therapist or counsellor that might work with Jensen for a while.

“It’s got to be a lot for him to come to terms with,” he warned. “I think he will need to be able to talk about it with a professional. I know a couple but I think Jensen might see them as too old or conventional for him. Don’t forget that for all we know he still thinks he’s fifteen.”

Lucy nodded her agreement and thanked him again for coming so quickly before going to see what to make for lunch. She wanted to keep the boys to as much of a normal routine as possible. Caring for them was weighing heavily on her this time, she couldn’t forget that Jared had been ill too and felt as though she had to cake care of them both now.

******************************

I remember Jerry’s words with a guilty start as I saw the lines of fear and concern that etched Jared’s face. I tried to say sorry but Jared was turned away, couldn’t see my mouthed movements. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and then again, a little louder. I am shocked by the sound of my own voice, harsh and gravelly, deeper than it had been before, a stranger’s voice.

Jared turned and looked at me then, smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and I felt whatever it was inside me that was breaking crack open just a little bit wider. “Please Jared,” My voice is louder now and it’s dry and painful but I need to reach him. I’m not too proud to beg, not when it’s him, I need him to see how scared I am, how much I need him.

Thank God he seems to realize, takes off the fake smile and trusts me with the genuine emotion which is pretty much fear and confusion by the look of it. I almost fall into his arms as he reaches out for me and we’re still like that not even holding each other; it’s more than that, we are clinging desperately to each other when Lucy comes in with Chris.

“Hey,” he says gently. ”Steve’s working, but Lucy sounded like she needed some support; I know I’m a poor second best but I figured I was better than nothing.” He tried to make light of what he was saying but I knew he was still as guilt-ridden by his actions as ever. I realized he’d never deliberately harmed me, not like some of them in there. I forced the memories back as they threatened to overwhelm me again and made myself move from my secure position.

“It’s okay,” I smile , “I’m glad you came.” I struggle to get my words out as I try to think of a plausible reason for my freak out, “I saw myself in the mirror, I thought I was still a kid, didn’t know how much time had passed.” My voice tapers off towards the end and my throat hurts like hell but as Lucy and Chris exchange glances I can tell that they’ve bought it. I’m not so sure about Jared but I know he won’t challenge me on it until we’re alone .

Lucy starts fussing again, and Jared and Chris chat a little about my returning speech. I sip the mug of lemon and honey Lucy gives me and let them talk. I wonder how it is I can feel so tired when I’ve been asleep for so much of my life. They are still chatting, about music now and therapists, but I’m not really listening, just comforted by their voices as I drift off to sleep again.

*****************************

I sleep the morning away but when I wake up I feel refreshed, revitalized and I’m eager to get up. “Can we go for a walk?” I ask and Jared smiles and agrees, “Just a short one, down to the stables,” he suggests and I find myself mesmerized by the little crinkles that appear at the corner of his eyes when he grins.

It feels good to be out in the fresh air again; it’s fall and there is a slight breeze that makes the leaves dance and skip across the grass. Sadie seems to feel it too, she is livelier than I’ve ever seen her as she chases leaves and barks at the air, running in circles around us.

Keri is in the stables and as we approach she rushes towards us and flings her arms round me; I’m a little taken aback by such an exuberant show of affection but it’s warm and genuine and as she exclaims “It’s so good to see you, we are all so glad you’re back!” I’m able to reply “I missed you all too,” with genuine feeling.

We go in to see the horses and while I haven’t got the strength to groom them properly yet I make a fuss of Rufus and stroke his velvety muzzle. The anticipation I’d felt at being able to ride him had made me so alert that last morning, I’d been longing for Jared’s return with every fiber of my being. The shock and disappointment when Chris and Sera turned up instead had been unbearable.

I wish I could just get on and enjoy my new lease of life, but it doesn’t seem to be working out like that, every good moment or pleasant memory seems to lead to something dark, painful or disturbing.

“Can we go back now?” I turn to Jared and as always he understands and puts his arm round my shoulders to lead me back to the ranch.

Lucy has made us soup and sandwiches for lunch and I’m feeling weird, distracted and queasy and I’m about to push it away when I see Jared who seems to be every bit as overwhelmed as I am today. He is staring out of the window and looks like he’s a million miles away. Lucy looks worn out too and once again I feel paralyzed with guilt at what I have put these two amazing people through.

It’s an even weirder feeling when I suddenly realize that this is one of those times Jerry talked about when I have to be the strong one. “Jared, you look done in, come and eat.” I guide him onto the chair beside mine, glad that my voice is stronger with every word I say. “Lucy, this looks great; come and sit down. Can I make the coffee? I’ve been longing for a go to play with your coffee maker?”

Their relieved smiles are enough of a reward to make me know that I’ve done the right thing. It makes me feel a warm glow of happiness spread though my body as I feel I am able to give them back a tiny bit of what they have given me.

It was awesome playing with the coffee machine too – and if either of them didn’t like chocamochacinolattes neither of them said a word.

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11510.html)


	21. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (20/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (20/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (20/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,300  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

These chapters are dedicated with love to [](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/profile)[**charis_kalos**](http://charis-kalos.livejournal.com/). I hope your special day yesterday was everything you hoped it would be and more.

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html), [, ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html</a)[19](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared felt helpless as he watched Jensen erupt yet again into one of the violent bursts of anger that seemed to be occurring with ever increasing frequency these days. As Jared and Lucy stood back and let him vent some of his pent up aggression Jensen paced the room and screamed.

“I’m not fucking sleeping beauty!” Jensen raged, “I don’t know who you want me to be! Why do you have to be so fucking nice all the time? Why don’t you scream back? Yell at me, do something!”

Jensen punched his fist into the wall and split open already battered knuckles. “Jesus Christ? Why do you put up with me when I’m like this? I know when you liked me, when I was pliant and obedient and was the good little boy Lucy always wanted. Now look at me!”

Lucy said nothing, kept on quietly preparing the casserole for supper while Jensen paced and raged but Jared could see how distraught she was from the heave of her shoulders. Since Jensen’s first freak out in the shower just a few weeks ago he had spiralled into a series of new and challenging behaviors that left them all feeling dizzy and drained.

He was violently angry one minute, weeping and distraught the next. He often complained of feeling dirty and had taken to showering three or four times a day. He alternated between being panic stricken if Jared wasn’t in the same room and complaining that he was being smothered. After each outburst he was racked with guilt and terribly apologetic.

His physical rage was never aimed at them, he was always self-destructive. He punched walls, tore at his own hair, cried and yelled. Lucy and Jared were both at their wits’ end. They couldn’t comprehend what he was going through.

Steve and Chris advised patience; reminded them of how Jensen had missed out on the chance to do the normal self-destructive teenage things. Just ride out the storm had been Steve’s suggestion, but it was one thing for him to say it, he didn’t have to be here to see Jensen with blood dripping from his hands as he ranted and banged his head against the wall.

Steve had found a counselor, a music therapist who was a friend of his through the band. He was available to see Jensen each afternoon but at the moment Jensen was refusing to see him.

“It’s not just something I can talk about and then I’ll feel all better,” Jensen shouted. Jared winced as his hand slammed into the wall again leaving another bloodied mark. “I don’t even know why I feel like this!” Jensen swayed a little unsteadily and looked at his damaged hand as though he didn’t know how it had gotten that way. He dropped his voice. “How could you want me when I’m like this? Do you know what sort of a freak I am? No one could want me; you’ll get fed up and send me back eventually.”

The final self-pitying outburst was the signal that Jared was waiting for. Immediately moving in towards his friend, he gently caught hold of his damaged hand as Lucy handed him a cold wet cloth.

“Jensen, honey. I will always want you. You’re a grown man now; I’m not expecting you to be a good little boy.” She spoke as calmly as possible but was obviously terribly upset. If Jensen continued to refuse help Jared was afraid that Lucy would become really ill herself. As Lucy got the first aid kit Jared gently wiped away the worst of the blood, Jensen’s knuckles were swollen and puffy and it hurt Jared to see the way Jensen winced as Lucy smeared on the antibiotic ointment then bandaged it.

Lucy was exhausted, her skin had taken on a greyish tinge and Jared took the cloth from her as she prepared to wipe the blood from the walls. Rapidly he cleaned up the mess and righted the chairs that Jensen had kicked over in his tantrum. Jensen stood silently by his head hanging in shame. This was too big for sorry now; he didn’t know anymore if he would ever be able to put things right.

Lucy sank down at the table and took the mug of herbal tea that Jared pressed into her hand. Jensen’s outbursts were draining for all of them and this was the worst one yet.

“Jensen, come down to the stables with me; let’s give Lucy some peace and quiet for a bit, okay?” Jared’s voice was soft, but his tone left no room for argument.

Compliant for the time being, Jensen nodded and allowed Jared to lead him out of the house and through the yard.

Jensen made his way towards the horses but Jared shook his head, “No, this way; we need to talk.”

He led them into the little disused tack room that they’d been in before and sat down on the bale of hay. Jensen paced the tiny room for a bit but as Jared sat silently waiting, he finally gave in and sat down as far away as was possible in the tiny room.

“’Kay,” he said sullenly. “Talk.”

“You’re pushing me away, Jensen. I don’t know how to deal with it,” Jared replied. He caught Jensen’s good hand in his. “You used to touch me all the time, you were always reaching for me, letting me hold you. Now you jump if I come within three feet of you. You’ve pushed our beds apart! I don’t even think you want me in the same room anymore. Now you can talk to me I know less of what’s going on with you than when you couldn’t!” He tried to keep his tone even, not wanting Jensen to feel backed into a corner but he knew things couldn’t go on like this any longer.

“I don’t know what I’ve done but I don’t want you to be like Sleeping Beauty, I **didn’t** prefer you the way you were before.” Jared tries to put every bit of emphasis into his voice as Jensen continues to gaze moodily at the floor.

“You don’t know what I am,” comes Jensen’s whispered reply.

“How can I know anything if you don’t tell me?” Jared’s voice was anguished now and he flung himself to his knees at Jensen’s feet. “I’m not a fucking psychic! I knew how you were thinking and feeling before from your body language and the tension in your muscles. But I had to be near you, to touch you to do it! You throw me off when I come near you now but you still expect me to know.”

  
He grabbed Jensen’s face between his hands, forcing the older man to look at him. “Please, Jensen, I don’t care what’s happened to you, it won’t make any difference to the way I think about you, it really won’t. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through but tell me about it and I can share the load with you.” He let his hands drop gently to Jensen’s shoulders as he gazed up at him. “I want to be here for you, Jensen, but you have to let me.”

Jensen dropped his head forward as his shoulders slumped. “Did you know about Tom?” he asked softly.

“I remember him,” Jared said carefully.

“No, I mean did you know he was my . . . I don’t know what . . . he was my boyfriend?”

Jared nodded, “Lucy found the pictures you’d taken of him; she talked to him after you first got sick. She told me.”

Jensen covered his face with his hands for a moment and forced himself to stay calm. “Got sick! That’s such a harmless way to put it. Jared, my mom sent me here that summer because I kept fighting with my brother, or so she said. Really he kept beating me up because I was gay.” Jared couldn’t say anything, just kept staring up into Jensen’s eyes as though the answers he sought might somehow be found there.

“Then when I ran away to see Tom she made the Doctor give me a shot like being gay was a disease that could be cured. I didn’t want to be cured. For the first time in my life, I’d found people who saw me for who I am and still loved me.” He traced a gentle finger down the side of Jared’s face, wiped an untidy lock of hair back behind his ear.

“I don’t know why you stay," he said quietly. “I just give you so much crap. I’ve kept you away from your family and friends. For all I know you might have a girlfriend waiting for you. I feel like you know everything about me and I know nothing about you. For all I know you might think I’m just some cheap little twink who’s taking advantage of how nice you are .”

Jared leaned into the touch where Jensen’s hand still rested on the side of his face, felt as something subtle in their relationship began to change.

“I was at college; all I’d wanted for years was to be a teacher. Going to college had been my dream for so long,” Jared said softly. “I hardly even noticed it when I got there. In my first week on Campus I fell in love with someone older, the owner of the bookstore so if anyone’s the cheap twink it’s me. I hardly knew any of the other students, my life totally revolved around him. I thought it would last forever and when it didn’t I fell apart.”

Jared swallowed hard at the memory of how James had smiled as he handed Jared a second bag while they waited for his ride home for the vacation. “I took the liberty of packing the rest of your things for you; you’ll need to find somewhere else to stay after Christmas.” He’d kissed Jared then and Jared had been enveloped in the smell of expensive aftershave, “It’s been fun, call me sometime.” Then he’d gone, leaving Jared lost and alone, clutching the diamond tie-pin he’d bought as a gift. He’d never seen it coming and had been blind-sided by the loss of his partner.

“Chad helped me start over again but I didn’t feel really alive again until I met you.” Jared smiled a little shakily. “This is one of those conversations that would be so much easier over a bottle of tequila!” Jensen gave the ghost of a smile to signal his understanding but sat motionless waiting for Jared to continue.

“I got so lost when James threw me away like a piece of trash. When I met you I knew you were lost too, I hoped maybe we could find our way back together.”

Jared leaned in closer and felt almost dizzy with the longing for Jensen to close the gap. When he did with the merest brush of his lips to Jared’s temple, Jared almost moaned with longing.

It felt like they sat frozen like that for hours, Jared kneeling between Jensen’s legs, his hands on Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen leaning into kiss Jared’s face, his good hand tangled in Jared’s mane of silky hair. When their lips finally met Jared felt a huge rush of belonging, of feeling as though he finally fit. Jensen’s body moulded into his as though they were two halves that made up a perfect whole.

Finally though Jared, pulled away blinking. “Jensen, I want to . . . God, I want to be with you so much! But I’m scared.” He held on tight to Jensen’s arm, desperate for him to understand that he wasn’t being rejected. “This is all so much change for you and so fast. I think you need to talk about it with someone who isn’t me. Please see Jason this afternoon,” Jared begged. “I want so much for things to be right between us but I’m out of my depth. I don’t want to move too fast.”

Jensen leaned back in towards him and kissed the little mole at the side of Jared’s mouth. “I’ve wanted to do that for ages,” he laughed shakily. “Okay, you’re right. We need to take it slow and I need to see Jason.” Standing up he pulled Jared to his feet, “I guess I need to go talk to Lucy and apologize to her again.”

Jared nodded, “Promise me if you get angry like that again you’ll come down here, I don’t care if you yell at me and punch the walls. Hell! Punch me and I’ll punch you back and we can have a proper Texan brawl. But it’s killing her to see you like that; I don’t think she can take much more!”

Jensen kissed Jared again, the most fleeting of touches. “I promise,” he agreed, “and when Lucy goes away with your Mom next time we need to get that bottle of tequila!”

  
[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/12738.html)


	22. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (21/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (21/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (21/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,300  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta,  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

With love to all my flist and apologies for the extreme lateness of the chapter. In an effort to overcome my block on writing my new bff and I started an RP fic – several thousand words later we have created a comm [](http://j2purpleprose.livejournal.com/profile)[**j2purpleprose**](http://j2purpleprose.livejournal.com/) to post it in when it’s finished. Please feel free to friend us there so you can be the first to read more hurty boys!

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html), [, ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html</a)[19](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html) [20](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11510.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jason carefully took the guitar from Jensen’s hands and placed it beside him on the floor. He put one hand on Jensen’s shoulder as a gesture of support but did nothing to stop the damaged young man from finally sobbing out his sorrow and anger.

“She stole so much from me! They all did. How could they do that to me?”

“It hurt you very much that they couldn’t accept you for who you were,” Jason stated softly.

“I kind of expected Josh to be an ass; he always was. I just thought it was a big brother sort of thing. But then she took his side against me because her precious boy couldn’t be wrong; it had to be me causing trouble. He gave me a black eye and a split lip and called me a cock-slut faggot!” Jensen’s anguish was palpable but Jason knew for him to finally be able to talk about this was a significant achievement.

“How was that my fault? I was grounded for a week while they discussed how impossible **I** was!” Jensen broke down again; the long suppressed sense of outrage bubbling over in a fresh flood of weeping. Again Jason sat calmly by and allowed him to experience it; it was the first time Jensen had really allowed his angry mask to drop enabling the pain to spill out.

“When I was sent to Lucy it was meant to be a punishment, being banished from the family for the summer."

“That must have been hard for you to deal with. Can you remember how you felt? What did you think when you first arrived?”

Jensen wiped his face with the back of his hand and took a swallow of water from the bottle beside him. He closed his eyes as he tried to select the memory he wanted. He and Jason had been working on it all week, Jensen taking control over his memories rather than being overwhelmed by the rush of unwanted memories or flashbacks that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet.

“I remember being torn, I sat on the bus and I was so angry with them all, I remember thinking that they were so eager to be rid of me that they couldn’t even be bothered to drop me off and that really hurt. But I was sort of excited too, Lucy and David had always been good people, whenever we visited they were kind, y’know? They were both always _genuinely_ interested in what I was doing at school and stuff.”

Jason nodded, Jensen seemed to almost shrink before him as he reverted to the lonely, confused teenager he had been.

“When I got there I was almost expecting to have to catch a cab to the ranch or something, to have to sleep out in the cabin with the ranch hands but it was like . . . like, I dun .” Jensen searched for an appropriate analogy. “Like I was the prodigal son come home. They both met me and Lucy wrapped me up in this huge hug and said how excited she was at being able to spoil me for the summer. David grinned and agreed. They’d organized a party for me so I could meet everyone and make some friends for the summer – it was like a dream.”

Jensen’s face changed with the flickering parade of emotions that his memories evoked. Jason was pleased to see it; the young man had been unable to express himself appropriately for so long, yet in just two weeks he had come such a long way. Although of course not many families could afford the luxury of daily therapy sessions Jensen was really benefiting from them and Jason was relishing the professional challenge of doing such intensive work.

“Like a dream?” he asked carefully; he could see that Jensen was tiring but wanted him to explore these positive memories a little further.

“That someone _could_ want me, not think I was second best or a problem. I called my m. . . called her to say I’d arrived safely and she said, “I can’t talk now, Mackenzie will be late for ballet.” That was it, and I just stood there looking at the phone and I felt . . . lost, abandoned, I remember wanting to cry and then Lucy was there. ‘Come on,’ she said. ’My best friend is here with her boys and I want her to meet you.’ And she didn’t try and straighten my clothes or mess my hair around; she just took my hand and led me out with this huge smile on her face like she was really proud – of me!” Jensen’s face lit up, “Jared, it must have been! This chubby little kid and his mom and brother, Lucy said, ’This is Jensen, he’s _my_ boy for the whole summer,’ and I knew all of a sudden that she meant it. That party was for me, like _I_ was special and I met Tom and the others, we played basketball and I was happier than anything ever that I was there.”

“Good,” Jason nodded, “let’s leave it there for today, shall we? Do you feel like you’re going to be okay this evening?”

“I do, yes, I . . . she meant it then and she means it now, doesn’t she? She really means it, she’s never going to send me away or banish me or . . . I really can stay here for good now.” There was a sense of genuine wonder about Jensen now as the reality of his situation finally began to sink in.

Jason nodded; glad that Jensen was finally beginning to accept the love and support that was being offered to him. “Yes, she does. Okay then, let’s go grab a coffee before I hit the road.”

As the two young men came out of the sunroom Jared sprang up from the table with a guilty start. He had been drowsing with his head on his arms and a little trail of drool leaking from his lip. “Sorry, didn’t mean . . . um . . . can I get you anything?” he stuttered.

Jensen put his hand on Jared’s shoulder, “Please, let me. You look exhausted.” Jared nodded gratefully and sank back down in his chair; “I’m okay, but thanks.”

Jason grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it up beside Jared, “Bad night?” he asked sympathetically. “I’m fine,” Jared replied coolly. It wasn’t that he resented the time Jensen spent with Jason exactly just, the times in the night when Jensen awoke with nightmares, when Jared sat awake cradling him and soothing away the fears, they felt like they were private, if Jensen felt like telling Jason about them so be it but Jared wasn’t about to.

Jensen brought the coffees over to the table along with the coffee cake Lucy had left in the fridge, like a child he swiped his finger through the frosting, waiting until Jason looked away before he sucked it off his finger with an expression that was anything but childlike. Jared flushed and kicked him under the table and Jensen grinned. “Guess I’d better have this slice,” he drawled,” anyone else want a piece?”

Jared had found that Jensen was often like this after his therapy session – impish and teasing, only able to handle the lightest of conversations as he dealt with the emotional overload of what had gone before.

They chatted about innocuous things as they ate and drank; Steve and Chris were playing a gig at the weekend and Jensen was desperately hoping he’d feel up to going. He had trouble with dealing with crowds and busy places at the moment but was confident that with Jared and Jason by his side he’d be able to cope.

Finally Jason made his goodbyes and promised to return the following day. As soon as he’d gone Jensen surprised Jared by dragging him close and kissing him hungrily, pressing against him with a fervor that seemed less about sexual contact and more as though he was literally trying to climb into Jared’s skin.

Breathlessly Jared pulled away, still clasping Jensen’s biceps. “Easy, tiger! What’s this in aid of?”

“Making up for lost time I guess,” Jensen replied, “I remembered the first time I saw you and I was thinking about all that time again. How can I cram all that stuff, nine years’ worth of experiences into my head?”

Jared looked at him seriously then took Jensen’s hand. “Tequila time, come on.” Snagging the bottle from the cupboard he led Jensen out to the porch and settled himself on the swing seat, pulling Jensen down beside him. He took a generous swig from the bottle before passing it over. Once Jensen had drunk too they kissed again, slower this time but with no less passion, Jared allowing Jensen to taste and explore his mouth, only occasionally drawing back a little if Jensen became too heated.

Finally they sat back again; Jared felt the old wood of the swing warm against his back, the alcohol creating a pleasant buzz in his head, Jensen feeling just right in his arms.

“I don’t think you can,“ he said softly. “I don’t think you can catch it up or grab it back and that’s sad, it’s terrible but it’s over. What you . . . what we can do is make the next nine really count, and the nine after that and the nine after that.”

Jensen nodded slowly, looking at the dusk that was darkening the sky, painting the horizon with gorgeous stripes of violet, orange and cerise. “What time will Lucy be back?” he asked softly, “I know we said we’d take it slow but I don’t want to anymore. I know what I feel for you is real, I can’t imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else, please?”

Jared slowly tipped his head back as he took another swig of the spirit, a drop missed his mouth and trickled down his neck and he gasped as Jensen licked a trail to catch it with his tongue. “I’m scared,” he admitted nervously.

Jensen nodded his understanding, “I’m bloody terrified!” he laughed nervously. “I feel like . . . like this is something huge and overwhelming and impossible but I want you, only ever you!”

Jared laced his fingers through Jensen’s and squeezed his hand, “Never think for a moment I don’t want to. I’m just afraid of taking advantage. You know – you’re four years older than me but in here . . . “ he tapped Jensen’s head, “in here you’re fifteen, I don’t know if you’re thinking with your head or your body or if you’ve just clung onto me because we need each other.”

Jensen smiled then and swung his leg over Jared’s so he was practically sitting on Jared’s lap, one knee each side of Jared’s legs. “I think you think too much. I’m not fifteen anymore, not in any way that could possibly affect the way I feel about you.” Leaning forward Jensen kissed the younger man again, deliberately grinding down into him, allowing Jared to feel just how aroused Jensen was.

“Hello boys!” Lucy called and they pulled away in a flurry of arms and legs that sent the tequila bottle flying off the edge off the deck as Jared blushed scarlet and desperately tried to adjust himself. "“Hey Lucy, we're just heading down to the stables, okay?" Jensen called. He grabbed Jared's hand and they fled giggling through the yard until they arrived in the tack room breathless and still laughing. “Now I really do feel like a teenager again,“ Jensen giggled until Jared backed him up against the wall and kissed him again, ravaging his mouth until both men were beyond laughter, grinding into each other and searching for friction as Jared humped against Jensen’s hip.

“Please,” Jensen begged, “Make me new memories, please Jay!” he almost sobbed as Jared’s hand dropped to Jensen’s fly and popped the buttons open one by one. Jensen thought it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen as Jared dropped to his knees, his perfect pink lips preparing to take him in.

That was pretty much his last coherent thought until he found himself sated and complete, lying in Jared’s arms in the hay.

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/14860.html#cutid1)


	23. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (22/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (22/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (22/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen, Steve/Chris  
 **Wordcount:** 2,100  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta,  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

This chapter is for lovely [](http://mini-moue.livejournal.com/profile)[**mini_moue**](http://mini-moue.livejournal.com/) who keeps hassling me to get on and finish this!

[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html), [, ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html</a)[19](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html) [20](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11510.html), [21](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/12738.html#cutid1)

  


  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

“Oh my God! I can’t believe it, just look at you! You look fantastic, Jay, doesn’t he look fantastic?” Sophia flung her arms around Jen and wrapped him in a bear hug and he grinned shyly over her head as Jay nodded his agreement. Sandy joined in the exuberant hugging and shrieking which Jensen took with an outward appearance of calm. Michael clapped him on the shoulder and gently steered the two women to their table so that Jensen could regain his composure.

A few short weeks of good food and exercise had indeed done wonders for Jensen. He was developing muscle from riding and playing basketball with Jared in the yard; the sunshine had given a healthy glow of color to his cheeks and accentuated the freckles that sprinkled across his nose. His whole demeanor had changed too, he chatted easily with Jared and the others now, he was interacting on a more or less normal level. With Jason’s help the outbursts were a thing of the past. This was his first outing in such a public place however and Jared and Jason both hovered close, seeming more anxious about the occasion than Jensen himself did.

Chad came back from the bar with their drinks as they settled themselves into a secluded corner of the bar that allowed them a good view of the stage. They’d arrived early to the gig to ensure that the venue wasn’t too crowded for Jensen but so far he was enjoying the evening. He felt safe with Jared and Jason there, Jared's friends had joined them for the gig too and it was the first time any of them except Chad had seen him since the pool party.

Chad had visited the ranch several times since Jensen had woken up, more so since he’d been working with Jason and learned how to control his emotional outbursts. At first he’d been concerned about the obvious relationship that was developing between his friend and Jensen. He knew only too well how vulnerable Jared was despite his happy-go-lucky persona. Jared’s recent depression had only served to show how fragile he was where Jensen was concerned.

Chad was deeply protective of his friend and concerned about the possibility that as Jensen recovered himself and grew stronger he would no longer need Jared and would want to move on. Chad knew all too well how badly Jared had been affected by his break up with James and Chad couldn’t bear to see his friend in that much pain again. However, even though it was still early days, it quickly became apparent that the relationship was beneficial to both men. While Jensen obviously took strength and security from Jared’s presence, he also seemed able to intuit Jared’s moods and distracted him if he was melancholy. Jared was more naturally relaxed and at ease than Chad had seen him in a very long time. Together they seemed happier and more complete than they had ever been alone.

Although Jensen was no longer taking any meds he was still reluctant to drink alcohol so he stuck to soft drinks while the others drank only moderately as the evening progressed. None of them had seen Chris and Steve perform professionally before and they were all in awe at how talented their new friends were.

The first part of their set passed uneventfully and Jared and Jason finally relaxed and began chatting to the others. Chad was once more sent to the bar because he had an uncanny knack of immediately getting served. He said it was a natural talent, Jared reckoned it had more to do with the fact that all the bartenders knew just how much mayhem he was capable of causing if left to wait for too long!

As Chad returned balancing a tray, Jensen stood up with a smile and excused himself. Jared moved to stand but Jensen shook his head. “I’m fine, you stay here,” he smiled and Jared nodded reluctantly. He still found it hard to step back and give Jensen the independence he needed. He watched with concern as Jensen threaded his way through the crowd to the restrooms in the corner of the bar. It wasn’t until Jensen disappeared that Jared allowed himself to be drawn back into the conversation.

As Jensen made his way back from the cloakrooms he couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride in everything he had achieved recently. At Jason’s suggestion he kept a marble in his pocket as a reminder of just how far he had come. With a grin he thought about Jared waiting for him, much as he was enjoying the evening he found himself looking forward to the drive home with a ridiculous amount of pleasure. Despite his limited experience he just knew that he was right to be with Jared, couldn’t contemplate even looking at anyone else. Not looking where he was going Jensen collided with a man going in the opposite direction, blushing and stammering an apology he looked up to meet a pair of startling blue eyes gazing at him in shock.

“Jensen?” The man whispered, “Is it? Are you? I thought . . . Oh my God!” Jensen felt poleaxed, unable to move or speak as he gazed at the man in front of him. Blue eyes that had been so familiar and the same unruly dark hair but all so different, so changed.

“What happened to you? When I spoke to David he said . . . he said you’d never wake up.” Almost of its own accord, Tom’s hand stretched out to touch Jensen’s face.

Jensen started to tremble; he and Jason had talked about the possibility of tracking Tom down so that Jensen could get closure on that episode of his life but that had been abstract. The reality was too much, too shocking. The evidence before him of just how much Tom had changed and aged served only to force home just what Jensen had lost.

Still speechless Jensen realized with horror that tears were tracking down his face, Tom had been so much fun but now as then he had been unable to cope with emotion.

“I . . . I’m sorry, I can’t handle this, I have to go.” Tom looked stricken as he backed away from Jensen down the corridor,

“Please,” Jensen entreated forcing the words out in a desperate gasp. “Get Jared, I need Jared.”

Tom turned and fled leaving Jensen gasping and shaking. Terrified by the overwhelming feeling of panic, Jensen looked round him and saw the nearby cloakroom. As the blackness descended and the lights flashed in front of his eyes, he staggered into the dark space and wedged himself under the desk.

Steve and Chris were pleased with the crowd’s response to their set, the free drinks were flowing which was always an indication of how successful their evening was.

Steve tinkered with his guitar as Chris accepted another beer from the server. “Ready to start again, dude?” he grinned. Chris nodded and picked up his own instrument as a tall, dark stranger threaded his way through the crowd towards them. The man was clearly agitated. “Uh, sorry guys, could you . . . I mean could I borrow the mike? There’s a . . .this guy’s freaking out back there, I need to find someone called Jared?” Steve put down his guitar immediately, “You do “Spirit Boy” next, I’ll go see what’s going on.” Chris nodded; he was desperate to go with Steve but knew that this gig was too important to interrupt unless they were sure it was something that needed them both.

As Steve approached the group, Jared was already on his feet scanning the crowd for signs of Jensen. “He should be back by now,” Jared fretted. “Jared, now!" Steve called and Jared hurried over. Looking at the man who stood a little behind Steve, Jared felt his heart plummet. He recognized the man immediately from the photographs and from his childhood memories. “Tom!” he felt stricken, Tom was back, Jensen would want to take up with him where he had left off. Jensen wouldn’t need him anymore.

Steve grabbed his shoulder almost roughly. “Jared! Come back dude, he needs **you** , he sent Tom to find you.” Jared nodded; both men were following Tom as he led them through to the back of the bar. Tom stopped in consternation; “He was here when I left him,”

Jared scanned the corridor, knowing that if Jensen was struggling he wouldn’t leave himself exposed in a place like this. “Jensen?” Steve called. “Come on dude, let’s get you home.” There was no reply and he made his way down the corridor pushing open the door to the restrooms and checking to see if Jensen had gone inside.

“I’m sorry, man. It was a shock to see him. I thought he was dead,” Tom apologized. He was obviously ill at ease being there but didn’t want to leave either. Jared shrugged it off, not really worried about Tom for the moment; Jensen was his only focus.

As Tom opened his mouth to speak again Steve returned still calling Jensen’s name. “Shhh!” Jared put his fingers to his lips and listening intently, he indicated the cloakroom to his left, “He’s in there, I think. I’ll deal with it Steve. You need to go back and play. He’ll never forgive himself if you mess up your set because of him.” Steve looked doubtful but agreed eventually. “Okay, I’ll go back up front, I’ll send Jason back though.”

Jared looked at Tom, “Can you stay here for a minute, tell my friends where we are when they get here?” Tom nodded, “I’ll have to go when they get here, my . . . my wife is out there.” He fumbled a card out of his wallet and gave it to Jared. “I remember you, you’re Josh’s kid brother, aren’t you? Will you call me? Just . . . I dunno, just so we can talk.” Jared nodded and shoved the card into his pocket as he pushed the door open gently. “Jen, it’s just me, okay? Can I come in?”

He edged forward into the darkness; he could hear Jensen breathing. As Jared’s eyes grew accustomed to the dark he could just make out where Jensen was sitting, huddled into a corner behind the coats. As Jared approached Jen held out his hand in a wordless entreaty. Instantly Jared was at his side, folding him into his arms. “Jesus! Man, you scared me; “ he breathed into Jensen’s hair as he pulled him close. Felt the clutch of Jensen’s arm as they just sat and held each other tight in silence.

The room filled with light as the door opened and Jason came in. “Hey, guys. How’s it going? Jen? You doing okay?”

Jared relaxed his hold a little so Jensen could move if he wanted to but he just clutched Jared tighter. “The guy out there?” Jared said softly, “That was Tom.”

Jason drew in a deep breath, then nodded. “Okay, this is going to be too much to deal with now, isn’t it? D’you need me to get the car?”

“I’m okay,” Jensen said softly. “It’s . . . I mean . . . I couldn’t talk to him but I knew . . . I just wanted Jared.”

Jason looked troubled. He knew there was something that Jensen had been holding back from their conversations. For some reason it had never occurred to him that Jensen and Jared had begun a sexual relationship but looking at the way they were holding each other now it was impossible to miss.

Easing themselves forward out of Jensen’s hiding place both men straightened up, Jared didn’t like the way Jason was looking at him. He felt vulnerable and strangely defensive at the same time. “We’re good together,” he said defiantly, still holding Jensen protectively close.

“I’ll tell the others you’ve gone home,” Jason said, his voice giving away nothing of what he was thinking. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” He flicked on the lights as he left, leaving Jensen and Jared blinking at the brightness.

[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/15544.html)


	24. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (23/25)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (23/25) J2 AU**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (23/25)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature – Warning for angst and depression although not so much as in the earlier chapters!  
 **Characters:** Jared/Jensen,  
 **Wordcount:** 2,100  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta,  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

This chapter is for lovely [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) For Jo – ‘cos I didn’t do anything for her birthday and she’s always treasured and special xxx

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html), [, ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html</a)[19](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html) [20](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11510.html), [21](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/12738.html#cutid1), [22](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/14860.html)

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared drove the truck in silence; he was almost on autopilot as thoughts and feelings churned through his head; the single beer he’d had roiled in his stomach making him feel queasy and strange. He knew he was driving too fast but he wanted to get home **now** , put as many miles as possible between them and the bar.

Jensen sat limply beside him, his head lolled back on the headrest and his eyes closed but Jared knew that he wasn’t really asleep. Jared could feel Tom’s card burning a hole through the back pocket of his jeans; he didn’t know why he had accepted it. He wanted to tear it up and hurl it out of the window as though that would somehow make a difference to the history the man shared with Jensen.

The older man had been so handsome, his dark hair falling in soft, floppy waves over piercing blue eyes so devastatingly gorgeous he couldn’t imagine how anyone would be able to turn him down. Jared was so afraid that Jensen would want Tom again now he’d seen him. He knew that when they got home he’d have to give Jensen the card, wondered if he’d have to sit and listen while Jensen phoned Tom, made a date so they could meet up. He knew he ought to leave and let Jensen have his space but didn’t know if he’d be able to tear himself away. Jared blinked hard and forced himself to concentrate on the road ahead, the lump in his throat choking him and his eyelids prickling with forced back tears.

“Stop the truck,” Jensen’s voice was quiet but insistent. “Please Jay?” Tenderly he reached out and put his hand on Jared’s leg, his touch warm and sure. “Come on, dude. I can hear your brain working from here.” Jared nodded and swung the truck over to the side of the road. He turned the key and then let his hands fall back into his lap, staring in front of him still, afraid to meet Jensen’s eyes, afraid of what Jensen was going to say.

“Jay, I . . . I love you, okay? Stop fretting now, I’m yours - body and soul so you can stop angsting about Tom and bring your mind back from planning my wedding to him or wherever else it is at the moment!” He smiled and reached up, pulling Jared’s face round to look at him, leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. “When I saw him all I could think about was **you** , that I needed **you**.”

Jared let out a long breath that he didn’t even realize he’d been holding, his eyes still darting away from the piercing intensity of Jensen’s steady gaze. “Sorry, yeah I . . . I should have trusted you. I’m sorry. It’s just . . . I’m afraid, that if not Tom then someone else . . . y’know I would understand if you felt you wanted to . . . explore a bit or something. You’ve missed out on so much, there must be so much you want to do and see . . .” his voice trailed off softly.

Jensen kissed him gently, a tiny, butterfly touch to the edge of Jared’s mouth then pulled back a little, hands tangled in Jared’s hair so that he couldn’t avoid eye contact. “There is. I want to travel, I want to see the mountains, go to the beach, get up on the stage and play my guitar with the guys. I want to meet lots of new people. I want to help kids like me . . . like I was. And I want to do it all with you by my side. You’re my rock, the other half of me. You’re not going to get away from me this easy, kiddo!”

Jared leaned in again with a shaky little laugh. “That . . . that sounds like a plan I can live with.”

Jared found his breath coming in little puffs of air; the relief washing over him was like a tidal wave making him feel light-headed and giddy. He sagged against Jensen then swore as the stick shift jammed into his thigh. He wriggled round until he was comfortable and relished the feeling of being in Jensen’s arms. James had never been much for cuddling, even after sex his previous lover would roll back to his own side of the big bed, sprawling out like a starfish so that Jared couldn’t spoon round him however much he might have wanted to.

It was so different with Jensen, their whole relationship had grown out of touching, they were so tuned in to each other that they could tell how each other was feeling from the tension in their skin. It was as automatic as breathing for them to seek comfort in each other’s touch or to offer reassurance through a hug or a brief clasp of hands.

“I think we should push the beds back together,” Jared said shyly. “I want to . . . I mean don’t get me wrong, I love sneaking off with you to the stables and . . . well, you know but I want . . . “

“Yes,” Jensen agreed instantly. “Me too. I think we should tell Lucy too. We owe it to her to be honest about us. I’m sure of how I feel about you; we have no reason to hide this anymore.”

Jared felt a warmth spreading through his belly; he loved how Jensen could just understand how he was feeling. It was so dark in the truck but the moonlight glimmered off Jensen’s perfect teeth and made his eyes sparkle. Jared remembered when the eyes that were so full of love and life now had been so vacant and empty. But even then there had been something, a spark that only he had been able to see.

“I love how you’ve changed; watching you come back has been the most magical thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Dude, whatever this is, it’s not a fairytale, okay? If you wanna have Prince Charming fantasies that’s fine, I’ll buy you a sword to play with or something but I’m not your Sleeping Beauty!”

Jared grinned, “You’ve mentioned that before! And I think that once again tonight we’ve managed to prove successfully that I am totally the girl in this relationship!”

Jensen grinned wolfishly, “Want to prove that neither of us is in any way girly?” He pushed in for a kiss that was strong and demanding, his hands dropping to Jared’s thighs, squeezing the muscles appreciatively. Jared moaned into the kiss, his tongue pushing insistently against Jensen’s as his hands began to roam the other man’s torso.

As Jensen’s hands moved higher Jared could feel himself jerking up into the touch, eager for more, wanting to feel Jensen’s fingers on his skin. He trembled as Jensen’s deft fingers brushed against his hardening length through the fabric of his jeans. “Please, Jen . . .“ he begged, grinding himself closer.

Jen’s fingers kept up their relentless teasing, his mouth working wetly against the tender flesh of Jared’s throat.

They hadn’t moved their relationship beyond the blow jobs in the barn and frantic fumblings like this but Jensen was consumed now with the desire to take this further, to see his lover naked and spread out beneath him. He knew it wouldn’t take long to take Jared over the edge. He imagined how it would feel to have those long legs wrapped round his waist pulling him in deeper and deeper.

Jensen almost whined at the thought and gently pulled away, his breathing ragged. He knew he wanted more than they could do in the confines of the truck. “Easy, tiger! I think we should take this home. It’s kinda cramped in here.” He grabbed Jared’s hands, which were still trembling with need. “Want me to drive?” he teased.

Jared struggled to bring himself back under control. “You wish! I guess we’d better put giving you driving lessons to the top of the list!”

“There’s something else I want to do first,” he growled but forced himself to keep his hands to himself as Jared tried to regain control. The other man’s skin was flushed and his clothing dishevelled and it only served to make him look even more desirable. Both exchanging heated glances and murmured promises that this was only postponed until they were home until Jared was steady enough to drive the few miles back to the ranch.

  
When they pulled in at the ranch the porch light was on to welcome them home. As they entered the house though they could see at once that Lucy was still up despite the late hour. At the sound of the door closing, she rushed out of the kitchen.

“Oh boys, are you alright? I was so worried. Jason called to say that something had happened at the gig and to see if you were back safely. I was expecting you back a while ago.”

Jensen pulled the worried-looking woman into his arms, “I’m so sorry, we had no idea he would worry you like that.” He turned to look at Jared, the question obvious in his eyes and Jared gave a tiny nod of understanding. “Shall we have a hot chocolate together? Calm down before we go to sleep?” He smiled at her reassuringly. “I guess it’s been a hectic night for all of us.”

She agreed gratefully and they went through to the cosy kitchen that was so much the heart of their life at the ranch. It saw so many people come and go each day, friends, neighbors, farm workers all were welcomed and made to feel cherished by this special woman. Jared was suddenly filled with the need to make her realize how amazing she was too.

“I’ll do the drinks,” he offered. “Jen, why don’t you go and get a throw from the couch in the sun room, I think Lucy’s chilly.” She tried to protest but both boys were obviously in agreement so she gave in and let them pamper her for a bit. Jensen snuggled her up in the throw and Jared pottered round in the kitchen fixing a plate of sugar cookies to nibble on while the milk heated for the drinks.

When they were all settled however she fixed Jensen with a keen look. “So what did happen tonight? Jason was very cagey.”

“Honestly, it was nothing,” Jensen protested. “Tom was there and I freaked out a little bit. But not in public or anything dramatic. Jay looked after me and we came on home early, that’s all.”

She smiled fondly at Jared then looked back at her nephew., “Honey, I’ll never worry about you like that when I know Jay’s there to take of you. It was because you were so long getting here after Jason called; I was afraid you’d had an accident or something.”

Jared blushed and stammered incoherently and Lucy laughed suddenly. “Oh, so that’s what you were doing!” She patted Jared’s hand. “I’m forty five not ninety you know, and I do have eyes. If you two want to park up on the way home that’s fine. You’re both adults!”

Jensen laughed then at Jared’s look of total mortification at the idea of his mom’s best friend discussing his love life. “It is more than that, Lucy,” he confessed. “But I don’t think Jason approves.”

“Well, it’s not for him to approve or not anyway,” she said firmly. “He’s paid to help you work through your problems and anyone with half an eye can see that your relationship with Jared isn’t a problem. So there, you have my blessing for what it’s worth and now I’m going to bed.” She drained the rest of her drink. “Ladies my age need their beauty sleep.”

And as she kissed them both fondly and made her way upstairs they were left staring in open-mouthed wonder at her.

“Think she’ll adopt me too?” Jared muttered softly. His hand reached out to cover Jensen’s wrist, his thumb moving in hypnotic circles over the vein that pulsed there.

Jensen stared entranced for a few moments before pulling away. “Come on, wash those mugs up. We have furniture to shift. I want to go to bed too, but I’m plenty beautiful enough already.” Jensen smirked. “So I have other plans when we get there that definitely don’t involve sleeping!”

  
[next](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/21233.html#cutid1)


	25. </b> Sunshine on a Rainy Day (24/24)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

_**Sunshine on a Rainy Day (24/24) J2 AU - Complete**_  
 **Title:** Sunshine on a Rainy Day (24/24)  
 **Author:** [](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/profile)[**violetknights**](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** Mature **Characters:** Jared/Jensen,  
 **Wordcount:** 2,100  
Thanks to the wonderful [](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/profile)[**apieceofcake**](http://apieceofcake.livejournal.com/) for the awesome banner and to my invisible friend for the beta,  <3 and the encouragement.

 **Disclaimer:** This is fiction, it’s not real, I’m only playing. Title and song lyrics borrowed from Sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe.  
 **Summary:** AU. Jared has been looking for a purpose to his life ever since he dropped out of college and returned to the small town where he grew up. Jensen is a deeply damaged young man who needs a friend. After a traumatic set-back things finally seem to be going their way.

Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me through this fic, it was very hard to finish but I finally felt that it had come to a natural conclusion. For those of you who were expecting a chapter 25 there is an epilogue on its way.

  
[ Prologue](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5360.html#cutid1) , [ 1](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5462.html#cutid1),[ 2 ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5692.html), [ 3](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/5912.html#cutid1),[4](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6278.html?#cutid1),[5](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6589.html#cutid1),[6](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/6708.html#cutid1), [ 7](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7024.html#cutid1), [8](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7366.html#cutid1), [ 9](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/7669.html#cutid1),[10](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8003.html#cutid1), [11](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8366.html) [12](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8659.html#cutid1), [13](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/8892.html), [14](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9526.html), [15](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/9732.html), [16](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10236.html), [17](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10301.html), [18](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/10795.html), [, ](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html</a)[19](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11109.html), [20](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/11510.html), [21](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/12738.html#cutid1), [22](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/14860.html), [23](http://violetknights.livejournal.com/15544.html)

[   
](http://pics.livejournal.com/violetknights/pic/000022zh/)

  
Jared studied his boyfriend’s face anxiously. It had been a long afternoon and he could see the tense lines of exhaustion pulling at Jensen’s eyes. Although they sat in relative peace in the corner of the yard a rather chaotic party was going on around them. They were celebrating . . . well actually he wasn’t really sure what they were celebrating but a party had seemed like a good idea so here they were.

Lucy was in her element, even now, long after the barbecue was finished she kept piling the table high with plates of food; cookies, cupcakes and little treats of every description; she’d been baking for days in anticipation. All those people who they’d decided needed to celebrate with them had been invited. Jensen had been adamant though that the two people not to be invited were his parents; he didn’t feel ready to see them again yet and wasn’t sure if he ever would. “Anyway, you really are my momma now,” he told Lucy with a fond squeeze and there had been nothing she or Jared could have done to change his mind even if they’d wanted to.

The yard had been filled with as many of their family and friends as could possibly be invited. Chris and Steve had played for a while and there’d been horse riding and ball games as well as an endless supply of food and drink but now things were winding down and only a core few remained.

Tom’s wife sat close to the boys with Jared’s Mom. All the others - Tom, Steve and Chris, Chad and Sophia, Jerry and Tom’s children, were all playing a hectic game of baseball that seemed to have no consistent rules and involved Sadie running off with the ball whenever she got the chance.

Jared leaned in closer, “Jen, if you’ve had enough we can go in. They’ll understand.”

Jensen squeezed his hand, “I’m okay, really. I’d . . . well, actually I’d like to go down to the horses if that’s okay with you? I mean . . . I’d like to go on my own.”

Jared forced himself not to look hurt, he knew that they couldn’t go on living in each other’s pockets the way that they did, but this, Jensen’s first strike for independence coming while Tom was here was almost too hard to deal with. He smiled though and nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Jensen was so poised and graceful as he said goodbye to Jamie and then to Tom and the children before striding off in the direction of the stables. The only tiny consolation that Jared had was that Sadie immediately dropped the ball and trotted after him, at least he had someone to keep an eye on him.

“Penny for them, honey!” He looked up as his Mom scooted her seat closer to his. “I’m so proud of you, JT.” He shrugged his shoulders and ducked his head away; he found it hard to take compliments at the best of times. “No, I mean it. You’ve been to so much trouble helping Lucy organize today and you’re getting to be pretty good as a barbecue chef.” She looked wistfully at the noisy game. “I remember you boys all being together as though it was yesterday, it’s just a shame Jeff couldn’t make it too.”

Jared looked up and smiled wanly, of course there was no reason for her to realize why Tom being here was more of a cause of pain to Jared than a happy memory to relive. Despite Jensen’s reassurances Jared wasn’t secure enough to have come to terms with the fact that Tom was Jensen’s first love and that it was, for Jensen at least still very recent.

“Jared, honey. I can see the way you look at each other, you and Jensen. I’m glad, really glad. When you came back from College last summer you were so broken, I despaired that I’d ever get you back again but he . . . something about him has made you whole and I love him for it. “

“He’s really special, mom. I was worried how you’d feel about it, like I was taking advantage of him or something because of how he was, y’know?”

She tousled his hair affectionately, “Oh, Jared, you’ve never taken advantage of anybody in your life, you wouldn’t know how!” She looked up and smiled as Lucy finally sat down to join them, “Hello, Hun. Well I guess you won’t have to bake again for a few days anyway!”

Lucy laughed, “I won’t hold my breath, you do know how many cookies our boy here can eat, right?”

“Oh, hey! That’s not fair, I totally have help. Although,” his eyes twinkled happily, “Chris and Steve look like they’re working up an appetite. Maybe Chris’d be up for another challenge!”

Lucy tried to look stern but failed her face breaking into a delighted smile instead. “No, young man. My cookies are not to be party to another ‘ who can eat the most in five minutes contest’! Apart from anything else you were up all night complaining of bellyache.”

“I won, didn’t I?” Jared countered and both women chuckled fondly.

He sat peacefully for a while as they talked around him, chatting about who’d done what, who was seeing whom, the new family who’d moved in up the road. The game was winding down now, the five men still playing but Sophia had joined Jamie to sit and watch and the little girls were now hiding under the food table, nibbling cookies they were too full to really want. It should be perfect, he thought. His family and friends around him, good food, lovely surroundings, what more could he want? And yet after less than an hour he felt Jensen’s absence like a physical ache. Abruptly he stood up; “I’m just going to go and see if he’s okay,” he murmured to no one in particular, “won’t be long.”

The dusk was just starting to fall and it took Jared’s eyes a minute to adjust to the dim lighting in the stable block. “Jen?” he said softly. Rufus whickered at the intrusion but there was no sign of the other man. “Jen?” a little louder this time. Hesitantly Jared pushed open the door to the little tack room, Jensen was in there, singing softly under his breath to whatever tune was playing on his I-pod, oblivious to Jared’s presence. He was polishing Rufus’ saddle, rubbing sweet smelling beeswax into the old leather and wiping it away with a soft cloth. Sadie slept on the floor beside him; she opened one eye lazily but settled back with a single thump of her tail when she saw who it was.

Jensen looked so beautiful it took Jared’s breath away; he leaned against the doorframe, content to watch Jensen work forever. In the few months since they’d met Jensen had changed so much but he was essentially still the same, the self-contained movements, the cat-like grace. Of course now Jensen was totally back in the driving seat, in control of every thought and movement. Straightening up he made the vertebrae in his back crack and then he swung the saddle back up on to the wooden pegs where it lived.

Turning round he saw Jared and a smile lit up his face, “Oh, I thought you’d want to be there . . . I didn’t want to take you away from your mom and your friends.” Jared pulled Jensen close, smelling the beeswax on his skin, “You have no idea,” he muttered. “I was going crazy without you, even after five minutes!” Jensen kissed him then, long and so slow that they practically melted into each other.

Despite his tiredness Jensen felt his body respond as soon as he had Jared pressed against him, loving the compact feel of all those muscles under his T-shirt. Jared moaned at Jensen’s touch, stepping back until Jensen had him pressed against the wall, warm wood supporting his back, holding him up.

“I really don’t want anyone but you, Jay. Seeing Tom there with Jamie and the girls, I don’t feel anything but happy for him that he’s got all that. For me I’m happy that I’ve got all this.” He ran his hands appreciatively over Jared’s torso. “I worry about you sometimes, you’re worse than me for disappearing into your own head and then you freak out over nothing.”

Jared said nothing, just yanked Jensen close for another fevered kiss, holding Jensen tight against him as he finally allowed the truth of Jensen’s words to sink in.

“I’m right here,” Jensen panted, “not going anywhere, you and me, we got each other and we got time.” Jared’s reply was to kiss Jensen again, feeling those perfect lips against his never ceased to amaze and delight him.

Finally Jensen peeled himself away, “Come on you, we need to get back. We can’t leave Lucy and your Mom to do all the cleaning up.” Jared laughed and pulled his shirt straight, leaned over to pull a stray piece of straw from Jensen’s hair. “Wow, you have grown up fast,” he teased. “A sense of responsibility already, does that mean you’ve finally got through your beligerent teen phase?” Laughing and joking they returned to the ranch house to see who was still left.

Gerry, Chris and Steve were nearly done with the clearing up outside while Sharon and Lucy were just finishing up in the kitchen. The remains of Lucy’s wonderful spread had been packed into Tupperware boxes and just some salads and cold meat had been left on the side to pick at.

Jensen hung his head, “I’m sorry, Lucy. We didn’t mean to dip out of helping, I just forgot the time, I was waxing David’s old saddle ready to take Rufus out tomorrow.”

“That’s fine, dear. You’ve had a long day. Make us all a coffee and we’ll let you off!”

Jensen chuckled and went to start the machine while Jared fetched down mugs.

Sharon watched them and felt a lump in her throat. Not so many weeks had passed since she’d dragged her broken, depressed son to the Sunday gathering here and he’d found someone even more damaged than himself. From that chance meeting something wonderful had grown, this friendship that had helped them both so much.

The boys handed round the drinks and took theirs into the sunroom and once again she was struck by a sense of déjà vu that almost made her dizzy. She had been struck then by Jensen's almost ethereal beauty, he had been so silent and still. Now, though he was still a little reserved, he had filled out, his ghastly paleness disappearing under a healthy tan, which emphasized his freckles. His face lit up with happiness as her son whispered something in his ear.

Jared too had changed, grown more confident and mature. He seemed at ease with himself and happy again for the first time since he’d gone away to college.

Lucy caught her watching them and moved to stand beside her, sliding an arm around her best friends waist. “It makes me wonder what would have happened if Jared hadn’t found him that day,” she said quietly. “They’re so natural together.”

Jared laughed out loud again as he sat down, the joy obvious in his every movement. Jensen flung open the French windows to let in the last of the evening sunshine and then collapsed on the couch beside him. He curled in closer to Jared and let his hand come up to rest over Jared’s heart as Sadie came in from the kitchen and plonked herself down by their feet.

  
The End


End file.
